@scorpn coming up on 8 months is huge!!! You should be so proud of yourself. I can totally understand that the urges are stronger on some days and nonexistent on others – You are doing an amazing job in navigating through them. I am so happy that you have someone IRL to discuss your accomplishments and struggles with – someone that is proud of you! We are all so very proud of you @nastya_is_fighting So sweet of you to take care of your mom while she is ill. I am sorry that you did not get into the schools you applied for – Don’t give up on this (apply again) and please do not let the assh**es in your current school make you feel like shit. Keep up your positive spirit and continue with your progress @wakikki I can totally understand not wanting your file to state that you are an alcoholic. I am sorry that you don’t have a safe place to get treated without the fear of child services getting involved (especially since you have been sober for so long). I do think that all of this could be adding to your anxiety! @rob11 So happy that you are visiting with you son today and that he is able to brighten your mood instantly. You are working the steps and aware that progress does not happen overnight – most times it is so miniscule that you don’t realize you’ve changed until you are asked a question and realize you don’t feel “that” way anymore (very strange how our minds work). Keep checking in here and doing what you are doing – positive chance will come
Well put my friend – aren’t we all! @bomdhil – you are rocking the days – day 5 already!!! I am so sorry you are not feeling well – sending healing vibes – hope you recover soon. @mewmcmew Crystal you are not a bad parent for wanting your son to enjoy activities outside – actually the opposite. I don’t think we spent any time indoors when we were kids and not the kids don’t go out at all because of the electronics. I see them get together to play on phones/ tv etc and not even look at eachother…Times have changed. I wish you the best of luck in setting your electronic boundaries this summer @noshame – glad to see you back with us friend @CATMANCAM Thank you - I hope so too – making more dietary changes now to see if i can see any progress before my consultation (that is weeks out). WOW - seems like you had a very good session today and covered a lot! I do love that you are feeling better and more importantly that you are feeling supported. Have a wonderful rest of your day my friend – good things in your future!
Checking in on Tuesday morning / afternoon now
It was a rough night and morning but i am still standing strong and addiction free! I took my car in to get new tires (it’s been on my to do list for 2 months)… I did it today and walked back the 45 minutes (this was pleasant at the beginning and not so great near the end but I survived). Saw a few new free libraries put up – not sure if everyone has these where they live but now so many in our town and neighborhoods… love the concept (take one - leave one — so many great books)… Happy Sober Tuesday everyone!
The day was good My coworkers and I have been pretty stressed and 2 were in such a bad mood oh boy
Somehow we were able to turn the page and had a lot of fun in the last hour.
We vibe really good together, I love those girls! Even the boss did laugh And she often has no humor at all.
I went home on my most favorite route near river Rhine what’s always like a meditation for me, just while walking and not sitting in silence.
I had a long shower and now I’m waiting for my food to arrive. I’m too lazy today to cook.
Checking In Day 478
Today has been a really good day so far. Got my son on the bus for school and did my morning recovery routine. Just what I needed to start this day off right! I was reading the JFT for NA and it reminded me of when I used to do the Step 10 daily inventory. I used to use an app for that in early recovery. Its a very useful tool. Havent done Step 10 in quite some time, but Im thinking its a good time to restart. So i downloaded the app again.
I went for a nice workout afterwards and then went to run a couple errands. Just got home and my plans for the afternoon are to work on some fondant cupcake toppers. They can be made in advance bcuz they have to dry to hold their shape so i can take my time and start them now.
Other than that, all is well in my world today (tmrw who knows lol).
Have a great day/evening everyone!
Thanks so much for your reply @Soberbilly I am back from work and about to go for a walk but definitely want to look into this later. I have definitely tried to control the past and future before. I am getting better but would love to learn strategies.
@CATMANCAM It is interesting that you mention CFS/ME as I also have that. One of the reasons things got so bad with the self medicating was the false energy it gave me. Your therapy sounds really interesting. I am glad you are feeling positive about it. I often wonder how much of the CFS/ME is repressed feelings etc. as so many people on my clinic course for recovery seemed to have a need for therapy too or trauma in their past.
@RosaCanDo hope you’re on the mend with your insect bite, and that your move is going well.
@JazzyS love those little libraries, nothing like a good book to take a break from life for a bit. I hope you get the advice you need with your test results, and that the news has a silver lining in it somewhere.
Its my 30 days and I celebrated with a short bike ride in a lovely, massive park just a 5 min drive from my house that I never knew was there before. This meant getting the bikes out of the shed, ordering and refitting new tyres a few days ago, badgering my other half into committing to a date - all things that i just would not have had the energy to do if I was recovering from yet another weekend drug binge. I cant remember the last time we did something fun together on a week day after work, and hes promised me we’re on for next Tuesday again. This is the life I want…I dont ever want to let booze and drugs steal moments like this away from me again. One day at a time. Thanks again to everyone who is a part of this amazing community - I need the support I get here. Every time I tried on my own, I failed. Much love to everyone
Day 23, well folks, will have to move out my flat and start again, the boss who said id be fine money and help wise to get better from my mentel health didnt work out, the director didnt approve so will be left with a pretty light paycheck, i hope the cou cil can find me and my cat housing, will ring around to get my bills paused until im on my feet, feel sad 5 years service and good deeds has come to this, but feel its all for a good reason
@JazzyS thank you! After our little argument he changed his attitude. We went to the park and played some Pokémon Go for a bit. Then we checked out the ducks and and their babies! A big blue heron was flying around and landed pretty close to us in the water. I love those! They have huge nests around here and they remind me of pterodactyls in trees lol. The park we went to has 2 of those library boxes. I see them all over the city. There are also ones for non perishable food items!
So happy to hear that your little guy changed his tude and that you were able to get out and have some fun together!
I do love blue herons as well and now will always think of pterodactyls when seeing them.
I have not seen these here yet but how cool is that!!!
Aaaah, this is hard. You are absolutely not a bad parent, just battling 21st century problems. It is so hard isn’t it? How old is he? I have no advice really but just wanted you to know I feel for you.
Edit: just spotted your update, really pleased. I know how relieved you can feel when you turn a day around.
Huge congrats on 30 days of sobriety Marc! And what a great way to celebrate too. Makes me really happy to see so much progress in such a short time. Thanks for sharing and here’s to many more good things coming your way!
I’ve become determined to become a morning person. This morning I was up at 7.30. Then fell into an afternoon nap (I blame my dog for sleeping so cute next to me, and I blame my work for being so boring). Now I’m going to bed at reasonable time and setting my alarm for 7.
If I can quit drinking, I can become an early riser!
Fell off the wagon again yesterday. I’m starting to really lose trust in myself. The loneliness and sadness was just unbearable yesterday. Today I’ve felt so sick and was unable to work. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist later this month. I “broke up” with my sponsor and will be asking someone this Thursday if they’d be willing to be my new one. I started reading the big book as well just on my own. I don’t think I can go more than one day without a meeting. I felt so much stronger during my first 60 days than I do now. I’m worried I have this curse of not being able to commit to anything. I’m really scared. What will my life be if I can’t lick this. Well I know - tragedy, loneliness, sickness, death.
My coworkers and I have been pretty stressed and 2 were in such a bad mood oh boy 
And she often has no humor at all.
Checking In
