Thank you for sharing that, it was a very good, very well written and pointed piece, and really did make me consider for today. Glad you’re still able to engage with a community and i really hope you’re able to have a day of at least some peace. Take care! 
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Wonderful advice 
as a fellow agnostic with Christian childhood, I felt the same fears/separation even before attending my first meeting. What you say makes total sense. Thank you 
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Yes, I can relate to that. I more so meant the people that I put myself around, knowing the affect that will have on me. I know I am responsible for all choices I make good or bad. I don’t blame the people. I blame my poor decision making when it comes to the company I keep.
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@Butterflymoonwoman your check in today makes so much sense to me too, just that feeling of knowing things are sorted out, that i am reliable that people are realising they can rely on me, im not waking up in a panick the bills i used the money for to use.
Its so nice to follow your story congratulations on your 116 days i feel so proud and happy everything is falling into place for you.
@Joyce19 congratulations on your 4 days, your doing really well and just pushing through, keep going strong, it gets better and better 
@Andrea4 congrats on your 6 days 
your plan of setting boundaries sounds like a good one.
@Lorelai congratulations on your 989 days, thats huuuuge.
@kat261 glad to see your back here, i find checking in daily helps, theres just something about it that keeps my mind in the right place. Congratulations on your day 2.
@Rockstar24777 Wow 728 days is big !! Thanks for checking in on me means alot i keep waking up at 4am it starts getting light here then.
@Ravikamor massive congratulations on your 2 years.
@Dazercat That was a lovely read thank you.
I have seen most of the posts so far just cant reply to all personally or will be here forever but to
every one who is sober today congratulations and im proud to stand side by side with you all and be sober today together
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Your here and that matters, it means you havent given up. Dont let bad feelings and low negative thoughts keep you in a bad place. Im glad your here reaching out, we are all stronger than we think.
When i feel like this i do get onto a meeting or meditate m. Just a thought.
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…1540. I read that love has no boundries. Today I learned there is one.
Bacon. Ms. Monkey is chopping bacon for our salad. One pile is mine, one is hers. I pick a piece out of hers…she points the knife at me and says, “that is my bacon”
I slowly put the piece back…I love that woman.
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Day 21 - Well, I’ve made it to three weeks. I’ve read a lot of very meaningful words on this forum today. A particular shout out to @MrCade and a fantastic post of his on feelings now you are sober. It really struck me particularly the piece of advice about using. The fact you know exactly what it is like when you do, you know every inch of your addictiin so go be curious and find out what it is like to be sober.
My addiction feels like a small room in a sprawling mansion that I have been stuck in for years. It’s dimly lit full of flickering shadows yet I stayed there because it was familiar if uncomfortable. Now I am walking around the rest of the mansion discovering that there are other places to be.
This check in has become a metronome for my existence, a regular beat amongst the chaos of life.
My day was actually pretty good all in all, I went to my first ever property viewing (as a buyer), I was productive at work and best of all I got to spend a whole evening with my son reading books together. I wasn’t due to be with him so it is an unexpected blessing. I am so so grateful for the time I have with my kids.
Yet as I sit here and type this I can feel my anxiety raging through me. A torrent of worries that leaves me breathless and panicky.
Am I doing the right thing? What is the next best thing I can do? Have I planned enough activities for my son this weekend? What if I miss my alarm tomorrow and I am late for his swimming lessons? Have I misread a friendship and mistakenly assumed there was a romantic element when there really isn’t?
What if? What if? What if?
Sometimes it’s hard to be present for all this, but I wouldn’t be anywhere else or using anything else instead. Forward together, one day at a time.
P.S: Apologies for swerving between topics, it’s late and I felt the need to open up as well as recognise the good that has happened today.
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Anxiety is horrible, and just as you mentioned swicthing between topics thats what it does inside our heads going round and round.
Do you meditate?
I didnt until a while ago i actually committed to it, i couldnt quiten my mind and they were guided meditations too.
So i started listening to audio books to get my mind to just not think and to just listen/observe and it has helped so so much.
Now i meditate all the time. Some times i feel so distant from reality especially in the evenings that a guided meditation brings me back like my feet and mind are just back on earth- i know that sounds strange but it could help you with racing thoughts.
Its great you got to see your son and spent quality time together.
Iv started getting to bed earlier and waking up at like 4-5am its working for me at the moment but i dont have much to get up for atm. But when i do i understand that feeling of what if … i fail and mess it up and and all goes wrong and that will keep me awake.
Try to relax and do some breathing exercises your doing great and will surprise yourself more and more with how reliable you become for yourself and others.
Have a good night and swim tomorrow
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That is the blessing of serenity. So glad u have it 
.
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Today isn’t a good day for me like many other days but I stay silent …. The amount of sadness I carry is beginning to ware on me and it shows, I no longer smile anymore and if I do it’s fake… I’m trapped in an extremely unhealthy situation and I’m hanging on by a thread… the thought of a drink comes daily and I haven’t thus far… but I’m petrified for the moment when my pain overtakes me and I give in to drown the emptiness… sorry to be a downer just have nobody no friends no family nothing… so it’s almost unbearable at times…
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Checking is-73 days.
I’m waiting to come out of my funk. I think it’s the combination of the gloomy weather and my brain wanting to be flooded with happy chemicals from alcohol and just not knowing wtf is going on anymore.
@Letthesunshinein you aren’t alone. I hope you can find something, even something small that you enjoy, to make you feel good. I’m with you, the sadness is heavy, but I know it won’t last forever x
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Dont be sorry, you have us 
Im not sure if you meditate but it can really help doing the guided ones. I use you tube ones.
Whenever i feel like this just like you i come here as we all experience similar feelings and similarities in our situations so please dont feel alone
I hope things start to fall into place for you soon, im glad you reach out here i know how difficult it can be.
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Checkin in day 55 alcohol free. WEED TRIGGER WARNING been feeling pretty meh the last week or so. I haven’t been as productive as I started out to be, I feel myself slowing down. I’m not drinking anymore, and I don’t really even think about it, its just who I am now… but as a result, my marijuana consumption has increased exponentially. Which is most likely why I feel myself slowing down, and less focused like I had been. So I will be focusing on getting that back to where I had it. Without it, I’m an insomniac, have been since I was a child. And sleeping pills (the many ive tried throughout the years) make me feel hungover, and im not a huge fan of pills to begin with so no thanks. Teas don’t work unless I drink a half gallon, then i’m up pissing half the night, defeats the purpose, and melatonin keeps me awake! So I will be leaving the vape alone all day, I just picked it up again so that should be easy (I quit vaping when I quit nicotine over 6 months ago) and just stick to the night time edibles I was doing to accomplish the only goal I use it for. I also haven’t been as involved in this group last week or so either, a part of that laziness creeping in for sure, and just getting in my feelings about it too … feels like I just joined into a group of friends as the annoying little sister no one wants around sometimes. But i’m just being sensitive. Feeling feelings is a strange new road to navigate, insecurities are harder to ignore. The point of this group, for me, is to just have a place with like minded folks to put my crap, that in itself is therapudic regardless of response. It’s carried me this far, and has helped provide me with some tools to recognize a pattern before it becomes a harmful habit, so i’ll stick with it. Have a good day all. 
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Congratulations 
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Checked my timer for the first time in a while. 1,496 days off the booze and 35 days smoke free. Haven’t checked in for a while but wanted to say hi. Great to see some new faces and some familiar ones. Loads of amazing progress to celebrate 
Got a friend round for the weekend and so happy she is here. Had a few difficulties and disappointments in the last couple of weeks. Nothing major but it’s nice to have something good going on. She is sober too so that makes it easy. Will probably do a bit of walking and maybe some outdoor swimming if the weather holds up.
Having had some dips in mood has made me realise that I’ve taken the focus off healing for a while. I think I needed it. Maybe that was healing too in its own way. But time to refocus and find what I need now.
Some of the things I have leaned on in the past aren’t available right now and I am OK with that. Mostly! A good lesson on the inevitability of change, as well as our old friends patience and acceptance. I often think I have understood these concepts and then something comes along to show me how much more there is to learn, ha.
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Had a good first day at work. Learning the computer and phone procedures. Was pretty nervous and didn’t get much sleep last night but I was really prepared for the morning. I took plenty of notes today and soon I’m going to type them up and get some post it notes for important things to put right on the computer for now . It will save me time and stress . I also need to create a new recovery schedule. I’m learning… If something changes major in my life then I need to re evaluate my time and make sure I’m still doing the basic things I need to stay sober. I’m going to journal and write . I’m going to spend tonight reflecting on everything. I have a lot to be grateful for. I may even give myself a break and watch a movie . I hope everyone has a great night . Stay strong family
Ps: They have a fridge in the office stocked with watermelon Red Bull!! And cola!!! I think I’m more happy about this. I gotta be careful with this
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Amazing.
I think that bacon comes with a built in boundary. I should take lessons from bacon, or maybe Ms. Monkey. 
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Awe girl I’m so sorry ur going thru so much pain at the moment 
is there anything that u can do that brings u some sense of calmness or peace? Sitting in a coffee shop away from what’s bothering u or a nature walk or making ur fav meal or snack or anything? I feel u on the no friends or family part. I don’t have those close to me either. It sucks and I feel alone sometimes too. But u do have us girl! I know it’s exactly the same but u have is to vent n chat to. Praying ur day gets better!
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Checking in
Day 116
Has been an insane day. It’s good hut I’m starting to get worn out. Running my last errand and then home to eat. I haven’t taken care of myself today and I feel it. That’s probably why I’m getting the urge to use. My mind is glorifying drug use in my head. Instead of feeding into the thought, I stopped to ask WHY??? Why am I wanting to use? 1st off hubby and I have alot of excess money lying around. And I’m also experiencing HALT. Hungry… yes. Angry… no. Lonely… no. Tired… yes. And this stems from not taking care of my needs today due to being so busy. I feel like I literally need to schedule breaks for myself otherwise I won’t eat or drink fluids or rest. Then I end up get irritable and worn down and then the urge to use occurs. I’m okay. The urge to use will pass and I’ll be so ever grateful that I didn’t give in. Thanks TS for being here 
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