Should be time to celebrate. But the days go on and off. Yesterday my son visited so had a good day. Today mwa again. My mother is here with me. Feel like repeating myself. Know that accepting is contra of resistance which keeps me in this circle. Friday I start writing on step 4 at my sponsor’s place. Mixed feelings about that. I wrote my resentment list down, it’s long………900 days seems like long, but it feels like just a few weeks ago now. Feel I digged a pretty deep hole for myself, next month going on holiday with my son and his mother. I stay at a different location close by theirs. Last year it went fine like that, this year I hope I manage, was on Ritalin at the time which gave lots of energy but right after the holidays it pushed me into my trauma’s. And here I am now dealing or reliving all of that, my whole active use feels like trauma. Sometimes I have the thought of moving in with them, but that’s just my dependent ass. We separated 13 years ago, she just left after I was sick at my parents place and she experienced the peace without me. Can’t blame her, although I have some resentment she did nothing at the time to try open my eyes. Not that it would have worked. Took me another 10-12 years to realize I was the problem. Missed a lot of my son growing up, but grateful that I have a great bound with him. Remuneration is my middle name at the moment
Hi sorry my response is so delayed.
I’m feeling a little dissociation the past 2 weeks so just taking each day slowly and being gentle with myself.
Doing more reading than writing here.
Check in Day 17. Therapist gave me advice. Find 3 things that give you JOY and do not open the door to conversations that will affect your peace. Seems simple enough. I’m a recovering people pleaser so these are hard … what give you joy? Haven’t thought of that in a while. Sending love and light
Congrats on the double digits. Do not focus on how many times you have come to this point – this is a mind bogging exercise – rather find your support and new routines and focus only on this time – this time you are at 10 days and then will be a two weeks soon and then 30 days and so on …just going ODAAT.
Love – none of us can drink moderately or just socially one in a blue moon (hell I’d become the most social person in the world if I told myself I could only drink in social settings )… This is not something to be sad about or to consider ourselves not normal. Here – in this community we are all working on abstaining from our DOC – not just for a bit till we can get “better” but for good cause we are so much better without it.
Keep up the amazing work and reach out if you feel an urge - hoe you are also equipped with support irl. Loads of love and sending you strength - you are stronger than this addiction and will overcome.
Checking in alcohol free. Thank you @Kelwooo@Misokatsu@RosaCanDo@JazzyS@Juli1@SoberWalker for the words of kindness, encouragement and support. I want to be relieved of this obsession! It’s like when people say “don’t think of a pink elephant” and then all you can do is think of a pink elephant. I won’t give up hope, even though each time I fall it seems to happen faster and harder. One day at a time. That’s all I have, and that’s all I can change.
Day 24, whilst financial pressures ive managed to resign from work, a huge relief, can look for temp work when well and start again everything happens for a reason, hope you are all healthy and getting by
Wow. These words came just at the right time. I am struggling the whole afternoon already with bad cravings. It’s horrible. Tomorrow is a public holiday here. So of course this comes up in my mind. Sunny. Warm weather. Perfect time for some sundowners. Oh my God. I’m cooking. Drinking ice cold sparkling water with lemon. Trying to eat sweets. But these these fucking thoughts don’t go away. Man!!! Did my meeting in the morning. Taking one minute at a time and it’s getting fucking worse
I am so sorry that the urges are so damn strong. You are absolutely doing everything right. Possibly try a another meeting? Take time to just scroll around here for a while - that is always so helpful to me.
Holiday’s and free time do make things harder - try to fill your day with activities that will keep you busy and are not related to drinking (go to a museum - see a movie - go for a walk…etc).
Just remember that giving into your DOC will never provide you with any happiness or relief. Your mind will try to convince you of otherwise buy you are so much stronger my friend… Feel free to reach out anytime!!!
Thank you so so so much. Writing it down here and writing to a fellow AA lady from my meetings already lifted the urge for a bit. It’s crazy how my mind is playing tricks on me. I wish I could change my brain and reset it to never having known alcohol… Like m children who have never touched it and thus don’t miss it…I know it takes time.
Much better already having talked to you. Thank you thank you!!!
@Marc3 Thank you! I have a consultation with a specialist in mid July. Until then I have decided to do more positive thinking, clean up my diet even more (will be doing a 90% raw) and just fight the fatigue to bring my active self so this is the silver lining imo – whatever the outcome I will be ready. I am so excited that you were able to do your bike ride for your 30 day celebration and that this may become a weekly thing – YEAH YOU! @kelwooo so sorry to hear about the move – I do hope things work themselves out. Sending luck that the council can find you and your cat some lovely housing @thewolf Congrats on day 30!!! Whooo hooo @amy30 Congrats on getting up early today and starting the day so positively – I do hope you can find to liven up your work so that it’s not so boring @K_smile WOW – 4 months is awesome – way to go!!! @sabrina I absolutely hate bullies – I do hope Nik has a great first day of work today. @soberwalker love the Stephen King – what are you reading now? Very cool – so you sprout and plant your own avocados and mangos? Have you done both before? I’m in awe!!! PS – we might have the same dirty mind @nastya_is_fighting You are very talented. Glad your visit with your bf family went well. @brian1965uk what’s going on with the mind clutter? Can you write it out to bring focus to the clutter? Glad you are doing so sober and staying this way!
@powerfulmikealamica Glad to see you active here daily. I haven’t had much interaction with counselors but do agree that you could’ve talked about a number of things rather than ending the session. I do agree with @rosacando that at this moment you should take all the help available to you – this could be the HP reaching out to provide guidance as you are struggling. In the end you know what feels right and works best for you – we are all here whenever you need. @james83 awesome on 25 days of sobriety and glad that this time is somewhat effortless. Don’t think about it too much – I think sometimes things just align perfectly in the universe, in our bodies and our mind that allow us to continue on our paths without a struggle… this might be what’s happening for you. Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy the benefits of sobriety. @Rob11 Should be so thrilled for 900 days – I can’t imagine it feeling like just a few weeks have passes. You have come so far since day 1. I am sorry that you are reliving the traumas but do hope that with your sponsor and working the steps you will be able to make peace with yourself and those around you. I do hope that you have a marvelous holiday next month. @Twizzlers Everything okay my friend – here if you need to talk about it. Glad to hear that you are taking things slowly and being gentle with yourself. @bomdhil Amazing work Thomas – day 6 – you will be one-week DOC free tomorrow. SO very happy for you my friend and I too have much love for you. @sunshine-girl You are so very welcome my friend! So very happy to read that you are already doing better. Just remember you are not alone and yes just the simple act of writing it out and hitting send sometimes is all that is necessary to release the urge
Checking in DOC free on hump day! it is a beautiful afternoon and although i feel like shit and hurt all over I feel at peace and my heart is light. I’m sorta floating inside - what a cool sensation! I could get used to this I am only going to be moving upward and onward - have a wonderful Wednesday my friends - sending much love
Mainly due to the fact that I have been a dry drunk for a while after getting sober. Step 1, was the first time I thought f*ck this is what recovery is about…Admitting I am powerless against it was a real eyeopener.
… what give you joy? Haven’t thought of that in a while. Sending love and light 
)… This is not something to be sad about or to consider ourselves not normal. Here – in this community we are all working on abstaining from our DOC – not just for a bit till we can get “better” but for good cause we are so much better without it.
I won’t give up hope, even though each time I fall it seems to happen faster and harder. One day at a time. That’s all I have, and that’s all I can change. 
I am only going to be moving upward and onward - have a wonderful Wednesday my friends - sending much love