Day355
Really, really haven’t been feeling it (don’t know what IT is but I’ve not felt IT) the last few days.
Just meandering through life, nothing exciting, just plodding along in my own little existence, work, eat, gym, sleep, repeat. It keeps me sober but I miss some interactions I used to have but I have myself and my hectic home/work/family life to blame for not fostering friendships.
I’m not a social butterfly in any shape or form, I’m generally happy when I’m alone, I can stick to my writing but even that has dried up over the last few days.
I know why, I have been shielding my family and supporting them following all the losses we have hd this year. 2 parents/grandparents, a very close family friend and 3 pets (which makes a huge difference to the kids). Grief is hitting me a little more, I can’t show my family, it’s not how I cope or process things my job is to be the one holding them up and I feel myself crumbling inside.
On the way home from work last night a song came on the radio. I started singing along (I say singing but was more warbling) the next thing I had to pull over as I started crying from the words resonating and triggering a memory. I felt bad for being human, I can’t let the grief in until my family are healing properly.
I’m not low, depressed or anything like that, i know it’s ok to cry and it’s ok not to be ok. I just feel like I need to stay strong and I’m starting to fail.
I won’t break my cycle of sobriety, this has helped me, if I was drinking I wouldn’t care but i wouldn’t be there either which is worse so it’s keeping me sober rather than making me crave.
Hope everyone has a good day/evening/night.
Hold your loved ones tight. I was never super close. I never really missed my partners parents when they were around but It’s amazing how much you miss them when you don’t have the option of seeing them anymore.
Going to quit someday, first I need to know what I want to do instead 
Have an amazing day today, love you guys! 
