Good Morning Sober family
Checking in Day 72 AF
Feeling tired but enthusiastic a nd grateful ~~ for the tools of Healing and Recovery.
Hope you all have a good one today.
Sober with a little help from you my friends
Thereās nothing stopping any single person who is reading this from getting here. You donāt need to struggle and toil for years before it āclicksā. Making years of mistakes is not a requirement of sobriety. Years or drinking and drugging is pain enough, why do you want to make your recovery just as hard.
I know AA isnāt the only way, but youāll have a rough time telling me itās not the easiest. I spent too long out in the wilderness of my own ego to know that my own way would never work.
Day 77 AF. Feeling tired today. Supposed to be a pretty day outside so I will get out and get some Sun and work in the yard some. Hopefully that will snap me out of it.
I donāt want to restart my sobriety. It has been hard work and I donāt want to undo all of that. Itās a little corny but I think of the expression that inside of each of us are two wolves, and itās up to us to decide which one we feed, care for and nurture. For 20 years Iāve been tending to the selfish, ego-driven, anger-fueled wolf that thinks life should be fair and easy and drinks away itās bad feelings. No wonder the other wolf is now throwing a tantrum that Iām finally looking at it and paying attention to it.
I need to keep going and get a sponsor but I also need to learn basic coping strategies for managing intense emotions. Iāve already picked up some great ideas in this forum. And @Cjp im going to start posting daily in the gratitude thread.
Recovery isnāt linear - I just remember this. I also think I should start tracking abstinence from junk food binge eating - this is not helpful in any way.
Iād be lying if I said Iām not still in a funk but I know what I need to do and with your help I feel motivated to keep trying. Thanks all and I wish everyone a sober day
Good to hear that you are not giving in and it was even better that you opened yourself about what is currently going on in your life and whatās troubling you. Thatās definitely better than trying to find an answer all by yourself and allowing these negative emotions to feed on you. One big step done in the right direction!
If you have someone to talk to in real life about your current situation, that would be the first thing to do, just vent as much as possible. When your head starts to clear, write down all of the things going on and add them into one of the three categories:
cannot be changed
can be changed with a lot of efforts
can be changed with less efforts
Then have a look at the list again and check with yourself which of these need to be tackled with priority.
For those things in the last category, add an action plan, e.g. donāt drive to Burger King, but use a time-saving Internet recipe for a salad, wrap, bowl or whatever you like.
For those things with higher efforts, decide when you want to work on it, what needs to be done to prepare for it and who might help you with it.
If the points are in the category ācannot be changedā, start learning about how to accept these and how to cope with them. Some topics might become less distracting, frustrating or depressing when you talk about them, read about them or spent time mentally putting yourself into the situation you are afraid of. If required, set a timer to take you out of the possibly depressing moment after a time, itās like saying to yourself āitās OK to be down and depressed for 30 minutesā. When the time is over, counter the just experienced moment by being physically active, e.g. go for a run, paced walk or swim. Now itās time for your body to be active, not your mind. Block off times in your calendar to repeat these exercises, check your list once a week to check off things you did start working on.
All the best to you, sending you energy and positive thoughts
I am so happy that you came here @Catmama23 to let us all in on your struggles rather than giving in to the addict. Glad to hear that you are now feeding and nurturing the other wolf. A sponsor would definitely be helpful- wishing you luck in finding one soon.
Thank you @AlexWayhill - your post was extremely helpful and something i plan on starting for myself. Appreciate you
988 days no alcohol.
453 days no cocaine.
75 days no vape.
3 days no binge-eating.
Slept for just one hour last night so Iām tired but restless today.
I did my morning routine and my morning walk. Had my phonecall with the cessation nurse.
Went to return some clothes that donāt fit to the sports shop, so a bit more walking.
I spoke to my dad, and he is doing much better, he is off all the pain meds and his pain is now manageable, he found a good osteopath and heās ādoing the trickā. Iām so pleased, I was so worried about him.
Had to reset my impulsive spending counter because while I was checking the storeās website to see if they had any hoodies in my size that match the joggers Iāve got, I spotted a really nice outfit. Iāve had a whole palarva with me getting my order wrong, ordering again amd therefore paying twice for delivery, duplicate payments being taken, communicating with customer service, itās definitely the Universe teaching me a lesson, so Iāll listen.
I am way too tired to do my evening walk, even though I really want to, to clear my head. My feet are also really hurting so they have probably had enough for today as well, so Iāll listen to them too.
Back to work after a 5 day weekend thanks to rain and a day to remember our fallen.
Not much to report just trucking along as usual, no hiccups to report other than the odd thought about picking up sneaking in here and there. Nothing I cant deal with.
Even if you relapse they say keep coming back, even if its back to this forum, keep ya chin up its hard out here playing the game of life.
Iām on the up now. Allergies have lessened, listened to my body when it asked me to rest, I did a prayerful journaling session today modeled after this beautiful loving-kindness meditation I did last week, I forgot to buy new bedsheets for myself! Iāll do it tomorrow.
Today, I was woken up by my neighbor upstairs who was banging on the floor and yelling ābaby!ā I had never met this neighbor before and he had never met me but for some reason I thought he was calling for me. I thought I couldnāt be that important and chalked up his behavior to him being strange so I didnāt pay it any attention and I went back to sleep. When I woke up 4 hours later, he was still banging on the floor and yelling ābaby!ā so I decided to go upstairs to see what was happening. I found him on the floor and unable to get up. He was very advanced in age and his feet were stubs through a combination of arthritis and diabetes. He was in fact yelling for me to come up and help him for the past 4 hours. I couldnāt believe this elderly man was living by himself, barely able to move around in his cramped apartment. He had no landline or cell phone and after I got him in his chair he just seemed like he was happy to have someone in his apartment. There is also an elderly woman who lives by herself two floors up. Sheās always slowly lugging groceries up and down the stairs and whenever I offer to help her, she waves me off. Last week she came to our door and talked our ear off but she was hilarious and so sweet. It also seems like sheās lonely up there by herself.
The kinds of people Iām attracting to me are of a different caliber now. No chaos, no gamesājust curiosity, good intentions, and even better love. The only times (2) Iāve felt chaotic and off balance were the times I crossed my own boundaries. The people who come into my life trying to cause chaos donāt know how to get a rise out of me and they look foolish. People who are selfish, thrill seeking, indecisive, bad communicators, and have weak boundaries donāt even look my way because I look boring to them. Iām no longer a crazy maker and people feel a sense of calm in my presence.
! Congrats on freedom from alcohol!
sending strength š©µ
