Had another good day of training at work . Trying to approach the job just like I approach my recovery. One day at a time … It doesn’t mean inside my head I already have a Beach house and a boat … Then I have to come back to reality. Maybe that stuff will happen down the line … maybe not … I would be more happy just being OK with myself and healthy. I find myself these days thinking about all kinds of things. I don’t mind looking back anymore and I don’t mind looking forward but What really matters is what I do today. I definitely made it through a rough couple months but at the same time it really wasn’t even that bad. Sometimes recently I think why now ? Why do I get this now? But then I realize these questions are normal but I can’t look at it that way. I was biking home today and I thought how do I have this many days? To be honest I know exactly how I have this many days. AA, TS, God ( Mother Nature ) , music , nature , communication, journaling, exercise … I’m not sure if any of this made sense. I’m just really grateful. And I’m not letting my guard down. Thank you guys so much for listening to me and reaching out all the time. You guys are helping me… reading through all the threads and stories and strength on this site … this community is powerful… stay strong family
@mamador congrats on 74 days. The situation with your son sounds very challenging. I hope just writing it down helped bc i have no advice but wish you lots of patience and love!
Oh Marianna
I’m so sorry to read this. I’m glad you put it out here. I hope that helps at least just a little bit. I cannot imagine what you are going through. And your pain for your son. I don’t know what to say. But I can pray. I will have you and your son in my prayers.
I’m so glad you are his mom and will be by his side. Keep doing what your doing. And let it out here anytime. Anytime at all.
Great big hugs for you.
My job search has started in earnest. As many as you know I care deeply about where I work. My attachment is personal because I was a client of the syringe exchange program. They were instrumental in helping me get into my second rehab. Then at 8 months sober I was able to get a job there and over the last four years I’ve been able to work my way up into a leadership role. My area is focus is primarily HIV/AIDS, but there’s been a lot of overlap with SUD and mental health.
Sadly, over the last few months we’ve been moving in the wrong direction. Our Executive Director is completely stuck in her way. At first I thought I could stay on and do my best to continue to make small changes (some alcoholic shit trying to change things ). Well after enough pain I’ve accepted that the only thing I can change is me.
This is not a decision I take lightly. However after careful consideration and prayer I feel at peace with my potential new path
Evening Check in Day 120
I honestly don’t know what’s gotten into me lately. I don’t know if it’s bcuz my hubby has been home the past 2 days due to no work (from the heavy rain) which resulted in my morning schedule being thrown off. Or if it’s bcuz I have been getting up early to workout therefore being extra tired and cranky. Or if I’m just plain sick of people’s lack of follow thru for getting back to me for some important appts, but I have been a b!tch the past 2 days. I’m naturally outspoken as it is but how I have been talking isn’t even like me. My hubby even commented on it and said I have been having a major attitude when talking to people. I need this to stop. I dont like it. I got so worked up today over a few things that went wrong that I got a headache and it probably took me a good 45 min to unwind. So I need to definitely make some changes to my attitude. My husband got me a pet tho. Well 3 new additions to the fish tank. He got 2 sharks (a female and male), and my pet… an eel!!! Omg that made my day! I tried taking pics but they are getting situated now and my eel (who I named Lee) is hiding in the dragon skull, so I will let him be for now. Anyway, I need to just make some changes. This isn’t me. I’m not a mean person and I just wish I knew what was going on with me.
Been a busy day with the fam and the kiddos. Took them out to an arcade and lunch. Tomorrow we are gonna hit up the SD fair. It should be fun. Stayin busy gives me no time to think about boozing.
@Bluekoolaid I feel ya. Can’t rush things. Keep workin hard, bro. Using all these tools to stay sober has definitely helped. Something I never tried in the past. Excersising, music, chatting with folks, alcohol replacements, got back into skateboarding. I should’ve reached out for support sooner, but it what it is. I am here now. There’s no turning back to those dark times. Stay up.
@Becsta Hoping one day I’ll reach all milestones. Great numbers.
And Congrats to everyone else on TS. Stay strong. Much love.
Sorry to hear you’re feeling off. In my experience those times of trouble are right before periods of growth. Take some time to reflect and you’ll find a way forward
Navigating Day 9. Fighting the urge but got some nice support here earlier. Glad to have you all. Keep up the good work crew. Nice numbers being thrown up here
Sorry to hear about the work situation, that sucks. I recently left a good position for similar reasons. It just wasn’t a place that was right for me any more. Someone else, yes, but not me.
I’m sure you’ll find a better fit though. It will come.
@mamador Marianna I’m so sorry to hear about your son. Changes are very hard for people with ASD. It’s like oil and water sometimes with them, a world that’s full of changes and them desperately trying to find a routine that is home for them. Be gentle with yourself. You are a good mom. There is no rating scale of moms. You are good because you are present and you are sincere and you are moving forward one day at a time, in reasonable, loving, supportive ways. That is motherhood. That is parenthood. You are good enough and you are doing it as well as it can be done, and that’s enough.
Huge Congratulations on 2 years @Rockstar24777 and @Nordique!
Sorry I’m so late to the party. I’ve been following both of you since the beginning and it warms my heart to see how far you’ve both come. It makes me happy to see you both consistently checking in here and being honest about where you’re at. This shit ain’t easy.
Thanks for reaching out man. Keep doing all of those awesome things. And Definitely keep skating! I try not to think about the wasted time but I have been taught in order to recover I have to look back and make sense of things . Sometimes I wonder if I lost my mind a little bit in the last few months but something has just happened … doesn’t mean I don’t have some bad days but I’m Starting to understand the simplicity . Have a good night man !!
Thank u matt! I needed to read something positive from all this negativity that I’m experiencing. Sometimes I do forget that I can learn something from my obstacles l I appreciate ur insight. Ur such a wise person… ur always very insightful and so helpful and I always appreciate ur posts Matt. How r u doing?
Checking in day 44 free from weed and alcohol. So thankful i found a beginners zoom AA meeting that covers steps 1 thru 3. Its usually a big group and i havent shared yet but maybe tomorrow. Still on the search for a good sponsor…trying to be patient. This beginners meeting hooks ppl up with sponsors so i will try that. Asked last week but nothing came of it, maybe this week my plea will gain traction. Im bummed im going to miss the ladies in person meeting thursday but gotta celebrate my dads bday and fathers day. I can always jump on a zoom after. Anyways im rambling. I love you all very much and everybodys willingness to share and be supportive really helps.
Thank you for reaching out and thank you for your positive words … it’s definitely bringing up a lot of emotions but I’m learning that’s ok … feeling is ok but also knowing when I need to ask for help . I’m glad You are seeking help also.
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). Well after enough pain I’ve accepted that the only thing I can change is me.
Evening Check in 
