Aww so grateful for you Jazzy and glad you were able to pass up the cigs because you don’t smoke anymore!!! 
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Way to go! Thats fantastic!
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Checking in
Day 475
This is my 2nd check in today. I just cant seem to shake this feeling. I prayed this morning and that helped. I finished work and was productive. But heading home, im stuck feeling really out of sorts. Not like in distress but something still isnt right. I almost feel emotionally “flat” even though i was experiencing alot of emoyions earlier today. I have had using thoughts today. A part of me is just sooo exhausted from feeling everything all the damn time. So i need to take care of that feeling. Thats probably where the cravings are coming from… from feeling like i need an “escape”. I will keep going back to my HP for guidance ans keep reaching out on here. I think i should restart my journalling also. I feel like im fighting myself. Not in the sense of the battle btwn myself and my addiction, but more so fighting myself in the sense of keeping myself in check. Recovery can be hard work! Some days its easy and im full of zest for life. Other days its just tough. Its like im constantly keeping myself in check with just having to watch my thoughts. Thoughts about addiction, thoughts about my eating and my health, thoughts about my worries n fears n trying to manage that, constantly grounding myself, being mindful, deep breathing etc etc. Its like im constant therapy with myself lol. Idk if anyone can relate to this. Im rambling yet again 
Writing this has been therapeutic for me tho. So thank u all for being here
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In my teens I played basketball and athletics for Liverpool. I found the pressure too much and stopped. My choice. I regret it in some ways now - I missed out on a tournament medal- but it wasn’t right for me. Ultimately you have to talk to and listen to your daughter to see what’s right for her. Find out if the stress and tears are too much. In 20 years you don’t want to be seen as the pushy mum or the mum who said ‘quit’ when the going got tough. Find the balance with considerate conversation. It’s not easy. 
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@EricOnt congrats on 90 days 
@Clarity thank you 🩵
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 not sure the patches are as helpful as they would be if I wasn’t sweating them off 
I’m glad the festival went well 
@Scorpn indeed they can FRO. Today has been ever so slightly better, sunshine always helps for me 
I’m sorry about your nerve pain, it’s the worst 
well done for not acting on those addict thoughts 
@SoberWalker oh my goodness, I hope you’re okay I’m glad you didn’t fall off the edge!
@Alycia I’m so pleased the meds are giving you some relief 🩵
1027 days no alcohol.
492 days no cocaine.
7 days no vape.
5 days no binge-eating.
An old friend reached out to me last night, and again today, and I’ve just got home from an impulsive catch-up. She’s came a long way from when I last saw her circa 2015. Proud of her. I thought it might be awkward but it really wasn’t. Before I left to drive over there, she said she would ‘need to go to the shop to get some drinks in’, so I said I’m sober, and she accepted it no questions asked, she said she doesn’t drink much anyway. We both had squash. It was pleasant, and I’m glad I didn’t let anxiety win, it tried to stop me, but I always try to be there for people who reach out, especially when I know its from a good place.
I’m struggling a bit right now, because my patch fell off this afternoon and I can’t find it anywhere. I don’t want to put a new one on til the morning else I’ll lose a day, so I’m just gonna stay strong. I have to declare that I reset my sugar counter, the ice cream van got me again! But I still haven’t given in to cravings to binge. I’ve been here quite a few times, but I’m really hoping this is the time it sticks.
I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends. 
🩵
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Proud of u friend for not giving into binge cravings and I hope u can stay strong without ur patch until tmrw. Im also glad ur visit with ur old friend went well and that she accepted ur sobriety with no questions asked 
Thats always a nice feeling when we dont have to explain ourselves
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@karenkw I’m so sorry that motherf’in depression just won’t leave you be. Loads of love my friend – I do hope that you are able to overcome these feelings.
@ladybuggy I am so sorry for your loss (I couldn’t even imagine) Glad that you have a good support system and do know we are all here for your virtual support too (yes – the anonymity makes it easier to speak freely and honestly). Wishing you the best and glad to see you checking in. BTW – to tag someone on a post just use @ symbol and their name – for instance for you @ladybuggy
@dryln785 glad to see you standing up for your sanity. Hope you are able to regain your peace and quiet once your house guest leaves
Girl you are cracking me up and Yes I totally agree…. Seems like you needed the sleep – I do hope that a good nights rest will help bring in a brighter tomorrow
@jennyH woot woot – day 21 tomorrow aka 3 weeks! I know that competitive sports do create a lot of anxiety and pressure. I’m glad your daughters team won today. Hopefully taking a pause from it will end up being a relief.
@butterflymoonwoman I can totally relate. You are 15 months into your recovery and in my mind still very fresh. It takes a good year just to clear your body of your DOC, get used to new routines, get to know yourself again or for the first time, and just start loving yourself. From here you can start to work on yourself even more thoroughly which is a whole new ball of wax. The constant battle with your feelings, urges, bad days, etc is super exhausting in itself (then we have to remember that we are adjults and have adult things to manage – home, work, kid(s), partners, ailing parents…) I’m glad that journaling helps – find your outs when these feelings hit. If the day is young – take your son to the park (maybe just hearing him laugh might help you too)… in any case, I do wish you support and hope these feelings get sorted out
@catmancam ah man – I didn’t even take into account the heat and the patches not sticking… that does suck! I am super happy to hear that you didn’t let anxiety win and were able to meet up with your friend and have a sober get together. I do hope that this outing lifted your mood some
Checking in Saturday evening
164 days weed and alcohol free
579 cigarette free
Its been a long day and my feet / legs hurt from all the running around today and from yesterday’s festival. I am trying to psyche myself into going to the pool for a quick dip and sit in the hot tub to try and relax my muscles so that I can get through tomorrow’s festival. All in all i’m good - I’m super ready for tomorrow and have no urges! Okay - here goes nothing - next stop the pool
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Yes! I feel this! 
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Coasting through this day 2… Obviously not feeling great, but not nearly as bad as I thought I would… Guess the 10 days I had prior made this quitting cycle a little easier… Still have the part of my brain, saying, “look how easy this is… Not like if you used today it would be harder to quit later…”, but that voice is fairly weak as of now… Even had 2 dealers solicit me and told them no and to not hmu about it… I know how quickly it can change from easy to hard, but so far so good… just checking in… thinking out loud…
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Glad you checked in here 
This community is amazing and we’ve got your back.
You should be proud you said no to the dealers, that’s huge
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Honestly, seemed easy… Unlike other times…
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@Butterflymoonwoman i too have had this feeling a lot lately that I’m constantly in therapy with myself 
but I think I have some catching up to do since I pushed aside or numbed my feelings for so so so many years. I’ve got to do a lot of investigating, soothing, rewiring on my brain. It’s a fixer upper for sure and I’m gonna need a bigger budget 
today in a meeting someone said our thoughts are clouds, but we are the sky…
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Hi sobriety fam,
My plan for today…
- Brush my teeth/take a cold shower
- Cook & eat a healthy brunch
- Meditate
- Bungee jumping/maybe beach after?
- Maybe jog & work-out (depending on time)
- Learn a little for my citizenship test coming up soon
- Sleep early (before midnight)
Sending you all much love and good vibes for today 
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They are very nice! Great choice
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Good evening all checking in on day 653. Had a great weekend and got to help a few friends out tonight. At the moment life is well! Hope everyone is doing good and stay safe.
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1457
Totally relaxed day yesterday. Met some old friends and made some new ones. Got some excellent food and a “grow my own maitake mushrooms package” which is now moisturizing in my kitchen cupboard. And saw a lot of pretty early summer stuff on my way here and there and everywhere. And had some small talk with strangers again. I could actually begin to think life can be pleasant 
.
I’m up early this morning, I’m going to take my road bike and visit my cousin in Hoorn, a nice old town a bit to the north. Promised to visit years ago, finally going to do it. It seems I’m making some progress on the social anxiety / avoidant PD front.
Drinking and using couldn’t be further from my mind. Never again. One day at a time. Life is work but it’s a work of love and we’re in it together. Have a great sober and clean one all! Pic is one of my new friends.
@HillbillyChris Always good to see you Chris. Glad things are going well.
@CATMANCAM Hope your evening and night were good despite not wearing the patch. Doing well friend.
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Yeah, that was me.
If I was giving advice to someone else, I say to focus on what is important to you, and look at how you am working on that, rather than how other people are doing.
Do you want a baby and a big house? I don’t want a PhD or a baseball playing son, really, I just envy their time management, or motivation. But I need / want some down time. So I accept it. Or try to.
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Day 1 plus 14 hours
It is so good to wake up and register I didn’t drink yesterday. I feel so clean. Will lie down for a meditation now and enjoy peace.
Checkin in for another 24 sober hours!
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