@karenkw I’m so sorry that motherf’in depression just won’t leave you be. Loads of love my friend – I do hope that you are able to overcome these feelings. @ladybuggy I am so sorry for your loss (I couldn’t even imagine) Glad that you have a good support system and do know we are all here for your virtual support too (yes – the anonymity makes it easier to speak freely and honestly). Wishing you the best and glad to see you checking in. BTW – to tag someone on a post just use @ symbol and their name – for instance for you @ladybuggy @dryln785 glad to see you standing up for your sanity. Hope you are able to regain your peace and quiet once your house guest leaves
Girl you are cracking me up and Yes I totally agree…. Seems like you needed the sleep – I do hope that a good nights rest will help bring in a brighter tomorrow @jennyH woot woot – day 21 tomorrow aka 3 weeks! I know that competitive sports do create a lot of anxiety and pressure. I’m glad your daughters team won today. Hopefully taking a pause from it will end up being a relief. @butterflymoonwoman I can totally relate. You are 15 months into your recovery and in my mind still very fresh. It takes a good year just to clear your body of your DOC, get used to new routines, get to know yourself again or for the first time, and just start loving yourself. From here you can start to work on yourself even more thoroughly which is a whole new ball of wax. The constant battle with your feelings, urges, bad days, etc is super exhausting in itself (then we have to remember that we are adjults and have adult things to manage – home, work, kid(s), partners, ailing parents…) I’m glad that journaling helps – find your outs when these feelings hit. If the day is young – take your son to the park (maybe just hearing him laugh might help you too)… in any case, I do wish you support and hope these feelings get sorted out @catmancam ah man – I didn’t even take into account the heat and the patches not sticking… that does suck! I am super happy to hear that you didn’t let anxiety win and were able to meet up with your friend and have a sober get together. I do hope that this outing lifted your mood some
Checking in Saturday evening
164 days weed and alcohol free
579 cigarette free
Its been a long day and my feet / legs hurt from all the running around today and from yesterday’s festival. I am trying to psyche myself into going to the pool for a quick dip and sit in the hot tub to try and relax my muscles so that I can get through tomorrow’s festival. All in all i’m good - I’m super ready for tomorrow and have no urges! Okay - here goes nothing - next stop the pool
Coasting through this day 2… Obviously not feeling great, but not nearly as bad as I thought I would… Guess the 10 days I had prior made this quitting cycle a little easier… Still have the part of my brain, saying, “look how easy this is… Not like if you used today it would be harder to quit later…”, but that voice is fairly weak as of now… Even had 2 dealers solicit me and told them no and to not hmu about it… I know how quickly it can change from easy to hard, but so far so good… just checking in… thinking out loud…
@Butterflymoonwoman i too have had this feeling a lot lately that I’m constantly in therapy with myself but I think I have some catching up to do since I pushed aside or numbed my feelings for so so so many years. I’ve got to do a lot of investigating, soothing, rewiring on my brain. It’s a fixer upper for sure and I’m gonna need a bigger budget today in a meeting someone said our thoughts are clouds, but we are the sky…
Good evening all checking in on day 653. Had a great weekend and got to help a few friends out tonight. At the moment life is well! Hope everyone is doing good and stay safe.
1457
Totally relaxed day yesterday. Met some old friends and made some new ones. Got some excellent food and a “grow my own maitake mushrooms package” which is now moisturizing in my kitchen cupboard. And saw a lot of pretty early summer stuff on my way here and there and everywhere. And had some small talk with strangers again. I could actually begin to think life can be pleasant .
I’m up early this morning, I’m going to take my road bike and visit my cousin in Hoorn, a nice old town a bit to the north. Promised to visit years ago, finally going to do it. It seems I’m making some progress on the social anxiety / avoidant PD front.
Drinking and using couldn’t be further from my mind. Never again. One day at a time. Life is work but it’s a work of love and we’re in it together. Have a great sober and clean one all! Pic is one of my new friends.
@HillbillyChris Always good to see you Chris. Glad things are going well. @CATMANCAM Hope your evening and night were good despite not wearing the patch. Doing well friend.
Yeah, that was me.
If I was giving advice to someone else, I say to focus on what is important to you, and look at how you am working on that, rather than how other people are doing.
Do you want a baby and a big house? I don’t want a PhD or a baseball playing son, really, I just envy their time management, or motivation. But I need / want some down time. So I accept it. Or try to.
The weather was great so we could be outside, so we did.
Today? Another high tea, but somewhere else, this time only with my daughter
It’s a total coincidence, but nevertheless a bit odd.
But, going to enjoy it anyway! I also have many weekends without such activaties.
Haven’t had cravings for a while now, that’s a good thing. Warm weather and terras time usualy gives me cravings.
Have a good sunday all
You know my preference to Pandas…
I am so happy that you showed up yesterday and happy for this long sleep. Your body needed it, obviously!
Maybe we can both show up a little again today. I will wear a light shirt (lovely oat color) today… My preference is black, but I feel like putting myself more into the light by adding light colors!
It really isn’t easy, hard to know what is best. Football has done wonders for her confidence and I have seen her blossom, but I obviously don’t want her to be so stressed she is in tears. She is at the age now when a lot of girls drop out of sports. I think this will be a delicate wait and see approach.
Have a lot of fun at the festival @JazzyS !! Hope the weather there with you is as nice as it is here!! @Juli1 enjoy the sober feeling! @CATMANCAM glad you went visiting your old friend. Hope this is a new start for seeing eachother more often. @CueBall8n9 I need that pool!
I hope you feel a bit better today @KarenKW We are all here for you! I hope the thinking of that feels you less alone.
but I think I have some catching up to do since I pushed aside or numbed my feelings for so so so many years. I’ve got to do a lot of investigating, soothing, rewiring on my brain. It’s a fixer upper for sure and I’m gonna need a bigger budget 
today in a meeting someone said our thoughts are clouds, but we are the sky…
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