Haven’t been checking in daily lately. Haven’t been thinking about my recovery alot either. I relapsed PMO, gamed for like 12 hours straight and drank about 12 energy drinks 2 days ago. Thinking about drinking alot too, the rush i’d have. Just thinking back on how great it used to feel and how I’d feel now. But I know it wouldn’t be great for longer than 24 hrs, where I’d be left with nothing but shame and regret. It would devastate me for sure, letting myself down AGAIN. Something happened after I went out last friday. I went home early because it just WASNT fun anymore. Surrounded by drunk friends and people dancing, while I just stood there filled with anxiety and bad thoughts. So Instead of drinking, or staying till the end I just ordered an Uber told my friends sorry and went home. But I can’t help but think back and feel stupid. Makes me want to drink, I regret it all. Atleast i’ve some days to look forward to this week. I’ll try to get some sleep now b4 work gn everyone .
I’m really struggling. I try to be a positive person, I think that’s how I made it to 22 days before. My relapses have been shorter & worse. I felt like crap coming here on day 2 this time. @Dazercat and @Twizzlers thank you for welcoming me back. I think I need to string at least 7 days before coming back, I feel I’ve let some people down that supported me. I know that sounds dumb, everyone is going through something. I feel so defeated, right now, I’m my worst enemy. With God’s help, I will and want to be back. I can’t keep failing. I truly love all your help and support. See you soon with more days behind me.
Yes, be positive. I believe in you. I too have been absent for awhile and am back here on day 2. Glad to be side by side with you. Please reach out if you need a chat, always read your posts and get a lift from your words. I’m ripping off someone’s wisdom I read on here a few weeks back ( if you recognize it, claim it )… “drinking is not your problem, it’s your solution. Find a new solution” Let’s keep moving forward
I’m sorry you feel so defeated Miranda. This disease will do that to us. But understand this. You did not let me down. And I hate to speak for others. But I’m pretty sure many of us think you didn’t let them down either. If getting a string of 7 days makes you feel more comfortable coming back. Then you do that. Whatever it takes for you. You will be missed.
Big hugs.
I’m Maxie, not Miranda, lol. I appreciate you Eric, always have. I’m trying to be strong. I have 2 twin grandkids, God bless, I read you will have 2 grandkids soon as well, congrats! It’s one of the reasons I’m trying so hard, they’re not even 2. I want to see them grow up.
Maxine no one is let down or disappointed… I promise u. I know it feels like that bcuz I often felt like that too when I was always relapsing every 3 days or so. Don’t let ur alcoholic mind tell u these things and prevent u from getting the support and love u need here You deserve to be here and to be able to post no matter what stage of recovery ur in everyone is just happy ur back. Hugs my friend!
Oopsie I guess I was being passionate and got the name wrong I meant what I said though. Those are 2 great reasons. We’ll be here when you want us MAXIE
And thanks for the congrats.
Evening Check in Day 113
My hubby and I had a chat (a very short chat lol but none the less a chat about recovery). He told me had been thinking about how long it has been for us since we used last. He still thinks it’s much longer than it really has been… like 7 months lol but its actually 113 days. He said he doesn’t even miss it and that he’s so proud of me. I can’t believe he said that. It’s rare that he says those kinds of thing. He’s not an emotional kind of guy. But we hugged and the chat we had about being clean was so reassuring and supportive and wonderful. It just really brought everything together and brought the motivation to the forefront again about why I’m doing this. Its just nice to see the results of hardworking of being clean. I had a small moment earlier where I remembered who I was when I used and how utterly desperate I was to get clean and I felt hopeless and that I just couldnt get it. Literally thinking I was one of those people that just can’t get clean. I didn’t want to die like that but didn’t know how to live either. And I really hope that it clicked this time bcuz this is longest I’ve been clean is soooo many years. I’m just grateful. So grateful for being clean and the daily activities and sense of hope I have today… that I actually get emotional. And I do owe it to my recovery to my HP and my hardwork and everyone on here. Hugs!
What a beautiful thing to read Dana.
I’m so happy your husband is proud of you. That’s got to feel great. Good for you girl! You deserve it and so much more.
.
You deserve to be here and to be able to post no matter what stage of recovery ur in 
I guess I was being passionate and got the name wrong 
Evening Check in