The last few days of holiday were a little stressful. My wife labelled me obsessive regarding my walking the dog and my exercise.
I walk Willow for about 2 hours per day. Two separate walks. I think she likes routine and that’s good and healthy. It’s what I do every day but my wife is in work and doesn’t see it.
While we were on holiday I ran for about 75 minutes on 3 of the 8 days.
She says ‘but you’ve admitted that your inability to do nothing is obsessive’.
She’s right about that in the context of being at home, struggling to sit still, but the running and walking is the one place I find peace and manage to relax.
I don’t think she sees the difference between the agitated state of being when I can’t relax doing nothing at home and the state when I’m doing healthy exercise.
So I’m a bit fed up that sober me who is gearing up for an ultra marathon next weekend is labelled obsessed about everything. I haven’t done a run longer than 10 miles in prep for that marathon. There’s no cranky diets or anything like that. So I’m a bit fed up.
I know I’m not perfect and the PTSD stuff isn’t easy but I’m irritated that the healthy stuff I do has been criticised.
By all means criticise my paranoia and illogical fear and distrust of people, my inability to be around people. My irrational mood swings. But bloody hell, don’t criticise the only part of me that’s healthy.
Ok, I’ve said my bit. I’m sober. Onward and upward.
I can certainly see how this was very hurtful to you. And in my opinion unwarranted. This is something healthy that you do it gives you a good sense of peace, well-being, physical health and good mental health.
If she’s not an exerciser she’s not going to get it.
And you are in training for a marathon.
And your dog likes it. I’m glad you came here and vented about it. I would hate to see it be a big argument in your house. But just keep doing what you’re doing it’s good for you.
Goodmoening everyone!! Slept well, maybe not long enough. Searchinf for my place. Happy to be sober this morning. I think today I am actually in day 3. Im here for this, no matter what I have to do. If you told me standing on my head while singing twinkle twinkle little star at the top of my lungs in the middle of the street would get me sober…id do it in a heart beat! I know its a bit slower then that but Im here for it. Thank yoh for being here for me too.
Checking in on day 267.
Saw the new Indiana Jones movie last night. Had a great time! This one did feel like a modern take on the older movies but still pretty awesome.
Had a wonderfull time with my misses too.
I’m gratefull for all of this.
Day 1,115 clean and sober today. I tried taking the one medication that gave me those severe nightmares and guess what… they gave me severe nightmares PLUS I woke up choking on fluid WTF. I am not going to take them anymore, I will just go back to the old meds that kinda worked ok, fuck this shit. Anyway, I hope everyone had an amazing day today, love you guys!
Morning Check In Day 504
Goood morning TS fam! Im feeling slightly off this morning. To be honest ive been feeling off for awhile. Im on my way to work when i honestly dont feel like being there. Things have been off with me for maybe a week or so. My anxiety seems to be back (not as bad but i think my new med has to be increased). My healthy way of living (eating and exercise) hasnt been good. I just havent cared enough lately to put the energy into it. Recovery wise i am okay which is the main thing. But still… im not liking how i have been living day to day.
Yesterday i made myself a daily schedule sort of to help me get out of this funk. I also have a dr appt tmrw about my new meds so im going to ask to increase them. I absolutely need to get back to creating that strong foundation for my day. Which means back to more prayer, incorporating meditation, more TS, more gratitude lists, getting back to living a healthy lifestyle etc. My energy needs to be on things that help me and not my worries, fears, and anxiety. How i think influences how i feel. And how i feel influences how i behave. So i have to start with my thoughts.
Thats about it for me right now. Hope everyone enjoys their day
Morning all. Just another day at work for me… unfortunately this day at work including me getting assaulted by patient. Normally I would just continue my day but I can’t bend my thumb really well or hold things normally after the altercation so i filed a police report and I’m currently getting checked out. I totally don’t feel like dealing with workman’s comp if this is anything significant but the doctor thinks I might have injured a tendon. Unfortunately most of the money I make to pay my bills is done with extra shifts (cant use pto) so ill lose money on this for sure. I’m mostly stressed about how the next month is going to look financially and how I’m going to pay for the nice summer experiences I want to buy/am currently financing for my family if I even miss a few shifts. Overall I know I’m going to be fine and it’s just another lesson in acceptance of this situation and i shouldn’t get ahead of myself. I think the best part about this is that I really don’t have any hatred in my heart for the individual nor do I have any satisfaction. Although I cannot honestly say I wish him well so maybe im not that zen. that’s something I’m going to have to meditate on. Im just so frustrated right now.
At least im not injured AND drunk right? Lol. Ahhh, i always have sobriety going for me
Good morning @Butterflymoonwoman i love your insight here! I hope you can find a better balance with a med tweek and returning to your morning rituals.
Day 39, what’s up lovely people. Happy Sunday and hope you all are having a good day. One of the guys here at the house is new and on orientation and wanted to attend a meeting so I brought him this morning. I can’t lie I don’t really feel the meetings when I’m there, I listen and I’m present and I don’t have anything against them at all. But I’ll try another with him tomorrow. Finishing my Minnie mouse tattoo today so that will be fun. Probably going to go hit the gym before group today at 1. I’m feeling pretty proud and excited, no negative emotions going on. Just ready to keep tackling sobriety. When I was at the meeting I did think to myself it’s nice that I still haven’t drank in over a year or done cocaine, but still when I slipped I, slipped so I’m not gonna cookie cut it and count days separately, yes its been 13 months since I’ve drank or used coke, but still I used a drug so it needed to be started over to keep myselr accountable. I think anyways idk I’m just trying to do things right. Much love
well done on your 750 days. It is a lot of work trying to work on the bottled-up feelings (especially doing it with a clear head and an open heart that feels all the feelings of opening up old wounds). You are safe – I do hope you are doing this discovery with support around you. In no way do any of us have to be “tough and unemotional” – this thinking is what causes us to falter in the first place. We are humans and have a right to feel whatever our emotions deem necessary for that particular moment. Sending you hugs and love my friend.
@completely sweet job on day 22-23 now and yes, hope that the 2nd half the year is more fruitful and better in every sense. @jesile glad that Moka seems to be acting normal again – I do hope it was just a fluke. @thewolf wow – so awesome to read this and happy that you are able to enjoy your surroundings and dip out when you feel the need to. @mesober sorry the day was so tough but you’ve made yourself a bit stronger by staying sober and facing it head on… well done my friend and here’s to more sober days ahead @newsoberhuman666 SO Impressed with your achievement – yeah to day 3-now going on 4… Grateful that you were able to delete the dealer’s number! Sounds like a lovely day all around – here’s to more of these to come. It’ may have been a bit chaotic (yelling at the tv with family) but at least you were with family and sober! @mewmcmew WOW Crystal so very happy for you – I can feel the positivity just flowing off of your post! Keep up the amazing work!!! @wasabi79 Well done on your 1st 1000 days defeated. Thanks for sharing and stay strong my friend! @crystalclear Great job on your 1388 days Cristel – thank you for sharing your journey and so glad that you were able to enjoy a trip with your youngest – what beautiful memories made! @chsoen2001 well done on your 30 days! Very impressive indeed. The first 30 were the toughest for me. Keep the days rolling in. @amy30 oh man I’m so sorry – that sounds like an intense dream. Grateful that you are awake and sober and clean! Much love my friend – I do hope your day is smooth and breezy without the residual effects from the dream
Indeed those sound like healthy “obsessions” to me. I would call them dedicated commitment to your and your dog’s health! I have a difficult time sitting still too. I often meditate during those times and am surprised how quickly time passes when I do.
