Yesterday after work I went looking for alcohol in the apartment and found some bourbon that wasn’t locked up. I had two (double) drinks and then stopped. I didn’t enjoy any of it at all and I really don’t like the taste of burbon which helped keep me from drinking more. This was different from the other relapse/close relapse where drinking felt like me taking back some agency in my life. This time it was more about how hard recovery has been so far, how it feels so hard to be in my emotions all day every day, I just didn’t care anymore about trying to build something that hurts so much. So I gave up. But it didn’t help at all and of course I was so irritated and ashamed about losing my days.
However, I’m starting to wonder if counting days is constructive for me, personally. Like ok, I have zero days sober. But I’ve also only drank on two nights since February 21st, after drinking heavily 5 or more nights a week for years. So I’m throwing away the shame and focusing on progress, not perfection.
I also think my frustration with my sponsor is causing more harm than good. She said I’m back at step one now but I’m not sure what that means or what to do. I know I can get a new one but I have a lot of social anxiety tied up with all of that.
It was good for me to really think about how drinking makes me feel - pouring poison into my body - and it was hella not worth it. I just wish I could land on a recovery routine that feels good and doable and helpful. Still figuring out some of these pieces. I probably need to get back on anti depressant meds as well ASAP. I’ve felt extra hopeless and bleak this week.
Yes! Please do this, my friend. This is the next right thing to do. And in my instance, I wanted to be sober so bad, willing to immerse myself in recovery, that I found I stopped counting after about 100 days and acknowledged monthly milestone. Now, my milestones come from personal/spiritual growth. While some of those milestones can be unpleasant at the time, I know they are necessary. You are a gift to me and others here, friend. Don’t ever believe anything different.
Yesterday was day 1 of ending my binge eating. First few days always feel easy because I still feel like crap from my most recent binge. Have some new strategies and tools to help stop myself from relapsing this time though. I can’t keep putting this off, it’s time to get healthy. My 29th birthday is in September, just over 100 days away. I want to give myself a 100 day streak for my birthday.
Good to see you back here. I might even have replied this one to you many months ago. It is still true and I thought of it when you described the process so well and so detailed.
Thanks Stella good to see you . It’s been a while, got my acceptance letter today. Now all I need to do is take my English reading and writing placement test. I’m very nervous and waiting till I’m a little more clear headed thank you everyone for all the kind relies and support
Checking in day 24. I am a bit exasperated with myself for slacking off on checking in. I know for me if I dont keep checking in, I will lose control over my recovery. Its incredible for me to think that Ive misused drugs for around 20 years of my life. The fight to escape that is as real today as it was 24 days ago. I need to remember that
Welcome Romnan to the community and good on your for your day 1. This is an amazing community and checking in daily here on this thread will give you accountability. I would also suggest joining us on the 100 day SOBER challenge! – You can use this for your binge eating
@MegaMeg glad to see that you jumped straight back into sobriety. Do you know what caulsed the replase and what you plan to do if this situation arises again? @EarnIt Welcome back Jene. I can totally understand the feeling of being uncertain of sobriety. We all have our own journeys and have to have the will to live a sober life. This is not an easy road by any means but I do believe wholeheartedly that it will be a very fruitful one – filled with good health, a new sense of self, a love for life and living each day to the fullest. I am thrilled that you are back with us on this journey. @andrea4 congrats on your 10 months! @noshame That’s awesome – so happy for you! @catmama23 You are absolutely right – the timer reset does not work for everyone and in your case concentrating on that alone may be hindering your growth. You have done amazing to have had only two nights of drinking since 2/21. You have also made mounds of progress since then emotionally and spiritually. I do hope that you are able to have the tough conversation and get a sponsor that more fits your needs and get back on the anit depressant meds for a little while so that you can sort through all the stuff going on.
[quote=“Catmama23, post:124, topic:165215”]
So I’m throwing away the shame and focusing on progress, not perfection.
[/quote] That’s amazing right there!!! @Marc3 glad you made your way back to the check in – I agree that life can get busy but this check in especially at the beginning is super necessary to keep us on the right track. You are doing great – Day 24 … woot woot – how will you celebrate your 1st 30? @matt wow – good on you for hushing up them gremlins. Way to show up for yourself and work this ODAAT @bomdhil Great job on day 5 Thomas – Glad that the retreat was helpful. I am sorry that the temptations are nipping at you. Can you go to a meeting? Try doing an online zoom meeting? Do something to keep yourself distracted? Remember – the urges don’t last long – you are stronger than your addiction my friend – YOU CAN OVERCOME
WOW - checking in Thursday afternoon — It’s been a day
161 weed and alcohol free
576 days cigarette free
I am still struggling with a lot but trying to stay positive. The heat really did not help me any today (just caused everything to itch, hurt more) - turned on the ac and now i’m freezing – AAHHHH just can’t get comfortable in or out of my body. I am exhausted and decided to take a break and catch up some here to rest my legs. About to go make dinner Enjoying a refreshing la croix and not thinking about my DOC’s. Sending much love to all of you
. It’s been a while, got my acceptance letter today. Now all I need to do is take my English reading and writing placement test. I’m very nervous and waiting till I’m a little more clear headed thank you everyone for all the kind relies and support
Enjoying a refreshing la croix and not thinking about my DOC’s. Sending much love to all of you