Thank you for understanding friend. 
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Hey hey! Major congrats on getting your life and self respect back, amigo!!! Awesome work. Happy for you and your family, too.
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So happy to read that your son is getting some assistance and it’s helping so far. Wonderful news.
I am sorry to hear that your husband is stressed and not able/willing to talk about it. That sounds frustrating.
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Checking in
Day 246
My soul feels full right now. I feel really good. Emotional but good. I woke up and got my son to school. I exercised this morning, have eaten well, and then attended my Monday bible study zoom mtg. I havent attended this in probably about 2 months. Have alot going thru my mind right now. But its all good things. I wont get into all the details about God and what i experienced today (Ill do that on my other thread that i have about God), but i bawled like a baby. I felt pain and sooo much hurt just come out of me. Everything thats been building up lately, things over my past and my hurt regarding my son and my fears and my worries about the stability of my recovery and feeling like im sliding back to old ways of thinking and acting… it came out and i bawled and it was such a good release. I spoke to a woman afterwards who sort of runs the zoom mtg and we prayed and i have never felt so validated regarding my struggles of my past. Basically having struggled in one way or another my entire life (not just with drugs etc) and fighting for everything i have today. It was amazing to hear her words. And i feel a sense of direction right now. I feel like i have a grasp of what i need to do spirituality and how by doing that impacts my daily life. I feel it and it feels amazing! I need to process alot of what was said. I made some notes for myself but im ready to surrender my life to my HP and to trust and connect with that HP. My worries about sliding back to old habits have literally gone away. For weeks ive struggled to grasp and get control over my recovery. I havent used or drank but i believe relapse happens before the actual act of relapsing, and i was scared. And what im coming to understand is that instead of trying to grasp at control, i need to let go of control. Stop running the show, stop trying to make things work, just surrender everything in my life to my HP and let go. And do the next right thing and connect to my HP daily and others, and stop getting in my own way. Im ready for a new phase of my recovery 
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Just rolled over into day 20. Exhausted from work, so I’ll play with the dogs, watch a little tv, and go to bed early. Hard to believe it’s almost been three weeks. Sometimes, it feels like eons; other times, it seems like a blip in time. Happier every day to be sober, and I’m starting to feel this is who I am.
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42 days down, on day 43. Had a decent day- got to the gym and had a work meeting. The meeting wasn’t anything special (we have it weekly) but it gave me some anxiety that’s lingering. Kind of feel like crying for no reason (sometimes I feel that way if I’m too anxious) but no desire to drink. It’s raining out so I can’t do a walk like I’d normally do- probably going to put something on tv.
As with all feelings, this shall pass. Not all days can be great, but all days are better sober.
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Checking in. 243 days without drinking, 52 days without online shopping, and (shhhhh, don’t tell me that it’s working) 3 whole days without cigarettes.
Today is my last day of a 5 day stretch off of work. I had some stress that led me into a depressive episode but I bounced back. I’m making moves to deal with the stress that I can help and trying to grant myself some grace on the stress that I can’t help.
Here is hoping that my non-smoking skills translate back into days that I have to work. Keep trying folks.
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Day 226
Was backpacking. We did 12 miles over 4 days. It was hard, emotionally, but went well physically. Very lucky to have that opportunity and that it worked out.
Itching to use. I wont. Didnt get all the writing i wanted to done. But did some.
The blueberries were still good by the time i got back so i made scones. Will catch up on the thread tonight. Maybe write about podcasts, maybe write some other stuff. Maybe watch tv. My body is sore.
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@Rockstar24777 Your message was lovely to read you make me smile 
I love seeing you go on hikes you leave me thinking about making mh own adventures too !
2:30am here had 3 hours sleep and im wide awake now, may pick up a book and see if thag helps me drop back off for few hours another 2 id be happy with 
I can make myself feel so bad about almost anything and your so right too being compassionate toward ourselves helps so much although not always easy when we let go and do be compassionate we find the ease in that itself.
Have a lovely evening 
@GOKU2019 So great to pop on and see your year huge congratulations. Your doing amazing.
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Oh. “Go Ku” Huh. I assumed he was a dragon ball Z fan but a Jayhawk makes more sense. This is Goku in case you’re unfamiliar
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I miss making those long-winded check-ins. I’m always so tired when I get home from work. Which is stupid… I literally type on a computer in pajamas. (Actually, hospital scrubs, but same difference.)
I do have to tell @GOKU2019 congratulations on one year! (Also, I thought it was a reference to Dragon Ball Z. Being in Kansas, I should’ve put more thought in).
I hope everybody is doing well. I promise I’ll post for real in the near future. I’ve got so much to catch up on 
, and a lot of venting to do. 
Have a great sober evening/morning everyone! 
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You’re so very welcome @Twizzlers and I meant every word 
have an amazing night and thank you for being such a good person, goodnight and sleep well 
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Big congratulations to you on 2 months!!!
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Day 1 again. I realised that I can’t do this alone. Went to a psychiatrist yesterday. Got medication to help with the anxiety and craving.
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1228
Coffee. Night outside. I have my happy lamp on. If anyhting it helps me wake up. In a little bit of a hurry as I got a train to catch in 35 minutes. Early shift coming up.
I’m sober and clean and that’s the first condition for a better happier life for all of us. One day at a time. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from Amsterdam and the Texas Hill Country, three years ago. Will be back there even if it takes more time than expected.
@nerd Good to see you and welcome back. We’re in this together.
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175 when i wake up tomorrow. Found out today the coach that i am assistant coaching with for soccer is also the varsity basketball coach. So i will be assistant bball coach too! Its crazy to me how some of these things have just been falling in my lap, but none of it would have happened if i was still drinking. Grateful for another day and more positivity in my life. Have a goodnight yall!
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Congratulations to 2 continues sober months! 
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