I think of it like my drunk self was a version of myself. Some of my problems went away when I stopped drinking. But there was other stuff that I still wanted to deal with.
Like @Misokatsu I have found sobriety has given me the opportunity to see these things and start to work through them. Sometimes it feels like a painfully slow process. But I am quite impatient 
And gradually things are shifting.
Day 190 checking in 
1026
Coffee. Weekend! I can do with some of that. Taking it easy today, the weather is taking a turn for the worse so not much outside activities but will be returning to spinning class later. Therapy tomorrow. Cooking both days. Got to do something social too. Iāll think of something. It and I will be sober and clean for sure. Just like I expect you all to be, as itās the only way to have a good life for all of us. Have as good a day as you all can all. Love from Amsterdam.
Congratulations
Awesome 
ā¦ well done 
š« 
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Congratulations Charlie on 500(501 todayā¦) days wonderful numbers! Thank you for you insights and shares and showing us all it can be done ODAAT!
Congratulations 
Hey all.
Feeling a little funkyā¦down the past few days. Iām sure a lot of this sadness has to do with my moms birthday being yesterday. Sheās passed 22 years ago. Miss her everyday. Morn for my children as well as she wasnāt able to meet them and they donāt have a grandmother on either side they are both passed over.
Trying not to get stuck in this sadness. Try to do what I can. Yet itās hardā¦with not alot of family supportā¦effects me and the children. I remember growing up with a full houseā¦of noiseā¦aunts uncles grandparents wisdom and bakingā¦outside time always with cousinās.
How far we are from those days. So I breathe and pray and ask God for his will too be done. I get active and use my local resources for supportā¦Church children and teens programā¦big brothers and sistersā¦and other sports and community events.
Iām tryingā¦ ODAAT.
Sober and Serene 24 all.
Love to you all. Glad you are here.
Alcohol was an excuse for my actions as well, but sober, I know I still have many flaws. Abstaining isnāt going to immediately change some of behaviors, but Iāve eliminated a crutch and a blame system to allow myself the clear head to make the changes I need and deserve.
Be easy on yourself. A day watching Pixar sounds lovely and Iām sure the rest was very welcoming 
Sorry to hear about your Mum. I totally understand what you are saying as I canāt provide my children with everything I had growing up as circumstances have got in the way. I have struggled with that for years and it was a big part of my anxiety. Not sure I will ever fully come to terms with it. I canāt imagine losing my Mum, must be so hard.
Take good care of yourself. Sounds like you have lots of good strategies but sometimes you just need to acknowledge that it isnāt fair.
Hey Cam
I love you. Your are a superhero. You never give up. Plus you have a heart of goldā¦taking the time and effort to read and respond to your friends here.
Thank you.
I am sorry for your motherās passing at such a young age. You were only 8ā¦that must haveā¦be difficult. I understand my mom passed 22 years ago. Although I was a lot older when she passed. Yesterday was her birthdayā¦and Iāve been down since Monday. I understand the underlying PTSD and energy that surrounds these dates. I had a two second thought of using yesterday. Yet it quickly passed. I selpt early. Which is also a form of escape.
Great idea to discuss in your next therapy session. I will do the same. Like the ideas of implementing physical activity into your routine to replace the unhealthy coping skills. It works for me .
Have a lovely day my friend.
@CATMANCAM
Thank you Jenny.
Itās not fair that my mom died do young. Itās not fair that she worked so hard and got little support. Itās not fair that she was abused by both her partnerās. Itās not fair that her mother died at 37 from alcoholism. Itās not fair that the ambulance took 20 minutes to get to the house after coming home from the hospital for being discharged as being ok. Itās not fair that I blame myself for forgetting the proper cpr techniques to do on mom when she stopped breathingā¦
Thank you for reminding me to get it outā¦ depression is anger turned inward.
That is heartbreaking to read and most definitely not fair. I am so sorry that you and she went through that. I hope you find some peace today.
Congratulations!! 
Thank you Jenny. I needed to cry and release my pain.
Iām thankful for you taking time to share and care for me today. Needed it
None of it sounds fairā¦ take care, donāt blame yourself for what you canāt controlā¦
Day 596
Another meltdown from my son, we went for a walk to calm down, he is very stressed about the upcoming change to junior high school. He hates change, is worried about the study, etc. While I was gone daughter had meltdown of her own, partly real feelings, partly because she sees meltdowns as a way to get my attention, because when my son has one he gets attention. Took a walk with her too, she aired her grievances about our āspecialā treatment of her brother. I have a feeling the change to jhs is going to be a bumpy ride, for all. Will need all my sober energy and patience. As physically tiring as it was when they were little, now is far more emotionally tiring. I canāt āfixā their school or peer troubles for them. I can only guide them, and there arenāt always clear solutions. There is no way I could handle this if I was drinking. And if my son had worry about me on top of this, I dread to think the state he would be in. So glad to be sober today.
Hey all, checking in on day 654. I hope everybody has a good one!
It sounds like youāre giving them the best support you can! Youāre giving them an ear, an outlet to talk, whether the meltdowns are real or not - they can feel comfortable in opening up with you! As a parent of growing children I really think that is the best to building healthy relationships - being someone they can talk to is gold!
Keep up the good work, it shows!!!
