I hadnt been early for much in the past 
This is a big milestone 
2 Likes
Awwww youāre very sweet thank you 
2 Likes
Exactly! Getting time to clear my thoughts and just, basically, exist with the inner dialogue in my mind for a while, then I can face the world again.
1 Like
Wooooohooooooo
Congrats on your 1 year without booze Drew!!!
6 Likes
Thanks bro. After getting close to 6 months freeā¦I noticed my fall coincided with my gaming. Itās dopamine addiction in combating and I canāt kill the PMO without also killing the gaming.
3 Likes
I can relate to this so, so much.
For me the answer to this came through therapy, DBT (Dilectical Behavior Therapy) and step work.
Looking at, what I like to call, my more ādifficult character traitsā instead of ādefects of characterā was hard for me too. I was a fucking awful person, I used to rage and got very physical when I did so. I never understood why I would go from 0 to 1000 with any emotion and then it always resulted in me causing harm to the house or myself. Then sometimes I could feel nothingā¦ nothing at all for months and months and that was awful too. Therapy helped me with this, all of it. Staying clean from all mind and mood altering substances helped me with this. Working the steps with the NA step working guide helped me with this, and the reason this helped was because I got to look at what I could do instead. So in recovery we recieve a gift, I call it āthe pauseā I am sure others do to. Itās that space of a few seconds between an event and us responding, where before recovery we would just react. So through working the steps I looked at what I could do instead of what I had been doing, DBT skill āopposite actionā. If I was leaning towards isolation the opposite to that is participating so I would get involved. If I am triggered to walk away from a conversation, I sit and listen. By doing this it has built my self esteem because I see huge growth in myself, not only am I doing things I could never do before but I am more comfortable doing them. The more comfortable I become doing something the more chance that it will become something I reach for naturally. Rewiring our brains takes a lot of practice, time and effort but it is possible. And in my experience, eventually that knee jerk response that I had used my whole life, doesnāt happen so naturally.
Edited to add: You are not only difficult traits you are easy traits too. When I peel back everything, even anger, at the core for me is always fear. I act outwards in anger when I am feeling afraid, threatenedā¦ maybe you do too.
10 Likes
Thank you. I get along with most people at work, but Iāve never been a real social person. Iām like the friendly acquaintance people like. Always been hard for me to get close to people. Iām sure Iām not alone with this, especially when we choose to make a life change, often need to remove the partying friends.
You are always so positive and kind to everyone on here, thatās why I always read and enjoy your posts. Youāre a very special person. 
3 Likes
Congratulations 
!
2 Likes
A huge congratulations Drew on 1 year sober!! Wow 
1 Like
Day 169 af.
I used to always think I could sneak drinks from my hidden bottle and I was fine, that no one would noticeā¦ I have realized that I DO NOT like the person I become when I drink that poisonā¦ it is not who I am or how i would want anyone to see me. I am beyond thankful that I realize that now. Thatās what I think really resonated with me and gives me the strength to not ever drink that crap up again. Kind of a simple (obvious) revelation but left a huge impact that I think about every day now.
I read all of the posts and support here, itās truly amazing. Everyone stay strong!!! This humid/hot Sunday, I am beyond thankful. Sobriety = Freedom.
24 Likes
Iām a bit late for the partyā¦ but a huge congratulations on your 3 years, Menno! Very inspiring! 
2 Likes
Good Evening,
At least it is here, hoping everyone is feeling ok and is having a strong and sober 24 hours.
Iām feeling happier, my mum was released from hospital this afternoon which is a relief. Meant I was able to really enjoy a nice walk and afternoon in the sun.
Couldnāt hold my tears back when she phoned and said she was being discharged, I know right! The big tough Spartan man cryingā¦.well real men do cryā¦.evidently!
So, what is new with peopleā¦or should I say Iām catching up on whatās happening with peopleā¦. @Butterflymoonwoman amazing work, love reading the positivity in your post today compared to yesterdays difficulties. @Twizzlers and @anon20533114 your messages of support for her were so amazing to read. I hope that I get some of that kind of support when I am in the same position. Iām sure I will, in fact I know I will!
@Mno such amazing consistency in your approach and hitting 3 years is tremendous. Love seeing your daily pictures and belated congratulations on the new job
@Rockstar24777 enjoy that 2 years when it arrives! Love the nametag BTW! Smashing it pal!
Pretty much everyone else, I am so proud of you all for keeping on going. I literally could type loads and tag everyone if I could but my bed is calling me.
Iām Sorry I havenāt been as positive the last few days, my personal issues are no excuse for not supporting you all, the upbeat Greek warrior is back! Emotionally drained right now but Iām back!
I will leave you tonight with the wise words of Pericles - What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others
Goodnight one and all!
Ares 
17 Likes
Checking in, day 57. Almost 60 days!
Been feeling pretty meh still. 
Cutting back on the Marijuana is going really well. That one has always been easy for me. I have a wayyy different relationship with it, being more medicinal than substance for me. Having the vape reactivated the cravings for nicotine, I would have my nicotine vape in my hand whenever I was awake so thats where the problem was starting to spiral.
Iām really sunburnt from floating down the salt River yesterday. My dumb dumb self did not reapply my sunscreen and now my back and shoulders are 100% gonna peel. Oh wellā¦ Base tan right? So ill be taking it easy today, smothered in aloe with lidocaine, trying not to touch anything.
Maybe Iāll clean the kitchenā¦
Usually there is booze associated with a river float, but I stopped doing that years ago bc its dumb and dangerous and with the 110+ heat, the next morning you feel like hammered duck shit. No thank you!
Boyfriend is on a little trip with his buddies for a few days so I have the bed all to myself and my puppersā¦ his kids will be here with me tho, they look forward to the break from their mother, so they are coming home regardless if dads here or not. I love it they really are great kids.
Things I need to work on: Patience (thats a big one) and trust.
I dont think anyone likes sober me. Not even sure I really do. Iām loud. I overshare. My bluntness has reached a level that even Iām uncomfortable with (if you knew me knew me, you would know thats gotta be a real high level). My patience is gone, I lose my shit after like the 3rd slight inconvenience. And thats not ok.
I dont know if Iām pulling away, or if my friends are just afraid of what awful loud hard truth they are gonna hear and are pulling away from me. It may be a combo. But I dont want to file it under the it is what it is column. Bc relationships matter. But I just donāt trust my judgment about them right now.
On the flip side, my romantic relationship has gotten exponentially better. Who knew that not drinking would make me want to have sex again, and be a more attentive, affectionate, caring partner lolā¦
So im gonna take some time for myself. Go on a few hikes. Go out to nature where or when itās not a berjillion degrees (I live in Tucson, its 108 today) maybe do some reading. I dunno. Im just gonna pull back a bit and get some perspective for awhileā¦ maybe work it out with my therapist.
Sorry so long. Not the initial intention. But I apparently have a lot more on my mind than I thought.
Have a good day all.
Congrats on all the achievements out there!
21 Likes
Hey Seb,
I understand this! But please - please donāt let the voice of shame and embarrassment overtake you. If youāre at all like me, it may add to your cravings, your desire to escape your thoughts and feelings. As Annie Grace (This Naked MInd) puts it - you and I may each have lost a battle, but we havenāt lost the warā¦
It is a mistake to believe that by losing a battle we have lost the war. The truth is that each battle makes us stronger given we remain committed to a better tomorrow. Allow your fight to be a reminder of all the reasons you quit rather than an unforgivable mistake. Remember that losing a battle does not mean you have lost the war.
Drinking will remind you why you stopped. You will remember how much effort it took to moderate. How painful hangovers are. You will remember the internal struggle, the recrimination, and the deception. It may come after that first drink or down the road after a time of successful moderation when your willpower runs out. Let your mistakes become powerful reminders of your freedom. Allow them to tell the story of how far youāve come. Let them be a stepping-stone in your journey.
I was hiking last week, and my pal and I had to make it across a creek - hopping from stone to log to stone, etc - and each of us missed a step. A big muddy splash. But we made it across, and back across too.
I thought all my 500 days were gone too - but no. Theyāre still there, like stones and logs Iād successfully navigated before my big misstep and splash. I made my misstep/splash bigger with shame and isolation, but eventually got back up a few weeks ago. We fail if we donāt get back up.
Thanks for getting back up and coming back here so soon.
In her words, letās let these mistakes become powerful reminders of our freedom, hey friend? 
13 Likes
So pleased your mum is ok. Youāre right tho, itās ok to cry. Itās good for the soul.
Iāll be here If you ever need support and will give you the very best support I can. Feel free to get in touch anytime!
3 Likes
Checking in. Still clean. I had a rough day at workā¦ a rough day in general . I got a call from my bf saying I wonāt be picking him up when he gets out and that his BM will ā¦ he wants to see his son but I am nervous about him being around his BMā¦ anyway I got insecure and jealous and then I went to work and spilled 2 cups of water at once on some
Poor guy . I wasnāt allowed to give drinks then. So then my manager pulled me into the office at the end of the day and she told me my cash drawer was short yesterday ā¦ the dude who sexually harassed
Me who I have to work with told me to take 25 out and give it to him bc Dennys owed him money ā¦ well. The drawer came up short that and plus some and the rule is if you are more than 3 dollars short you get written up. So I did and if it
Happens again I will be terminated. Then I got home and got into a very heated verbal altercation with my roommate. She got very mad at me and then threatened me and so I flipped out and left and had my mom come
Get me now I am at my parents house about to eat pizza . I stayed clean thru it all ā¦ I feel like I am gonna get thru itā¦ anyway hope you all are doing
Ok
13 Likes
Thanks for the analogy, I remember this feeling well!!!
Those milestones can get sketchyā¦ hang on tight, getting out into nature sounds like a great plan. Congrats on your days.
4 Likes
checking in. 2 years, 2 months today. clean house, partner grilling us dinner, baby is 37 weeks in belly. none of this possible without getting and staying sober.
33 Likes
This is all anyone of us can do, the moment anyone of us says we have it all figured out we are fucked. You know, 1 day clean is better than a lifetime in active addiction, even just one day Seb. You managed 148 back to back days, that is 148 miracles and now you are dusting yourself off and trying again. It takes courage, determination and a certain type of person to keep their eye on the horizon not in the rear view mirror. I understand how you may feel a bit of embarrassment, but I wonder if you might try on a little pride for being open, honest and willing to keep going.
Thanks for coming back.
12 Likes