@Dolse71 congratulations on your 2 year sober birthday. I just seen it going back through the posts. That’s a hell of an accomplishment. You should be proud.
Day 605 today. Did some outside chores around the house, woke up in a funk this morning that I can’t seem to shake. No one cares as long as dad gets the outside chores done and gets the kids what they need. My wife seems irritated with me and is hardly talking with me, for what reason, I don’t know. It could all be very much in my head. I’ll get over it.
Short but good day at work. Starting to stress about finances next week. I’m having a minor outpatient surgery next Wednesday so I can only work next Monday and Tuesday….and those days aren’t looking promising at the moment.
Kinda beating myself up about all the crap I’ve been eating lately. I’ve lost 7lbs in the last couple of months, but need to lose another 20. So I haven’t been doing myself any favors with all the processed and sugary foods. Hopefully I’ll have the motivation tomorrow morning to start walking.
I didn’t realize you both had sober dates so close to mine. I hit 3 years this past Monday. @SoberWalker just celebrated 4 years and @Lorelai celebrates 3 years in couple days. Go us!!
Too bad we couldn’t all get together for a big party.
34 days. I know I’m being really self centered right now. I just wish I could be seen as a person with real needs. With a real heart. With goodness in me. That I’m not a monster. That I’m not a piece of paper. And it just feels like none of that matters. And nobody gives a damn what happens to me or where I have to go or what my life looks like. Like I have no value at all. No home. Nowhere I’m allowed and wanted. I’m in the way. A burden. A liability. A mistake. Seen as dangerous. My name is on things, but I’m not welcome there. Man.
I just cleaned the kitchen and started laundry…to avoid the mess in my room
The type of random, scattered, allover mess that is so overwhelming. It encroaches!!
Well I have to forgive myself for it being midweek and having a lot of items im about to mail, and last weekend I had family. Forgive myself for the messy room, and do just 15 min to make it better!!
I hope on Friday I get to sit at that cafe I like and write. I hope I have the energy. Its still hard to write here. But I have a lot to write!
Woke up today did my devotions watch a little TV I had two interviews this week and the one I really was hoping for came through this morning! I’m so excited to start a new career! Watched some Joyce Meyer, got some inspiration listened to Zach Williams Dry Bones rattling! This day is rocking!
How are you doing Miranda?
A good really long hot evening shower with some tears always helped me out a lot at night when I was struggling.
Thinking of ya?
Man that is a lot and I feel for you but I’ll tell you one thing you do have you have 34 motherfucking days sober!! and NOBODY can take that from you. Some days all that we have is our sobriety but we have that and it’s more than we used to have. Which means we’re better off than we used to be.
I have a life motto: Trajectory over Position. It doesn’t matter where you are in life the only thing that matters is your trajectory! You can be living high on the hog or everyone seems to cater to you if you’re trajectory is down over time you will crash. However if you’re at the bottom or somewhere Far Below where you know you should be living but you’re trajectory is pointed up then you are more successful than that person who is in a better position but pointed down! Just keep that chin up keep adding days and eventually not only will your position improve over time but you’re going to be in a good enough space to keep that trajectory stable.
I can’t do shit to fix my past except everything I can to avoid returning. Take care brother. You’re cool in my book.
Good evening y’all I’m still here I’m still 100% sober and without any nicotine. Im grateful for all of that.
I’ve also been kind of a ignorant pig headed ass in my marriage. I think I’ve been too focused on being right and not focused enough on being kind. It’s hard because I get so used to having to fight myself fight my laziness and my complacency. Between deadlines at school, time management, work hell worsening every day as healthcare colapses, I just feel like I struggle for everything and that sometimes I just get to ahead of myself and its the old hammer seeing everything as a nail cliché. I didn’t sleep on the couch or in the guest room yesterday and I did come home after the argument which are a little bit wiser choices than I’m known for lol. Trying not to shut down and push off like usual.
I could have used our argument yesterday to get some grass or even easier to buy a pack of smokes for sure. I didn’t because I don’t want that. I know I don’t want that.
Anyway my schedule changed a bit due to constant short staffing so I need to get to bed so I can wake up in 5 hours and get back to work. I hope everyone has a good night or day depending on where you are. Take care
Evening Check in Day 219
Not really much to mention tonight. Had a few moments with hubby were he was irritating me. I just went to bathroom and took like 2 min to relax my body and deep breathe. Then came back out to the living room to chat and get supper going. Evenings are always my easily irritated times. But i dont want him to have to feel exhausted with me before even coming home from work. I want his time at home to be enjoyable and relaxing. Thats very important to me. Anyway, the evening was okay. Putting my son to bed now. Going to relax with my hubby afterwards feels good to have another clean and sober day under my belt. Hope u all are too celebrating another day too ☆
Evening Check in 
feels good to have another clean and sober day under my belt. Hope u all are too celebrating another day too ☆