Checking in daily to maintain focus #40

Checking in on day 12, everything is just getting better. I sleep so well, I am sending this very good, relaxing sleeping power (lol) to all who suffer from insomnia here. Take care and stay sober ODAAT.

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Have spent the last 3 days catching up, starting to post now as I know thereā€™s a 3 consecutive post limit, and I have 8! Apologies for spam but I couldnā€™t not do what I doā€¦

@Jmillwill belated congrats on 2 weeks :tada:
@Tomek belated congrats on 500+ days AF :tada: and 2+ weeks smoke-free :tada:
@Dmcg1987 belated congrats on 6 months :tada:
@liv_m belated welcome back :blush: sending strength :blue_heart:
@Tacos_and_Harleys belated welcome :blush: congrats on your days so far :tada:
@Serenity4130 congrats on 11+ years :clap:t2: :tada: I hope the concussion is healing well :pray:t2:
@Sanuk belated congrats on 2 weeks :tada: sorry for your sons fall and that you caught Covid, I hope youā€™re both feeling better :pray:t2::blue_heart: I also love the drawing, you have a natural talent :star_struck:
@Fury sorry about things with your friend :pensive: and your eldest son :pray:t2: good luck with your auditions :crossed_fingers:t2::four_leaf_clover:
@zzz belated congrats on 2 weeks :tada:
@SadMemeQueen I hope you and your dog are okay now :blue_heart: sorry for the nightmares :sleepy: belated congrats on 3 weeks :tada: big relate to the feelings in your more recent post, sending strength :blue_heart:

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Congrats on your 500 days! Thatā€™s awesome!

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Awesome catch! I love it!

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@anon9289869 belated congrats on 600+ days :tada: I hope youā€™re enjoying your week off :blush: thanks for the shout out, much appreciated :blue_heart: sending strength to you :blue_heart: sorry to read about the dog, hoping for a peaceful remainder of her life :pray:t2::paw_prints:
@anon53116147 love NF lyrics :notes: also, thanks for the shout out on the ā€˜you are missedā€™ thread, much appreciated :blue_heart: sending strength to you :blue_heart:
@Erwin belated congrats on your year :tada::star2::trophy:
@BeaX801 welcome :blush: congrats on your days so far :tada:
@Eddieroots belated congrats on 3 weeks :tada: and belated happy birthday! :birthday: :balloon: :gift: :partying_face:
@shilohRica big relates on the anxiety stuff :sleepy: sending strength :blue_heart:
@Butterflymoonwoman belated sympathies on the anniversary of the loss of your friend :sleepy::blue_heart: Iā€™m glad your hubby is through the other side of his treatment :raised_hands:t2: belated congrats on 40 days :tada: I can relate to the friendship stuff :upside_down_face: Iā€™m also so pleased you were able to connect with your inner child like that and have those realisations, made me emotional because I do the same things to myself :sleepy:
@AllyP welcome back :blush: Iā€™m sure someone would have replied by now but you can pay a small one-off fee to remove all the ads :raised_hands:t2: Iā€™m so sorry for the way that vile colleague tried to take advantage of you in your vulnerable state, I hear you, and I believe you, Iā€™m sorry that when you confided in someone you were dismissed, your trauma is valid, Iā€™m sorry about the nightmares too :cry: :blue_heart: belated congrats on your week :tada:
@OneShot2711 welcome :blush:
@resilienttranskid sorry to read this :sleepy: welcome back :blush: sending strength :blue_heart:

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Rightly so to feel proud, it sounds like your son is doing well, something to celebrate. :sparkling_heart:

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@anon42928441 belated congrats on your month :tada:
@Deelzebub congrats on cancelling your subscription and for pouring away the craft beers :clap:t2: :tada:
@anon74766472 great catch! :star_struck: belated congrats :tada:
@Sabrina80 I hope you can find something to help with the allergies :pray:t2: congrats on asking for the raise :clap:t2: I hope you get it :crossed_fingers:t2::four_leaf_clover: feel better soon :pray:t2: :blue_heart:
@emi belated congrats on your week :tada: I hope the appointment went well :pray:t2:
@StarK31 congrats on 30 days :tada:
@Mno how lovely to wake up with Luna :heart_eyes_cat: good luck with your application, you have a lot to offer and theyā€™d be lucky to have you :crossed_fingers:t2::four_leaf_clover:
@Thirdmonkey sorry for the literal sh*t! :weary: belated congrats on 4 years :tada::star2::star2::star2::star2:
@Hazy belated congrats on 80+ days :tada: I hope you had a nice weekend with your Dad :blush:
@Bassanova belated congrats on 3 months :tada:

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@Lorelai that does sound painful :cry: hope it heals :pray:t2: feel better soon :blue_heart:
@felipeandrews belated congrats on double digits :tada:
@DryIn785 sorry for diagnosis :pray:t2: and for the dreams :blue_heart:
@Cherry_Kisses belated congrats on 50 days :tada:
@Misokatsu this sounds like financial abuse to me :sleepy: please donā€™t stop going out for lunch or buying yourself things like perfume. Argh! Just seen your later post about the weight comment, there are no words! :face_with_symbols_over_mouth::man_facepalming:t2: Iā€™m so sorry.
@Rockstar24777 belated congrats on 650+ days :tada:
@ChristinaV Iā€™m sorry for all the loss youā€™ve experienced, these anniversaries are never easy :blue_heart: well done for staying strong :clap:t2: and belated congrats on double digits :tada:
@mamador welcome back :blush:
@Skweeeot I got my DUI just before my 20th birthday, from being seen getting into my car outside a bar and it being reported to the police. I hated it at the time, but Iā€™m now nearly 35 and although I carried on drinking for another 13ish years, I didnā€™t drink and drive again, and now Iā€™m just really glad I didnā€™t cause any harm to anyone else, and that getting the DUI when I did put a stop to me endangering other road users and myself. I live with severe anxiety despite being on a lot of meds for my mental health, but as others have suggested, I do find guided meditations really help to take the edge off, I personally use the Calm app.
@5th_dimension belated congrats on 16 months :tada: your post about your son made me well up, in a good way :blush: thanks for sharing :blue_heart:

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@Jonachav123 belated congrats on 40+ days :tada:
@Becsta that Buddhist temple and the classes sound great :blush: wishing your son a positive outcome from the TMS too :pray:t2:
@Lotusflower congrats on the noticing and the pausing :clap:t2::tada:
@JennyH congrats on the blessings of your sobriety and also for 50+ days :raised_hands:t2::tada: Also seen your most recent post about your son, what remarkable progress, bless his heart, no wonder you are proud :blush::blue_heart:
@Fargesia congrats on feeling ā€˜at homeā€™, nice photos too :blush: and thank you for your share in your most recent post :blue_heart: I can relate a lot to the ā€˜some men are grossā€™ part.
@HillbillyChris sending strength :blue_heart:
@SelfLove_42 well done for coming on here when you were struggling :clap:t2:
@Grumpybeard congrats on 200 days :tada:
@Miranda sorry to read about your reset, but congrats on your honesty and coming straight back to start again, and in doing so, helping others :clap:t2::tada: definitely change to an older duvet cover and leave the bedroom door open, she wonā€™t need to wake you up then hopefully :crossed_fingers:t2:, you may also find that she becomes a little more independent a finds her own little places to get some rest, no guarantees though! Sleep is so important so I hope it works out :pray:t2:
@kat261 there really is strength in vulnerability, and Iā€™m so glad itā€™s working for you :raised_hands:t2::blue_heart: also very proud of you for having that conversation with your son :clap:t2: Sending positive vibes for the apartment hunting :pray:t2::crossed_fingers:t2::four_leaf_clover:

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Take good care of yourself, these early days are so hard. You should be really proud of yourself

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@Jesile Iā€™m sorry about the difficulties in acquiring a new washing machine, but so pleased you have that great a relationship with your neighbour that they have let you use theirs :raised_hands:t2::blush:
@mleclaire Iā€™m so sorry youā€™re struggling, sending strength :blue_heart: and I really hope the meds and the extra support helps :pray:t2:
@Wunderbar Iā€™m so thankful your wife saw you in time all those days ago, so youā€™re able to be here to recount the experience, Iā€™m glad youā€™re alive today and havenā€™t felt so helpless since :pray:t2::raised_hands:t2::blue_heart:
@SoberWalker sending strength :blue_heart: love the tree photos :star_struck:
@Nordique belated congrats on 650+ days :tada:
@LAB belated congrats on another sober vacation :tada:
@Gbw3006 belated congrats on 3 weeks :tada:
@Minatasha belated congrats on 3 weeks and the new car :tada::tada: sending strength :blue_heart:
@Bomdhil welcome back :blush::pray:t2:
@siand re friends; I always refer to the saying ā€˜quality over quantityā€™. Iā€™m glad you had a lovely time :blush:

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@roses4me belated congrats on 60 days :tada: sending strength :blue_heart:
@Seb belated congrats on 80 days :tada:
@anon52066378 belated congrats on 4 months and the new addition to your family, he looks incredibly cute! :tada::paw_prints:
@Clarity congratulations! :pregnant_woman: :tada:
@Deep belated congrats on 2 weeks :tada:
@DTC52 welcome back :blush: congrats on your honesty and for trying again :tada::pray:t2:
@C_8 congrats on all the 8s! :star_struck::tada:
@Callie99 congrats on 6 months :tada:
@GOKU2019 sending strength :blue_heart:
@Wakikki congrats on 90 days :tada:

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I tried calm and that has definitely helped quiet my mind when Iā€™m feeling overwhelmed and anxious! Iā€™m trying to see it all as a good thing for me cause it opened my eyes to what I was doing wrong and was a lesson I needed to learn but itā€™s so hard when it feels like your life could be pulled apart at any moment because I havenā€™t gotten my official charge in the mail yet :sleepy:

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Hi Cam! Still no washing machineā€¦ :roll_eyes: This neighbor turned 80 years this Sunday. Sheā€™s a widow, and I think sheā€™s quite lonely. She keeps offering me to wash my clothes, because I usually spend some time with her while she tells me stories. I donā€™t have that many things to wash! :rofl:
2 days ago she got all dressed up for her birthday, and asked me to take a picture. After that she said ā€œletā€™s do one of those picture the young people take now, whatā€™s it called? Selfie?ā€ So we took a selfie! Too cute and funny! We had some laughs!

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@Charlie_C congrats on 500 days :tada:
@Desire2ChangeToday prayers for your mom, I hope all goes well with the surgery and recovery :pray:t2:
@anon27760155 congrats on 600+ days :tada:
@Chikai congrats on 3 weeks :tada: sending strength and prayers :blue_heart: :pray:t2:
@OohImMentallyIll welcome :blush: congrats on your days so far :tada:
@Jesile I canā€™t love this enough, what a sweet lady :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes::blue_heart: thanks for the laugh, though Iā€™m sorry youā€™re still without a washing machine :pensive:

596 days no alcohol.
61 days no cocaine.

During my 9 day absence, I did also have 34 binge-free days and 4 days with 0mg nicotine. I have been binge-eating again since day 2 of 0mg nicotine, and using more nicotine than ever before in my life, since Saturday. I just canā€™t seem to sustain a quit with either of these two addictions. It really is a progressive disease and seems to escalate so much more each time I relapse.

There is something going on, that I only realised in hindsight, may have had/be having an impact. It was approaching Mothersā€™ day, when the relapses started, and it is also fast approaching the anniversary of my mumā€™s death, April 17th. I really do seem to struggle around this time each year. Of course logically, I know itā€™s just another day, but I believe there is a cPTSD ā€˜time/anniversaryā€™ element, perhaps because I was only 8 years old when this event that profoundly changed my life, and me as a person, happened. I think this will have to be the topic of my next therapy session on Friday, to see what comes up.

No urges to consume any alcohol at all.
Minimal urges to use cocaine, that are quickly batted away with ā€˜NO! Because it will kill me and I do not want to dieā€™.

But yes, junk food, nicotine, and potentially caffeine, are all a huge, all-consuming problem again. Iā€™m trying every day to fight with myself but it feels like Iā€™m trapped in a corner and thereā€™s nowhere to run. I desperately want to be free from all of this.

I still havenā€™t managed to return to the gym or swimming, I so want to be able to switch the current addictions to these much healthier, beneficial habits. That is my current objective.

I plan to check-in every day again now, the 4 days without nicotine, I could do nothing but sleep and eat, so I got overwhelmingly behind with the check-ins and have been slowly catching up in the background since. :blue_heart:

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Hey guys. Checking in day 16.
Hope you have a great day. Peace.

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Hey. You reached the 2 months milestone. Congrats and keep up the good work. Next is 90 days.:muscle:

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I am glad you are back here! You have been missed :innocent: I totally understand this: leaving a substance behind offen opened the door to other dependencies. I feel the most balanced and free when I listen to my feelings. Itā€™s so hard.

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Woo hoo! I knew you could do it, Sis. Congratulations! :tada:
Iā€™m so happy you tagged me so I wouldnā€™t miss it.
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It is lovely to see you back, and thank you for your kind words. You are going through so much. I totally understand the anniversary thing (I have 3 that trigger me) and to have lost your Mum so young is awful. Be kind to yourself, just take it one day at a time. Hope you have a good rest of the day :blush:

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