Spent the weekend in bed feelin like crap, more pissed off at myself than ever. Had a headache 2 days straight, but that might’ve been from lack of caffeine. Staying up nights makes me feel the like sober clock is off but doing the math, it is correct.
Still can’t sleep, so I’m determined to stay up through today and make myself get outside for any reason. My plan so far is to hit the grocery store when the sun starts coming through, clean my car out because it’s genuinely been months since that’s happened, clean the house, and go for a walk before it gets too hot. Supposed to be 101⁰f/38⁰c.
There’s still about 3 hours til sunrise, and all of the tasks I’ve listed won’t take up much time. I need to find a job that fills my schedule and gives me a reason to regain a sleep routine, but job hunting is more stressful than actually working.
Feels like I’m chasing my own tail, just angry all the time. This has been the worst year of my life. If I said I was tired of fighting it would be a lie, I stopped fighting a long time ago. I just don’t know how to start again.
Day 10! I commit to my promise to myself and my family that I will not drink today. I’m greatful for all that I have!
I am finding that reading through everyone’s experiences is very helpful. I can relate to the confused feelings, the lows and then those rare moments of clarity. It’s amazing how our thoughts/state of mind dictates all of it. That’s why I have been writing out my promise every day to set my mind right for the day.
Good morning fam, feeling grateful and lots of love for myself. Although I did have a hard time with breakfast this morning things just didn’t seem to want to go right I was nervous again the whole time, i just made simple scrambled eggs and sausage. But the eggs were looking yucky from the pan. And then when I went to put salt into the eggs the piece that keeps the salt in flew off so a whole bunch of salt went into the eggs. But I was still happy with myself for doing it, and I ate some and thought it still tasted great. Well I’m gonna get ready and off to groups and all that good stuff, hopefully hit the gym later much love. Have super successful best you can do days
Checking in clean. I am so happy I am 41 pounds down from my highest weight. I have 21-22 pounds until I hit my “goal weight” God is so good I am off quarantine and back at work and I served for the first time all day yesterday and did really good. I’m happy… I also want to say I have a home group meeting I go to tonight but I don’t want to go… but I know I should … I am gonna try asking one of my friends for a ride bc my sponsor has Covid now… well I also am excited to get my hair professionally done in 2 days. I haven’t gotten it done in a long time and it’s time for something new… anyway, God bless and hope everyone stays clean.
Checking in on the morning of day 403. It’s a rainy morning and there is a crow outside my window who seems to be trying to… sing? I don’t know, it sounds awful. Poor crow. Have a bit of a headache this morning, probably from biking in the heat yesterday. I’m going to grab another cheeky coffee and procrastinate a bit more before getting off my ass and doing some work.
Day 3 (Part 2) - My days tick over at about 9:30pm so I’m a little way away from day 4, but I felt compelled to post after my day.
Today started with an unexpected start at 4:30am as I was too hot to sleep. Being groggy and grumpy I decided to head into work and threw myself back into a notty problem I had been dealing with at work. Unsurprisingly I got nowhere and ended up having a very frustrating conversation with my boss about it. By this point I was really feeling on edge and generally having a Bad Mental Health Day (capitals intentional as these are the days I know are pretty bad). In the end I stepped away from the task and started to be a bit kinder to myself. I have a series of mantra’s that help me with days like this that I have adopted (probably stole in all honesty, I’m so tired!) which help me to navigate life at its hardest:
Be kind to yourself (fairly self explanatory really!)
What’s one thing you can do today that will help tomorrow be a better day?
It can be something really small, like making your lunch ready for work tomorrow or have an early night.
What is the next right thing to do?
It helps me come back to the present. Often it helps me to focus on how I am feeling and what I need to work on (HALT).
It doesnt always work, but its becoming part of my toolkit to slow down, stop and take a minute. I’m not sure if it will help anyone else but it certainly helped me to refocus today and in the end I got some things done. Nothing spectacular. I chipped away at my to do list and I survived the day. If that’s all I achieved then so be it!
Feeling better than yesterday. I was able to get rest and did not wake up at 4am. Felt a little bit of anxiety this morning but that may be because I didn’t sleep my 8hrs. I promise guys I am not lazy but for me 8hrs of sleep is what is required. I mean I can do less now that I don’t drink but my magic number is 8. My family member did state that he is mentally exhausted. I get that, but I also feel that doesn’t give excuse to be an ass. I don’t want to give it any more time so we moved on. I feel they did not say their peace and hence why this blow up even happened in the first place. Even prior to wanting to do recovery in fact many years prior I learned that bottling up feelings leads to no good. I now express myself when needed and try and not keep myself in negative thoughts too long. I am in a good mood and have been loving my walks during lunch. I’m happy a trail is near by so I don’t just do neighborhood walking. Its nice to be in an actual trail. I could probably run but I’d get too sweaty. I’ve lost 5lbs since i stopped drinking. I had hope I see weight drop like a fly but it’s not. Patience is key. I will continue with my gym schedule. I have been eating more bread than usual so that might not be helping the situation too. Hello!!! Happy for today. Lets keep it sober friends.
Hope all our UK friends stay cool and safe during this heatwave.
ODAAT
@Mindymoo I actually discussed this with my sister yesterday. I told her that I have always felt a sense of competition and slight jealousy from said family member. It’s always felt weird to me. Now that we are in our adulthood this family member is very macho. Sometimes comes across as slight toxic. He’s use to people doing as he says and his word is always the last word. With me it’s never been like that. I have never allowed said individual to steam roll me and I tend to be very outspoken. I don’t apologize for that because I don’t like when women are boxed to the believed that we should do just as we are told. I did recognize that this relationship with said family member isn’t good for me. I’ve made the choice to be cordial but to keep at a distance. Although I l love this person very much. I love my piece a lot more. I hope that you get better soon. Are you the only one ill in your household? At my mom’s house they had a wave of covid early this year. Most tested positive but my sister and my niece never did. My sister got all the symptoms even the loss of taste and smell and her test never came back positive. Stay hydrated and do rest when you need it.
@BrianP That sounds tough but I do get the keep the peace sentiment. I love that art piece. I know you took the photos and all together look incredible. Thanks for sharing.
@Piglet86 Thanks for sharing that sunrise. I love any and all pictures that have to do with nature.
@CB103036 Hope you are doing better. Hang in there you’ve got 3 days. You can get lots more. ODAAT.
@Mno Lovely picture of the park. Looks like a great place to cool down.
You have to remember, that the first drink is always just an arm’s length away. But, Dana, you will go trough this like you go through the impressing 5 month. You are always half a month in front of me and we will go through this together.
I am off quarantine and back at work and I served for the first time all day yesterday and did really good. I’m happy… I also want to say I have a home group meeting I go to tonight but I don’t want to go… but I know I should … I am gonna try asking one of my friends for a ride bc my sponsor has Covid now… well I also am excited to get my hair professionally done in 2 days. I haven’t gotten it done in a long time and it’s time for something new… anyway, God bless and hope everyone stays clean.
keep up the good work.
but for me 8hrs of sleep is what is required. I mean I can do less now that I don’t drink but my magic number is 8. My family member did state that he is mentally exhausted. I get that, but I also feel that doesn’t give excuse to be an ass. I don’t want to give it any more time so we moved on. I feel they did not say their peace and hence why this blow up even happened in the first place. Even prior to wanting to do recovery in fact many years prior I learned that bottling up feelings leads to no good. I now express myself when needed and try and not keep myself in negative thoughts too long. I am in a good mood and have been loving my walks during lunch. I’m happy a trail is near by so I don’t just do neighborhood walking. Its nice to be in an actual trail. I could probably run but I’d get too sweaty. I’ve lost 5lbs since i stopped drinking. I had hope I see weight drop like a fly but it’s not. Patience is key. I will continue with my gym schedule. I have been eating more bread than usual so that might not be helping the situation too. Hello!!! Happy for today. Lets keep it sober friends.
