Haven’t checked in for a while. Been busy busy busy! Moved house on Wednesday, it’s been pretty chaotic on the lead up with difficult buyers but we have finally made it. And it’s wonderful here.
Saw a sober open mic on at a venue I’ve been following online that I think looks really cool. They do sound baths, kirtan nights, cacao ceremonies and that kind of thing. Was super nervous about going, while I’m fine chatting to anyone once I get going that first bit of going somewhere alone is awkward. Anyway I decided to suck it up and give it a go.
It was nice… But when I walked in this guy was reading something he’d written about a mushroom trip and someone else spoke about an acid experience they had. They seemed nice and everything but I must say it put me off a bit. Especially the acid one. Some of the details were a bit funny but overall it was quite sad and I just felt so disconnected from everyone else who was laughing at it.
They have some things there that I would like to go to, so I will give them a go. I guess I was hoping I might find my tribe there… And who knows maybe I will. But honestly the idea of listening to people recounting their tragic drug stories as some kind of enlightened experience just feels so boring to me now. I know that used to be a part of my life and I am not judging anyone in that place. It’s just not where I want to be!
I am so happy to be at a point in my life where the idea of bending my mind with substances seems wholly unappealing. Because I know I can just be me, as I am, and enjoy myself. I know I can be me when I’m some pretty dark places too. I’m not complacent though and while I am not saying I only want sober friends, I don’t want to be around people where that kind of chaos is normal. Where the only way to get through a day is to drown it out with substances, or to only be able to have a good time with chemical enhancement.
I do want to make friends here but there’s no rush. I think in the past I have been so desperate for connection that I have compromised what I want and need which has just ended up with stuff that feels quite hollow. I know I’ve only been here two days and there is plenty to be getting on with around the house!
Tomorrow my bf and Mum are going back to get the last few bits from our old place. I am actually really looking forward to a day in the new place to myself, pottering about and doing a bit of unpacking.
Ooh its so hard once you are in distraction mode. I have no advice just sympathy/ empathy. I tend to find when I really need to get shit done it will happen. But it would be much better to just plug away regularly than that mad rush at the end!
Still holding tight on the sobriety track from alcohol, 2 years feels right around the corner! Earlier this week I started my smoking quit too…on day 5 and feeling good overall. Definitely making some adjustments through the day, but nothing I can’t handle…so glad this quit is going well! Happy Friday!
Sober, appropriately medicated (so far at least) me just busted out 2.5 hours of intense yard work complete with shoveling, raking, pruning shears and lots of fun on the side with my son and dog.
We never did this last year because stoned me was too high and busy being fraught with undiagnosed mental illnesses to live a real life.
Admittedly I was trying to cope in ways that were just familiar and that’s not to say I wasn’t trying at all but it was so much extra work and it didn’t do anything good for me in the end.
I will 100% always take this road at this point. I feel like I’m getting a second life. Not rediscovering, but, as I have said before, meeting myself for the 1st time.
Oh YEAHH and I finally installed the bike rack I bought last Spring and couldn’t figure out how to set up! Again, because I was too clouded and unable to deal with basic frustrations; there were simply no coping methods in place.
My husband was incredibly impressed and proud of me doing the thing and almost done with it when he came out to go to work. I felt like Rosie the riveter from those old posters.
I choose this life for myself. I’m still far from complete but damn it feels great to be me already.
Have a great day
Omg Miranda!!! I’m so glad I didn’t miss ur huge accomplishment! I dont read as much as I should and I’m so glad I got to see this my friend!!! Way to go!
Checking in at the end of day 4. I decided to watch the Uncharted movie. It’s weird because I have played the video games and have loved the series for it. But i went into the movie with such low expectations that i thought it was actually ok. Like it held some things true to the game and made it interesting. I am questioning me because i am normally really strict on these things. But in its own right it was actually not bad, a worthy movie to watch. Maybe I am back in the groove for tonight on things! Who knows. I just feel good and happy and I want to enjoy every moment of this! I wish you all the best out there! Praying for you all!
Checking in Day 74
I am all out of sorts today idk what’s going on. I don’t know if I’m getting sick or if I’m just mentally off. I actually was sort of glorifying using in my head for a bit and then snapped out of it. The weather is gorgeous. Used to be the perfect “using weather” Was sooo close to asking hubby about making a call cuz he got home early and he got paid. Screw that idea! Literally had to go back to my tools from the very beginning of recovery (which thankfully I haven’t had to use for awhile…so that i could pull myself out of it). I had a nap and then after waking up, hubby had some stressful events happen so he was out of sorts and I was trying to be supportive. I then had to go to the atm to take out the money to pay for the interest on the stuff we pawned while using way back when. So that was triggering. I literally have not used an atm in ages! So as I’m telling him that I’m heading downstairs to take out pawnshop money, he says “take out extra to make a call, today’s been stressful”. I could’ve honestly gave in at that moment due to what I was already thinking. But thankfully it’s like 2nd nature now to just say, “I dont feel like doing that”. Then he said to me that he knows that and that he was just stressed and shouldn’t have said that. And I made supper while he cleaned the fish tank (something he finds enjoyable and a good distraction). I did up some laundry and kept busy myself. And we will go to bed clean and sober, heading onto day 75. The using thoughts that popped today were diff than the usual. I’m normally stressed when I think of using, but today I wasn’t stressed. I haven’t glorified using in a while and that’s a bad sign when my mind tries to convince me of the “positives” about it, which there are none. Anyway… one of my hubbys stressful events ended up getting worked out. The other issue, not yet. But the night is turning around, blasting music (the oldies) in the living room And I’m so grateful for another day clean. I do need to get back to staying connected to u all. I don’t read as often, I don’t check in like I should. I am feeling disconnected from u all bcuz of me and how I am not involving myself as much (not necessarily on purpose. I just feel so busy. Or sometimes I feel like what I say is pointless lol). Anyway, I’m grateful to be an addict in recovery. 74 days wasn’t possible before. Everything that’s happened and all this shit I did to myself and others and the crazy shit I’ve seen… so grateful to not be in that anymore (like down on my knees grateful and blessed). I never wanna just leave u guys or be distant cuz if it wasn’t for u and for my HP, I wouldn’t be in a good place right now… like not a good place at all. Love you TS fam! Good night
75 days is crazy. So glad you pulled through the fleeting thought of using. Do you find the cravings aren’t lasting as long now?
You’ll be so happy to wake up sober and you are doing such an amazing job through all the ups and downs
I actually had a pretty good work day today. I told myself at the onset that whatever I thought I wanted to do and whatever seemed important, don’t do it! It worked and I got work done, lol.
I can’t believe it honestly. It truly does get easier… the cravings don’t happen nearly as often and they aren’t as intense or last as long. BUT… I don’t know if it would be that way if I didn’t have a morning routine and that connection with my HP. I remind myself daily of my powerlessness of my addictions and people, places, things, and situations. And then I always turn my thinking and acting over to my HP. Honestly the days when I don’t follow thru with my routine, are the days I struggle. It’s weird. I didn’t do my usual stuff this morning. I connected by listening to worship music but I didn’t “talk” to really connect the way I’m used to. And I felt it. And those distractions and temptations snuck in. But they do get easier and I can handle them better
I’m proud of you too!!! I am sooo proud of ur 1 month! That’s frickin amazing
Checking in day 322. Sober Friday night. I leave again tomorrow for a big work trip so I have been packing for that. I am not as worried this time because last time was so successful, but I suppose I should be careful not to let my guard down. I am grateful for the support of this community. Thanks, sober family.
1057
Coffee. Beginning of my workweek. Yesterday at the vet Luna got some subcutaneous fluids and a shot against nausea. She’s on a renal diet now. With a bit of luck we can be together for another couple of years. Here’s hoping.
Otherwise not so much to say except that I’m sober and clean and I expect the same form all of you. Just for today. It’s the only way to live a better healthier happier life for all of us. Not an easier life maybe. Recovery is work. It is a work of love though. For ourselves, for ours and for the world.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from Luna and me.
and someone else spoke about an acid experience they had. They seemed nice and everything but I must say it put me off a bit. Especially the acid one. Some of the details were a bit funny but overall it was quite sad and I just felt so disconnected from everyone else who was laughing at it.
and there is plenty to be getting on with around the house!
idk what’s going on. I don’t know if I’m getting sick or if I’m just mentally off. I actually was sort of glorifying using in my head for a bit and then snapped out of it. The weather is gorgeous. Used to be the perfect “using weather” 
Was sooo close to asking hubby about making a call cuz he got home early and he got paid. Screw that idea! Literally had to go back to my tools from the very beginning of recovery (which thankfully I haven’t had to use for awhile…so that i could pull myself out of it). I had a nap and then after waking up, hubby had some stressful events happen so he was out of sorts and I was trying to be supportive. I then had to go to the atm to take out the money to pay for the interest on the stuff we pawned while using way back when. So that was triggering. I literally have not used an atm in ages! So as I’m telling him that I’m heading downstairs to take out pawnshop money, he says “take out extra to make a call, today’s been stressful”. I could’ve honestly gave in at that moment due to what I was already thinking. But thankfully it’s like 2nd nature now to just say, “I dont feel like doing that”. Then he said to me that he knows that and that he was just stressed and shouldn’t have said that. And I made supper while he cleaned the fish tank (something he finds enjoyable and a good distraction). I did up some laundry and kept busy myself. And we will go to bed clean and sober, heading onto day 75. The using thoughts that popped today were diff than the usual. I’m normally stressed when I think of using, but today I wasn’t stressed. I haven’t glorified using in a while and that’s a bad sign when my mind tries to convince me of the “positives” about it, which there are none. Anyway… one of my hubbys stressful events ended up getting worked out. The other issue, not yet. But the night is turning around, blasting music (the oldies) in the living room 
And I’m so grateful for another day clean. I do need to get back to staying connected to u all. I don’t read as often, I don’t check in like I should. I am feeling disconnected from u all bcuz of me and how I am not involving myself as much (not necessarily on purpose. I just feel so busy. Or sometimes I feel like what I say is pointless lol). Anyway, I’m grateful to be an addict in recovery. 74 days wasn’t possible before. Everything that’s happened and all this shit I did to myself and others and the crazy shit I’ve seen… so grateful to not be in that anymore (like down on my knees grateful and blessed). I never wanna just leave u guys or be distant cuz if it wasn’t for u and for my HP, I wouldn’t be in a good place right now… like not a good place at all. Love you TS fam! Good night 
