Indeed, believe and trust is what I need. It’s growing but also still a lot of fear.
Doing the same thing over and over again and expect different results is also applicable here.
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Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement. I have no idea how to @ people but am so grateful. I do have support from my husband and am in therapy. A lot of my big problems happened with post partum depression and the loss of a younger sibling, so I have been working through stuff for about a year. Addiction was the final step for me. I do enjoy the anonymity of this forum though. I like my privacy so not many people in my life know my struggles. Maybe that has to change but, one day at a time. Day 14 
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Absolutely 
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Is this something we need to add to the TS acronyms list?! I’ve seen it twice since yesterday
(@Dazercat).
I’m sorry you are depressed @KarenKW. I hope it lifts soon. I have been there all too often myself, so I know how hard it is. Hugs!
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How lovely – nice and refreshing— makes me want to jump in and cool off – super hot here today too.
enjoy your clean pool
may want to save those hands 
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Hey! 
In the process of getting my houseguest to leave. He’s starting to pack up now. He gave me a guilt trip and some other noise, but for my own sanity and sobriety I need to be left alone.
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That’s a good step.
You have priority!
You also gave it to sobriety with this step.
Please stay clean with me this time.
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Day 1
Checking in, started my journal here.
Will c how this helps…
Trying to focus on surviving the different hours during evening or when coming back from activities. Trying to remind the bad physical and mental feeling that drinking is leaving. And make the right choice.
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Okay! Found something for you:
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Napping is tricky…either you wake up refreshed or you forget what year we have or where you are 
I slept until now Oh my…but it felt sooo good! I’ll cook something now, shower and go back to bed. I’m still feeling moody, not as bad as in the morning but not good either.
This too shall pass.
I forgot to remove the mascara I put on before going grocery shopping. I’m a panda now…
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Checking in on end of day 6
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Celebrating day 239
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Hello all, checking in on Day 20. Today has been quite a hard day. My daughter was in a football tournament and they are always so intense. She won so that is good, but she was disappointed in her performance (she is 11 and scored a goal!) and burst into tears. I think for the intense drama that tournaments create for her and me we may have to pause them for a bit.
I don’t know how to deal with emotions and the adrenaline and neither does she. I am watching her struggle and thinking that my go to would have been wine.
It feels like a lot are struggling here right now and I am so sorry for everyone. I am reading but not feeling qualified enough to reply. Wishing everyone a peaceful day/evening
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My biggest problem binge eating is going to a 24 hour diner after a night out dancing. But last night, for the first time in months I didn’t binge 
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Aww so grateful for you Jazzy and glad you were able to pass up the cigs because you don’t smoke anymore!!! 
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Way to go! Thats fantastic!
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Checking in
Day 475
This is my 2nd check in today. I just cant seem to shake this feeling. I prayed this morning and that helped. I finished work and was productive. But heading home, im stuck feeling really out of sorts. Not like in distress but something still isnt right. I almost feel emotionally “flat” even though i was experiencing alot of emoyions earlier today. I have had using thoughts today. A part of me is just sooo exhausted from feeling everything all the damn time. So i need to take care of that feeling. Thats probably where the cravings are coming from… from feeling like i need an “escape”. I will keep going back to my HP for guidance ans keep reaching out on here. I think i should restart my journalling also. I feel like im fighting myself. Not in the sense of the battle btwn myself and my addiction, but more so fighting myself in the sense of keeping myself in check. Recovery can be hard work! Some days its easy and im full of zest for life. Other days its just tough. Its like im constantly keeping myself in check with just having to watch my thoughts. Thoughts about addiction, thoughts about my eating and my health, thoughts about my worries n fears n trying to manage that, constantly grounding myself, being mindful, deep breathing etc etc. Its like im constant therapy with myself lol. Idk if anyone can relate to this. Im rambling yet again 
Writing this has been therapeutic for me tho. So thank u all for being here
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In my teens I played basketball and athletics for Liverpool. I found the pressure too much and stopped. My choice. I regret it in some ways now - I missed out on a tournament medal- but it wasn’t right for me. Ultimately you have to talk to and listen to your daughter to see what’s right for her. Find out if the stress and tears are too much. In 20 years you don’t want to be seen as the pushy mum or the mum who said ‘quit’ when the going got tough. Find the balance with considerate conversation. It’s not easy. 
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@EricOnt congrats on 90 days 
@Clarity thank you 🩵
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 not sure the patches are as helpful as they would be if I wasn’t sweating them off 
I’m glad the festival went well
@Scorpn indeed they can FRO. Today has been ever so slightly better, sunshine always helps for me 
I’m sorry about your nerve pain, it’s the worst 
well done for not acting on those addict thoughts 
@SoberWalker oh my goodness, I hope you’re okay I’m glad you didn’t fall off the edge!
@Alycia I’m so pleased the meds are giving you some relief 🩵
1027 days no alcohol.
492 days no cocaine.
7 days no vape.
5 days no binge-eating.
An old friend reached out to me last night, and again today, and I’ve just got home from an impulsive catch-up. She’s came a long way from when I last saw her circa 2015. Proud of her. I thought it might be awkward but it really wasn’t. Before I left to drive over there, she said she would ‘need to go to the shop to get some drinks in’, so I said I’m sober, and she accepted it no questions asked, she said she doesn’t drink much anyway. We both had squash. It was pleasant, and I’m glad I didn’t let anxiety win, it tried to stop me, but I always try to be there for people who reach out, especially when I know its from a good place.
I’m struggling a bit right now, because my patch fell off this afternoon and I can’t find it anywhere. I don’t want to put a new one on til the morning else I’ll lose a day, so I’m just gonna stay strong. I have to declare that I reset my sugar counter, the ice cream van got me again! But I still haven’t given in to cravings to binge. I’ve been here quite a few times, but I’m really hoping this is the time it sticks.
I hope you’re all having wonderful sober weekends. 
🩵
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Proud of u friend for not giving into binge cravings and I hope u can stay strong without ur patch until tmrw. Im also glad ur visit with ur old friend went well and that she accepted ur sobriety with no questions asked 
Thats always a nice feeling when we dont have to explain ourselves
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