223 
in hospital for last 10 days wating for PEJ surgery after that will be a raging type 3 c diabetic
They tried NJ tube feed but kinked the first day so had to have it removed and couldnāt cope with it tbh
Binge watching DVDs on this portable dvd player
Happy sober Monday everyone
still In some pain but a lot better, was just about to post a check in
going to write these all down and answer each question tonight. i have been tracking my pain the last few days I will definitely add water and food to that as well . thank you
tonight will be day 489 of no self harm.
thank you all for your responses yesterday. a little but after making that post I realized I forgot my medication for the last 2 days so that was a big reason behind how bad I was feeling. i took my meds last night and this morning. Iām better mentally, still in a lot of pain physically but I think a lot of that is because of the bad memories around this time. Iām going to take @Alisa amazing advice and write down all my pain and track food and water intake as well. thatāll give me 27 days of data to show my doctor. gonna try to be posting more often
Congratulations 
Great job! 
You are welcome, I am glad you are receptive to the info. You should have trust and confidence in your health care provider(s) whether they are Dr., Nurse, Nurse Practitioner or Physicianās Assistant. At the same time, it is also good to have confidence in your own self and in what is going on with your own body to the extent that you can. Glad you realized you had not taken your meds. Big hugs. I am proud of you and so glad that you have stuck w the site and the help, support and community that are here for you. To your better health! ODAAT. @SadMemeQueen
So this weekend was a huge milestone for me to cross but also a hurdle that I mentally had to get past. Yesterday (on my 5 month sobriety), my wife and daughter wanted to go out into town and eat dinner and watch the fireworks. So, of course we did and they wanted to eat at a seafood bar & grill. I knew I would have to face it someday but anxiety started kicking in and the struggle started to get to me. But I focused on my techniques Iāve learned over the past 5 months and we had a blast eating/dancing/laughing and having a good time without a single urge to drink or craving. I didnāt think about it at all and it helped that my daughter (13) kept wanting to dance with me. Later on in the evening, it crossed my mind how easy it was and how hard mentally I was making it. I felt so happy for myself and relieved at the same time. Thank you all for being here and Iām always here to listen if anyone ever just needs to talk.
#IAmStrongerThanTheStruggle
#OneDayAtATime
Congrats on the sober outting. See we can have fun sober!! 
Your post made me so happy!
I do too and it gets easier with practice. I find that folks in AA are so genuine and honest and vulnerable that itās easier to open myself up to them. And then I pat myself on the back for stepping outside my comfort zone 
keep fighting, I too see you working so hard for your sobriety 
@Happydays Way to go on your 60 days! Best of luck in getting back to work and hope that you are fully healed.
@Mira_D thanks Mira ā Vit D did not help like I wanted to but I realized what I did wrong (my body is not up to digesting root veggies just yet so it got bogged down)
@karenkw Sending you so many virtual hugs my friend. This is not you failing ā this is a disease and I do hope that you are able to keep doing what you are doing and finally heal from this disease. I do think it would be good for you to get out of your comfort zone and meet like people ā ooh the facebook group sounds like a great start. Possibly also increase your therapy to more than once a week if possible? As always, we are here for you! Sending you comfort.
@butterflymoonwoman I love being a good tired after a productive day ā hope that means you can get a great nightās sleep. Hoping for amazing results from your increased dosage! Were you able to discuss how it makes you feel drowsy? I wouldnāt want you to skip these when you have you all nighter during the week. Sending you love my friend 
@bones_80 my goodness friend. I do hope that things get better for you and that you are getting the best care at the hospital. Thank goodness that you have your dvd player for distractions.
@sadmemequeen Iām sorry the pain is still present. Glad you remembered to take your meds are doing somewhat better now. Hoping that you are able to find good safe coping mechanisms to get through the reminders of past trauma. I do think that regular check ins would be beneficial for you. We are here for you my friend!
@jonb A huge congrats on your 5 months! Way to use your tools and way to ace getting through you triggers. Sounds like you had an amazing evening ā so happy for you!
Checking in on Monday evening
194 days alcohol and weed free
609 days cigarette free
Itās been a bit of a up and down day again but i have managed to get some work done. Spent time on self-care and now itās 10:30 and my head is aching and iām going to do my best to sleep it off. Hoping to wake up early tomorrow so that i can take my mom out for a birthday breakfast with my cousins and brother.
Hope everyone has a wonderful sober evening / morning - sending much love 
Ah man - iām so sorry that your 1st session was just more paperwork - i do agree that this is a waste of your therapy time. I do hope that you are able to get into your sessions soon enough (is this weekly?) SO glad that the universe was on your side and you did not have any ticket(s) today.
How lovely when others are able to see your progress - especially when you donāt see it yourself. Way to go!!! Keep doing what you are doing and you will keep seeing results
I do hope that you are able to get to the cinema at some point tomorrow or do something just for you today (tomorrow for me) - i hope you wake up to the best Birthday ever!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY my friend 
(tried to send you a birthday dance - yup ā my moves could use some improving) 
You relapsed,
So you know what didnāt work, but you came back. Thatās important it means just cause you fell down you didnāt stay down, no one here will shame you for relapse, instead they will mentor you and help you and overcome the challenges
Kinda a sad few days here,
Yesterday I got the news a old roommate of mine passed away, on a lighter note it wasnāt drug related he didnāt OD, but he had some serious health issues that finally caught up to him, still he was awfully young.
A good dude who I said looked like Jim Brown the famous Cleveland Browns RB when he wore his Kufi, I remember we were talking about how happy he was that even though his kids were now adults he could be the father he should have been, and we had this thing he couldnāt drive cause of his health issues but he knew when I would get off work calling me like listen man I got me a sweet tooth, can you stop by 7-11 and grab me some Reeseās cups.
He always gave me shit, about being a Phillies fan, and his sister told me yesterday I should have showed up in my Phillies hat cause he would have gladly revived himself to say man you need to get rid of that hat you donāt live there anymore
I put together a tool list for my apprentice, and where to buy stuff without breaking the bank, itās easy when your a student or new to get on the tool truck and end up in massive debt. So I get prices from the web, places like Loweās and parts stores so keep it in like under 1k enough to get you going and you can upgrade over time. He tells me today he put his two weeks in, my heart kinda sank, heās like no dude I learned more from
You than anyone they paired me with, I just spent the weekend working with computers and realized I donāt see myself working in the auto industry, like I like it, but doing it everyday isnāt for me, so heās transferring majors to go to IT instead, he has my info and I told him if he needed anything Iād gladly help him out, Iām writing him a letter of recommendation sometime this week.
It gave me time to think, though. Being honest. I hate the auto industry. But I make alot of money in it, and apparently Iām good at what I do. Itās my purgatory
But at the end of the day, Iām still sober on this rainy ass 4th of July Eve
Thatās an important memory
Thanks for sharing
1487
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
Evening all! Checking in on day 683, just finished up work and finishing up a workout and eating some dinner. Wife and baby had an appointment today and everything is shaping up just fine! Hope everyone is doing well! Stay safe and take care.
Day 276
The dentist appointment yesterday was good, my tooth is okay it just needed a little less filling. I hope that helped.
All is cleaned now and nice and shiny 
I feel so much better now that all the tea- and coffee stains are gone. Makes me wanna smile more.
Lets see what this day brings. Yesterday was not good, but today is a new day.
I hope Iāll have energy for a workout today when Iām home
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
