Thank you a lot. I will apply again. 
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Day 144
I fucking did it! It’s 7.28 and I’m sat on my magical sea view balcony with coffee about to do my morning meditation. Watch out day, I’m up early and ready to seize the living fuck outta you!
Sorry, I’m pumping myself up because there’s loads to do and it’s soooo boring. I feel like a kid putting off homework at this point. But step one was completed. I’m up at a reasonable time.
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#Day 1722 
Busy day at work yesterday, I came home very tired. Went to bed at 19.00, hubby not at home so planned to read some Stephen King in bed.
Managed 5 minutes and decided to get some sleep. Slept for 10 houres!
Today? A walk and work. Tonight we are going to the cinema to watch the new Spiderman movie with my family.
This above is my Mango pit sprouting. It made me laugh because it looks a bit like a little man with arms and a …
Just my own dirty mind I guess
Have a great sober/clean wednesday all!
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Checking in sober was at a meeting last nite which I enjoyed time to get back to work only a 3day week hope everyone is well 
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9 days being clean from self-harm.
Ahh, sleepy mode is on. But I have studying and work, so this sleepy mode will wait later.
Anyways, I’m feeling better. I was with my boyfriend yesterday and I met his family. I was a lot worrying about it, because I’m used that people mostly dislike me, but it seems his family is a lot interested in me. It makes me a lot smile. He said he can’t wait when I will be at photos of his family. It’s so sweet.
I’m as well worried about my mother’s health, but she told me she will be okay, she just needs to be now alone with herself. I hope she will be okay. No matter how much we argue and can say to each other shits, I still worry about her when she’s not okay and I’m glad when she’s okay. Relationships with bordeline mothers can be a lot hard, but sometimes it’s fine.
And as well I’m drawing one of my concepts for future book. 
A lot inspirated right now, so I draw a lot.
I hope everyone are okay. 
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Checking in 434 days 
Still freezing my butt off here. Travelled into the city for work, was an okay day. Still feeling pretty good, no tears and dread. I’m happy the medication is working well.
Working from home tomorrow, going to cook for the family. I love that I can work at home and get dinner sorted and be there when the kids go to school, and pick them up if they like. It’s a good feeling, I missed doing those things. And I appreciate it a lot more now I’m sober.
Looking forward to sleep, I slept pretty rough last night, I think I was nervous about coming to work. But it wasn’t too bad. Big love to you all, stay clean friends 
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Day 24 today. I went to my meeting yesterday. County recovery education. I referred myself 4 weeks ago. The rest of the group are parolees and their participation is mandatory. Hearing their stories cause me mixed emotions. I am grateful that my addiction did not put me in jail. Only the prison I created by drinking daily and to excess. These young people have complicated their lives and now are struggling to be purposeful in society.
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Day 10 today. Yay double digits. I somehow don’t feel happy. I’ve been there so often and always started again after some time… I feel sad that I can not drink like a normal person
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What is normal? Congratulations on 10 days. Here in our community you are as normal as us all. We are glad you are here. Think of you as healthier and also saving a bit of money by not drinking. Stay positive and know you are better to be sober.
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Hello friends 
I’m happy to report that I’m 90% back to normal, no itching, just a bit of a tender spot still. I now have a bug bite prevention and treatment kit to keep on hands! Our health care system locally is merging two entities so we have to switch clinics and primary care providers (PCP aka GP) so I’m on another list for an appointment (disappointing but not a surprise) but when it happens I’ll bring up my reactions to the PCP.
I had plenty of down time during this period and contemplated some of my emotions lately. I have had moments of anxiety and overwhelm with all that needs to be done, but I want to work more on reframing this energy toward excitement and forward focused action. It goes back to thinking “I get to do this” versus “I have to do this.” I get to reduce my load of stuff that I don’t need and I get to move into our new house with a fresh start and organize our life and make a house a home. Between the two of us we will get it done, we aren’t in a huge time crunch but we are excited to get there permanently. I get to look forward to my family coming to visit during this transition and getting some help to settle in and wrap up cleaning our rental house. All exciting things, and we will plug away at these details one thing at a time, one day at a time! And I get to be sober moving into a new home for the first time. I am grateful I had some time to contemplate this reframing and I think it will be very helpful.
Thanks for folks who messaged concerns and suggestions recently. I appreciate all of you! Stay strong, amigx!
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Zahlen, Daten, Fakten - Alkohol.
I am sorry you feel this way. Missing out on something? Look at the statistics.in Germany. What are normal drinkers?
Congratulations on your 10 days 
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Day 14. Good morning everyone, im trying to make sure I check in everyday now. I’m doing well, today is my last day of dinner cook in the house and im looking forward to that. I had a good one on on with my counselor yesterday, just kind of talked about school, tried getting my immunization records which is being difficult. She would like me to go back to mental health counseling and it’s not that I’m refusing, but honestly I’ve been to two different mental health counselors and neither did anything different then what my substance abuse counselors do. Idk every time I talked to my mental health counselor the interaction really wasn’t different, I mean one time thebi told the guy I was feeling well today was having a really good day, and he was like well if you’re having a good day then I guess their isnt much to talk about today. Idk that’s just a petty thing im complaining about but to me I figured we still would of talked about something not just end the session. Idk maybe I’m setting expectations on it and I shouldn’t be. Who knows I just kind of feel comfortable with the counselors I have. Idk I miss my girls like crazy, I wish I wouldn’t have this overwhelming exhaustion of being confused I’m having such a hard time finding what my heart wants right now. Much love everyone not really sure what else to talk about
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Hey Mike, glad you’re going to be checking in more often. Just a thought, take it or leave it, but what if you thought about some emotional/mental health stuff you’ve been noticing in yourself in general, maybe some patterns? And even if you’re having a good day you can bring some topics to discuss with the MH counselor. And I think there can be overlap in substance use and mental health issues, it’s hard to separate things out, but I’d take whatever help they offer you at this point. Just my thoughts. Glad to see you back on track.
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Hi everyone…checking in on day 31 
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Checking in day 25 sober.
Not sure what’s different this time but it’s somehow easier a lot of the time. I have a good friends 40th birthday tonight and I already know I’m not drinking and that’s because I don’t want to. I don’t want to feel tired the next day,
I want to hit the gym and then go to work feeling great and ready for the challenge. I have never not wanted to drink at a nice dinner as an adult. I have NOT drunk at many nice dinners but it required effort and I felt I was missing out.
I don’t know why this has changed, it’s confusing me a bit. The best way I can describe it is that the effort of being sober is going down pretty fast and the amount of headspace dedicated to alcohol or avoiding alcohol is now very low. I’ve worked hard at breaking a lot of bad habits for the past 18 months and I finally feel I may be winning. Kinda feel elated.
Have great days all and thank you for sharing your stories with me
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,088. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Happt Wednesday! Hope everyone has an awesome day.
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Day 900,
Should be time to celebrate. But the days go on and off. Yesterday my son visited so had a good day. Today mwa again. My mother is here with me. Feel like repeating myself. Know that accepting is contra of resistance which keeps me in this circle. Friday I start writing on step 4 at my sponsor’s place. Mixed feelings about that. I wrote my resentment list down, it’s long………900 days seems like long, but it feels like just a few weeks ago now. Feel I digged a pretty deep hole for myself, next month going on holiday with my son and his mother. I stay at a different location close by theirs. Last year it went fine like that, this year I hope I manage, was on Ritalin at the time which gave lots of energy but right after the holidays it pushed me into my trauma’s. And here I am now dealing or reliving all of that, my whole active use feels like trauma. Sometimes I have the thought of moving in with them, but that’s just my dependent ass. We separated 13 years ago, she just left after I was sick at my parents place and she experienced the peace without me. Can’t blame her, although I have some resentment she did nothing at the time to try open my eyes. Not that it would have worked. Took me another 10-12 years to realize I was the problem. Missed a lot of my son growing up, but grateful that I have a great bound with him. Remuneration is my middle name at the moment 
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Hi sorry my response is so delayed.
I’m feeling a little dissociation the past 2 weeks so just taking each day slowly and being gentle with myself.
Doing more reading than writing here.
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