Gave myself a big job to do today, seemed like a great idea now I just think I canāt be bothered but why leave it
Itās a cuboard behind my front door that has allot of room for storage and I could do with using the space.
I havenāt opened it for for approx 5-7 years.
Have no idea what is in there ā¦ Thinking to just throw it all out as I havenāt needed any of it all this time, but Iāll still go through it and probably end up keeping it all
Just need to find the motivation to start it, also worried about what may be living in there .
Checking in day 39. Using the smart recovery meetings a few times a week and reading and working through the handbook. Also started listening to the recovery elevator podcasts from the beginning on the hour drive home from work, I think theyāre up around 400 episodes so that should keep me busy since thatās the time I used to stop for more alcohol during the weekdays. The weekends require a little more workā¦ But all in all been feeling good, except for this fuckin head cold going on 3 days now . Supposed to rain/snow tomorrow with wind so if I feel like shit I aināt going to work. @SoberWalker, sorry you had to go through that really horrible experience. But glad you were able to handle it the way you did.
Decided and early rise in the morning and to do the cuboard then, had to much on today to fit it in. It would only end in me stressed as adding it to the to do list today was just unrealistic.
Duvet evening I thinks
So, here it goesā¦ i had been doing so well. Felt great. Life was goodā¦ then. A fall, spinal fracture and pelvis fractureā¦ pain stopped me sleeping, super strong meds, had to close my business, zero income, couldnāt walk for 4 weeks, have to move out of my apartment, couldnāt spend a lot of time with my kids over xmas, bills buildingā¦ needed an escape (so i thought). I chose the wrong way to escape. Now Iām back. Feeling determined, wiser, and know and understand a bit more what my triggers are. I was told that itd take me 4 months to start moving, walking again and exercisingā¦ Iām back in the gym this week after 2 months and ive a new business opening next week. Iām so grateful that i can recover from my injuriesā¦ I now need to get back on track and make the right choices day by dayā¦ so Iām checking inā¦ day 1 and counting
@SoberWalker Iām so sorry Iām also glad that youāre not left wondering long-term, I imagine there is peace in that. Much love to you, and I hope, in time, that your memories of Buts will bring you comfort @Charlie_C congrats on 800 days @Lorelai congrats on 40 months feel better soon @EnglishBob welcome back sorry about the injuries, but itās great that youāve healed well.
897 days no alcohol.
362 days no cocaine.
Disassembled the drawers I attempted to build, and managed to pack it all back in itās box, ready for collection tomorrow, then hopefully Iāll get my refund fairly soon after. I returned the drill today and theyāve processed my refund and said I should receive it in my bank in 5-7 days. So thatās some stuff off the to-do list.
Had my first therapy session with the new therapist today, he talks so much compared to my previous therapist! Was not expecting that so it was definitely a new experience. He suggested that I join the trans and non-binary support group for male and non-binary survivors of sexual abuse, so Iāve reached out to them today and submitted a self-referral form at their request, they advised me the group is on the 2nd Saturday of every month online, so it wonāt be too intrusive, which is good.
I almost didnāt, but I went for the lake walk before the Sun went down, glad I did, despite the pain in my ankle.
Tomorrow Iām going to read around on here, as I have to wait in for the collection of these packages, the timeslot is 10:30-19:00.
I am glad that you got your sign this time and your friend was able to talk you out of picking up. Do you have a relapse prevention plan? If you dont writing one out is useful, here is a template if you are interested.
Iāve just finished with this eveningās parent teacher meetings in regards my teenaged son. Heās really coming on this year at school after a number of years of struggling. At one point I was feeling that perhaps I hadnāt been focusing enough on his schoolwork but I quite quickly realised that Iāve never done this before, and that Iām giving it my best and thatās good enough. I can see that this newfound ability to reassure myself is something that I had difficulty with in the past. I used to be an everyday drinker, so it never really occurred to me that I was dampening these sorts of worries rather than dealing with them. I mean, it never felt like I was drinking to try to solve problems if I was going to be drinking anyway if that makes sense. Itās not always been easy having a clear head, but itās so much simpler in the long run.
Also I just wanted to say to @SoberWalker how sad to hear about Buts. My thoughts are with you.
Thank you so much for your words Bill!
I love being boringly ritualistic too and I totally agree that this is helpful.
A problematic contact blamed me for it 2 weeks agoā¦ And several times last year as we still were in contact before I got sober. True friends would not blame us for things that are positive for us.
I am slowly getting back into my routinesā¦ Meditated last days every morning, did some free writing in my book and wrote in gratitude thread.
Letās go onā¦ One breath, hour and day by another. Nothing more like this day.
Day 17. Iām feeling very triggered. I was all the things - hungry, angry, lonely and tired. I addressed the hunger. Iām having a hard time letting go of the anger. Iāll reach out to a friend. And probably go to bed early. It was so tempting to stop at the liquor store on my way home. I really want to say fuck it and drink. But I donāt want to have to walk into group therapy tomorrow and admit to a relapse. I wish I could pause my sobriety for a day. But I know it doesnāt work that way. This is the first day in a while with cravings this strong. This sucks.
Ah thanks bc I actually relapsed the next day It wasnāt too bad just a day and a half got myself back on track Monday morning. Thankfully I realized as I was using it wasnt worth it at all and I didnāt even feel that great. Iāll print this out
now I just think I canāt be bothered but why leave it 
.
. Supposed to rain/snow tomorrow with wind so if I feel like shit I aināt going to work. 
Iām so sorry for your loss.
chilling watching paranormal activity
Iām also glad that youāre not left wondering long-term, I imagine there is peace in that. Much love to you, and I hope, in time, that your memories of Buts will bring you comfort 
sorry about the injuries, but itās great that youāve healed well.
and I totally agree that this is helpful.
It wasnāt too bad just a day and a half got myself back on track Monday morning. Thankfully I realized as I was using it wasnt worth it at all and I didnāt even feel that great. Iāll print this out