thank you 
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I am so sorry that you are in so much pain and the medical profession is dragging their feet in helping you out. I do hope you receive some attention soon and get the surgery scheduled asap. You are doing amazing with your 432 day!!! Sending you some healing vibes love! Sorry you are suffering.
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Checking in on evening
24 days no marijuana
6months 3 days no alcohol
I can’t believe the stress I’ve been under
Me and my wife are trying to move to a new state with my family to get out of a very bad situation
I just want to move and be there then I can relax
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Moving alone can be difficult but to another state and because of a bad situation can be super stressful. Are you doing anything to help alleviate the stress? Your numbers are looking good my friend- gotta stay strong
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My counter changes to day 373 in three hours, and I’m wide awake. Actually feeling ok but still very full of energy. If I’m still awake at 5am I’ll go on the rowing machine for a bit. Any earlier and I’m afraid the noise will wake the kids or the neighbours.
I’ve chatted to a couple of friends during the course of yesterday and spent some time sorting some old photos and things I’d kept a hold of. I always find sorting through old stuff wipes me out for a bit.
There are a couple of birthdays coming up, so I’ve managed to buy presents online that I think will fit the bill. Then I remembered that my parents celebrate their golden wedding in September. They haven’t said if they’re doing anything for that yet, but I’ve already found a really great gift for them (an iron welcome bell for their front door) I also have a lovely photo of just the two of them that I’ll get printed and framed.
I’m also remembering to drink enough water and have been occupying myself with some cryptic crosswords.
Edited to add one of the notebooks I found had the following written on it and I typed it out.
Have a good day all!
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Day 37. Had some cravings, but have been able to remind myself that it’s not worth it. I blame hormones for the mood swings. Plus weekends were when I’d really drink heavily.
It’s nearly 9PM where I live, so I’ll be heading to bed soon. 
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Checking in with 68 days AF. Basic day, but I did get a run in.
Tomorrow morning, long awaited blood tests. And a mammogram, yuck. No coffee until I get home 
Take care all!
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Good luck with the blood tests and mammogram.
Glad I take my coffee black you can do that for fasting blood work.
Congrats on the 68 days.
Going over my lipid panel with my doc Tuesday. Sucks getting old.
Good to tell them we don’t drink though. I make sure they know.
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Day 219
Monday, meh. The weekend was not that bad, a little too boring because I couldn’t do much. It is raining since the end of last week and since yesterday we have a humidity of 98% 
Although I did my Yoga routine before bed I wasn’t able to sleep. It was too warm and too humid.
So I hope this day is going to be good 
Looking forward to my first coffee in 30 minutes lol.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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1430
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
78 Years ago today the First Canadian Army liberated Amsterdam. The bonds between Canada and The Netherlands are strong. Forever grateful
Also to all you lovely Canadians here. Love you folks. We’re together in freedom. X
@CATMANCAM HUGE congrats on 1000 days of freedom from alcohol friend!
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Checking in sober just for today hope everyone is well and fighting the good fight
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Day 
Now I really want to correct this - I am not feeling special and this is actually painful for me to talk since it gives me anxiety. Oposite. I sometimes feel like crazy and don’t want to be open about things, like that. But I feel like I have to and I feel like it’s part of the program. Part of 12 steps that I actually believe are fundamental core principles of all spiritual disciplines.
So I already talked about this like before last relapse or so, but I need to get back a little bit more to it.
2011.11.31 Halloween around 23:30 I got stabbed with big kitchen knife by my alcoholic father 5 milimeters from sleep artery. Was running without shoes, blood spilling around and there was no one to help me around. I felt lightheaded and tough that thats gone be the end for me. But suddenly a car showed in and called ambulance! That probably saved my life. Doctors said it was very serious and after surgery one of the best surgeon from the clinics said I can celebrate my second birthday today! That was the day I felt the love of God! That was miracle to me! And indeed I now understand that life IS and ALWAYS was a miracle. We just kind of sleep, live on few senses, not fully using all our capabilities, not fully see the whole picture. It is good at some point. All comes with time and when needed.
Then. My friend came in - the same friend I posted about him - yesterday and bring me a a chocolate egg. It was our little tradition to buy those every time we meet. And boy oh boy… I open it and inside found this
(Paramedic figurine)
I felt electricity in my body and was shocked to the bones. I mean the miracle was that I am still alive! There were no one around that night, and then the car appeared out from nowhere! And then this figurine of a running doctor popped out from nothing. I knew at that moment that this is not nothing and might seem to you as coincidence, but being back from a horror like that, Alive! - that was something like a touch from the spirit world, Higher Power, Angel I don’t know but never felt that in my life - ever before!
Since then my life changed like black and white. Morals changed, Virtues changed. Every day is a gift now.
But what I want to talk. about today, and what gives me anxiety is that those strange signs, coincides, synchronicity became part of my life. Those signs and strange coincidences keeps following me. I studied / practiced Budhism before, Kundalini - had really strong spiritual expiriences that probably is not a right time and place to talk about. Was into quantum physics and I am familiar with those phenomenon, but when it hapens I am still freaked out, and many years ago I did not wanted to talk about it to seem crazy. It’s just not ordinary thing and living ordinary life you block that information, those waves.
I always try to be sceptical and deny, argue with it. It’s easy to get lost. I learned to stay in balance. Learned… but before that…
Beer was that picture in my mind, that ordinary picture - you know, like El Bundy, Homer Simpson, Family Guy… That “normal” of western culture. Like it is what everyone does and for me that picture was escape. I just wanted to shut all those strange things down. Be like everyone - “normal”. I wanted to stay in the box. But there was times like I came into bar and a random guy says something about spiritual practices - literally what I was thinking about. I remember even finished his sentrnce, and said last words together at the same time. Or thinking about something and then hearing exact song. Gettingg partner at work that we are stuck in truck together whole day, who practices some similar form of yoga and meditation and he basically answers all the question I struggled with. Those became my new “normal” now.
There is so much I can talk about, but I don’t want to put ton of text here. Few more interesting coincidences I wanted to talk, but it would take so much time to fully explain.
Like I started to see 11:11 all the time. And yes I tried to be sceptical and I know how brain works and you can point attention to something and see it all the time, because it works on subconscious levels. And maybe it’s true, but I got strong message the day before I injured my arm.
I was working, driving car, standing in crossroadss and listening AA tapes. And I hear on the tape - Priest who helped to AA members a lot - says - there is no coincidences, life is a miracle, we just need to change our glasses - Put the New Glasses on!
It got my attention, I lift my head and in front I see the BIIIIIIGGGGGG portrait of Glasses - and the number under it 7111111111111111 Call.
I was like - nooooooo waaaaayyy 
I was sober for like 3 months and after it freaked out, started to drink and the next day injured my hand and still have half handicapped right hand…
Last one I remember clearly was when I was drunk and lost my wedding ring. I accidentlly flushed it down. Heard how it dropped. I heard that metalic sound hit the ceramic. I spend about 3-5 hours trying to get it back. Went to basement pipe system, filters and so on…
Then I go upstairs and see our Flat number is 11 indeed. Again… I know what sinchronicity, but I am still sceptical, but I said ok. Opened random book. Random page. And read:
Church doors are always opened to you… "
And then at the end of the sentence, bam something dropped in the ground - The Wedding Ring!.. I mean… ok coincidence? How many of them do I need?
So let’s get back to the newest ones. On my birthday, I said I need to go to talk to my wife about our Church Marriage. Haven’t talked with her for years. I said I will go NOW - and… car suddenly got broken… Ok, that needs more time I guess… I said.
Yesterday I met my girlfriend and had a talk about our friendship. We went to Gas Station and suddenly I saw one woman from witch I had intimacy after I divorced. I thin it was her. I felt uncomfortable and tried not to look to her. We then walked back to car and… My Wifes car arrived. Ok that was interesting coincide. Maybe just coincide. Can’t really take something from it. Maybe I thought today, we atract each other in some ways. We were driving the same highway that day. Maybe I am not letting my past go and go together with it? Something like that? Or nothing…
I remember on AA meeting in one group called Mapple. Same sign as we use for new drivers. Pretty cool. We have one of new driver sign on the doors where meetings happen. It’s now in old washing machines abandoned buidling. We say we wash our souls there 
Anyway, I remember one women said, once you start this spiritual practice, you are “in the club”. She once wanted to relapse badly. Got herself a bottle. Opens it… and hears on TV: “Hey You! Yeah You! I am speaking with You.” Priest on TV said. She was like she listened and did not drinked…
And I hear many stories on AA like this. It helped to accept it more. Not to be afraid. I met many people with similar expiriences, had lots of knowledge and experiences that I don’t think it is something special, unusual… We just need to put the new glasses ON! 
And the last one. Today.
So I am sitting at my truck and thinking about yesterday’s Gas Station. I was like, I don’t understand, please, help me. Then my phone started to lag when I opened mail. It started so called Ghost touch. When the phone lags and pushes itself without even touching. Happens time to time with my old phone, Technical problems. But the mail it opened was interesting one!
The message is random from some app or page or something. Can’t really remember. You can call it a spam message or advertising. The point is answers are all around us!
Now we don’t need to overcomplicate anything. Simply putting to the point - I need to align with my path. I speak one, but do oposite. I am talking about sobriety and wisdom and the light l, but then I drink and choose oposite.
Then what to expect from this? I am thankful I am listening and getting the answers.
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365 AF, checking in.
I want to extend my deepest gratitude to everyone on here.
My first few months were spent on here daily, on good or bad days. Without you guys my journey this past year wouldn’t have been nearly as constructive or as pleasant as it has been.
Onwards and upwards, one day at a time. I’m thankful for all of you.
Love from Amsterdam.
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Huge congrats - happy days, well done 
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Day 1081 … have a good day all where ever you are … …
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,058. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Congratulations 
. I hope you had a lovely beverage in that lovely spot!
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@Misokatsu - HUGE Congratulations on your 1000 days! You’re such an inspiration to me! That’s a massive achievement.
Day 114.
My back to basics sobriety strategy seems to be working. Last night I went to bed early(ish), this morning I got up at 8, meditated, then showered and walked the dog.
Spent a couple of hours with my mom and she drained the living crap outta me and ignited my anxiety.
It’s not her fault, really, just… interacting with her takes a lot. And it’s really hard to explain why, there’s no specific reason, just a… heaviness and a permanent feeling of uneasiness after years of sweeping trauma under the rug. It’s just hard.
I’m seeing my therapist later this week, so I’ll try to bring it up with her.
But for now, I’m just gonna focus on taking care of myself and my sobriety. However I’m feeling, drinking will only make it so much worse.
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Day 1,060 clean and sober today. I had a date yesterday on my lunch break and it was really nice! She is a substance abuse counselor as well and works at an all women’s facility not far from where I work. It was a beautiful day and she seemed like a really kind person. If nothing else, it was good practice lol. Had a really great time. Anyway, I hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys 
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