@tailee17 thanks, it’s late night here and I am in the app trying to be accountable and get some help
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I am in California 3 pm and where are you?
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Spain, 12:00 A.M
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Oh my gosh . Isn’t technology grand. Keep reading all the wonderful topics and stories here. Hang in there💐
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Yes, I thank to God, because at this time I can connect
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Welcome Romnan to the community and good on your for your day 1. This is an amazing community and checking in daily here on this thread will give you accountability. I would also suggest joining us on the 100 day SOBER challenge! – You can use this for your binge eating 
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@MegaMeg glad to see that you jumped straight back into sobriety. Do you know what caulsed the replase and what you plan to do if this situation arises again?
@EarnIt Welcome back Jene. I can totally understand the feeling of being uncertain of sobriety. We all have our own journeys and have to have the will to live a sober life. This is not an easy road by any means but I do believe wholeheartedly that it will be a very fruitful one – filled with good health, a new sense of self, a love for life and living each day to the fullest. I am thrilled that you are back with us on this journey.
@andrea4 congrats on your 10 months!
@noshame That’s awesome – so happy for you!
@catmama23 You are absolutely right – the timer reset does not work for everyone and in your case concentrating on that alone may be hindering your growth. You have done amazing to have had only two nights of drinking since 2/21. You have also made mounds of progress since then emotionally and spiritually. I do hope that you are able to have the tough conversation and get a sponsor that more fits your needs and get back on the anit depressant meds for a little while so that you can sort through all the stuff going on.
[quote=“Catmama23, post:124, topic:165215”]
So I’m throwing away the shame and focusing on progress, not perfection.
[/quote] That’s amazing right there!!!
@Marc3 glad you made your way back to the check in – I agree that life can get busy but this check in especially at the beginning is super necessary to keep us on the right track. You are doing great – Day 24 … woot woot – how will you celebrate your 1st 30?
@matt wow – good on you for hushing up them gremlins. Way to show up for yourself and work this ODAAT
@bomdhil Great job on day 5 Thomas – Glad that the retreat was helpful. I am sorry that the temptations are nipping at you. Can you go to a meeting? Try doing an online zoom meeting? Do something to keep yourself distracted? Remember – the urges don’t last long – you are stronger than your addiction my friend – YOU CAN OVERCOME
WOW - checking in Thursday afternoon — It’s been a day
161 weed and alcohol free
576 days cigarette free
I am still struggling with a lot but trying to stay positive. The heat really did not help me any today (just caused everything to itch, hurt more) - turned on the ac and now i’m freezing – AAHHHH just can’t get comfortable in or out of my body. I am exhausted and decided to take a break and catch up some here to rest my legs. About to go make dinner 
Enjoying a refreshing la croix and not thinking about my DOC’s. Sending much love to all of you 
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Congratulations 
You are an inspiration to us all!
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I don’t know that I have any advice because you seem to know everything in your head, it’s just putting it into practice. I’m glad you’re not falling into shame or anger, just keeping humble and looking at what happened and what you can learn. Sending strength and wisdom 
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Checking in sober. I’m not really looking at my counter, since I reset a couple times. I only drank 4 days out of the last past 5 months. That feels like more progress than the current 12 day streak. Lots of things swirling around in my mind. Trying to figure things out.
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HOW COOL is that… Lovely foundation my friend.
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113 days sober today. I am thankful for another day. I am thankful for this community.
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Days
234 substance free
151 self harm free
Today, well last night, I started noticing weakness on my left side. Leg, arm, and ache in my neck and lower rib cage area. I know this means another set of symptoms are on their way. I am trying to prepare myself. I have lidocaine patches and cream. I am out of the liquid lidocaine from the hospital. I will not use substances to self medicate. I know that usually the pain is only a few days to a week. And then it’ll be ok. Or mostly back to normal. I will either be on here a lot more to distract myself or less to sleep more. Those are the two best ways for me to deal with it medication free.
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I’m so sorry love - Has this happened before? Have you checked this out? Can you ask your doctor for a new prescription of the lidocaine?
I do hope that you are able to get through this with minimal pain. Always here to help you with the distractions. Be well my friend. 
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day 456 of no self harm
sometimes breathing just feels wrong. like every breath I take is a mistake. there’s no reason for this feeling. sometimes I just get hit with overwhelming grief. grief for the person my younger self dreamed off. i don’t know how my younger self had the capability to hope. how did she still have the desire to live? even in my worst moments I dreamt of my future self. everytime I tried to die, I told myself if I survived this at least there was future me. if I survive this maybe I can finally become someone who doesn’t feel like this. who doesn’t ache to be gone. what happened that crushed all my hope. sure I have things I want to do in life. but they feel laughable. like a fantasy. it is no longer a dream, it’s just wishful thinking. when i think of who I want to be I’m still aware that I will likely still want to die even if I reach my dreams. my dreams have become so simple. i used to have elaborate plans for myself. now my biggest dream is just to move out. what happened. how did a kid so broken manage to have dreams and now with all of the coping skills I learned I have none. i guess I realized how fucked up I actually was. i realized how terrible my surroundings were. i realized I wasn’t a fighter. maybe I used to be but you can only do that for so long. you can only lie to yourself for so long
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Intense grief is exhausting. It’s ok if our dreams change or if we can’t accomplish everything we want to. You’re already a warrior and you’re tough. That said, I hope you can find ways to soothe your mind and body because you deserve peace.
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Sweet Mega are a fighter – I’ve only known you a short time and I can see this in you. It’s just that you’ve had to fight so much that you are simply exhausted. Your mind is really working overtime on you and trying to crush your hopes/ dreams. You are 21 my love - you have so much to live for and so many future you’s to meet. Don’t ever give up on dreaming. Small dreams are still dreams.
YOU ARE NOT FUCKED UP!! I do hope you are able to change your terrible surroundings soon.
Hows your healing going from the surgery? Are you able to move around some more. All the pain you were in leading up to the surgery and now the staying in one place and being isolated and unable to do much movement - this all can take such a toll.
Are you able to do face time chats with your friends?
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i was able to go grocery shopping with my mom and see my grandpa today but it was way too much walking and now I’m in a bit of pain. i don’t really do video calls with my friends but we talk on the phone
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Oh good that you are moving about. It will take some time to regain your strength. Sorry that you are in pain. Hopefully you will be fully recovered from your surgery soon.
I just want you to know that you are a fighter, you are beautiful and deserve to dream and get to know the future you.
Glad you are talking with your friends - now that you are starting to get a bit better - can you friends come over to hang out and keep you company?
Are you able to talk to a professional to help you deal with these feelings.
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