Checking in on day 176. Last day of our vacation, 10 days seem to be wait too short 
. I am kind of anxious to see what happened to our aquarium at home ā¦ my brother (who is the caretaker for our vacation time) called me yesterday, seems plenty of prawns died without any reasons, so thatāll be my job for this evening. Looking forward to picking up our 2 feline kids from their āhotelā 
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Have a wonderful and sober day, and take care! 
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2 days being clean from self-harm.
3 days being with less amount of sugar.
Morning check in.
Again so hot hereā¦ Dying ngl. 
Already asking angels and Mr. Universe for cold storm which will stop this hot weather. 
Otherwise Iām fine. Canāt wait for this program which I told you abour yesterday! 
In school we as well donāt do so much, so I taked with myself sketchbook to draw something. I will show later if I will draw anything.
I hope everyone are okay and slept fine. Have a nice day! 
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Day 275
Today Iād be lying if I said I didnt want to drink.
For the first time since Iāve stopped Iāve barely felt this, The grief of losing a friend is becomg more real
Id usually pick up and mask my feelings or break and cry so Iām sitting in this for now, holding myself up for my wife.
We are flying her best friend in too because tbh I think she really needs it. Im not overly worried about the money.
I know I got this 100% shits just hard right now, Just for today I wont pick up, ODAAT.
Much Love.
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Day 219
Up early, been out walking Willow and thatās the pattern for the day. 
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Checking in sober
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Morning,
Checking in on day 457, a busy work day today and also looking after 3 little dogs. 
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Day 38 struggling with moods but just anxiety with finding a new role, realising i can change my life etcā¦ but for the best!
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Hey all, checking in on day 1,102. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 28ā¦boy am I sore from leg day lol, plus Iāve been going to a different gym and itās a bit of a bike ride, but the atmosphere is really pretty nice I like it. @JazzyS thanks for checking, interview went well, they had a nice small gym, some cool little common areas with like washing machines, pool table, ping pong table, they showed me a room and it really wasnāt to bad, floor look nice with a nice carpet, nice bed, a fridge and microwave, and a small desk, small shower and bathroom you have to share with someone which I kinda was meh about. But other than that it really wasnāt bad, seemed kinda quiet compared to the horror stories Iāve heard, but that was just a quick walk through. I think if I stick to myself I can make it work, they seemed interested in accepting me, they did say they were not going to pretend this is a perfect place to pretend they did say there is drug activity around if youāre looking for itā¦I was supposed to have testing done In July for accommodations in school. Well they called and asked if I can come in today so thatās exciting. Shoulder day at the gym l, much love
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Afternoon check in.
Writting this in that time because I have plans for evening (therapy and hang out with my boyfriend).
Anyways, holy shit, I swear, I hate my school so much, why they do it to me these horrible conditions? (who readed my topic, that knows)
Teachers are being dramatic about me who didnāt get into school and one of them told me this: āDo you even care about this? Why you didnāt get accepted? Because others were accepted!ā. Woman, how am I supposed to know why I wasnāt accepted? Does she even know about that czech system fucking sucks and a lot of people werenāt accepted? And why she does debate about it with me IN FRONT OF MY CLASS? Like, woman, I need some personal space?? I especially disliked how she said āyou want to be in art school but you donāt do anything about it.ā It makes me so mad right now! For what I for MONTHS hardly worked? To hear THIS?
At Tuesday next week my class is having some party and because of that teacher I now know there will be some teacher which will say to whole PUBLIC where who get into. This makes me as well a lot mad, because it seems to me like they all want to grow some ego. Also again, where is personal space? My boyfriend told me that the school thing where we all go is mainly private thingā¦
Now I think of to just not going to that party. I even now feel I will be just for them a stupid human who failed and they will all laugh at me. Just because I wasnāt accepted in school.
Tired a lot from this shit and itās just half of week. So I decided to fuck on school. I really donāt want to be in some place where Iām bullied. I donāt care about my absence or grades anymore.
I just want to feel peace from this shit called school.
So thatās it. I will go tommorow to library where I will be all day. I think library is way more better place to study than school.
Otherwise Iām somehow surviving. Hot weather is as well making me feel tired, but it seems it will be rain. Canāt wait honestly.
I hope everyone are okay.
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45 days. Still going strong.
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Day 263
Today Iām completely over the place 
I think itās the weather and the fact that any day my period starts. Both combined is almost too much for my body. Iām tired, bloated and shakey.
Iām heading home now but I wonāt have time to relax or do anything nice, I have an online training from 6-9pm 
No time for nothing today, that makes me angry and Iām stressed bc Iām mostly not home at 6pm, Iāll be late. Grrrr 
Going to order food and just make the best out of that situation.
Not more to say today.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
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15 days AF. Been exhausted with all the āLauren 2.0ā activities happening now on top of work - meetings and sponsor meetings, therapy, exercise, physical therapy, and psychiatrist appointment (just one for now, tomorrow). 
I am VERY VERY grateful to have access to help and a schedule that permits me to do these things, but Iām getting very tired and overwhelmed. I have a lot less energy as a baseline anyway since I stopped drinking. I canāt wait to get relief from the depression. I know if I wasnāt staying busy and focusing on recovery I would probably drink again.
The weather is dreary and I need to be on alert this week for more depression and impulsivity due to hormonal fluctuations. << danger 
>>
Keep doing the next right thing 
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@mno glad you made it home safely from your bike ride and in time to not get soaked ā I agree that it can be too much to exercise when temps are that high
@nastya_is_fighting I am so sorry that your class and the damn teachers are so rude / mean. This is so triggering and please know that what they are saying is totally false! I am glad you are not going to attend the party. Please do concentrate on yourself and your wellbeing.
@2jtravnz I am so sorry that the addict is so alive in you today. I do hope that you are able to dig deep in your chest of tools and fight off these urges. You are going through a lot emotionally and this is the time to remember that alcohol has not place in comforting or consoling you. You are stronger and healthier without it. Sending you strength my friend. Be well
@kelwooo this is definitely a struggle early on as you are re-discovering yourself. Stay strong my friend and enjoy the journey of self-discovery
@powerfulmileelamica So glad to hear that the interview went well. I know its not ideal but it does seem to have a few good points. The main concern is the environment but with school and your time at the gym you could be successful in keeping your head down and just work on yourself. You youāre yourself the best. Something to help you till you get more grounded? I do hope all went well on the school front. Man ā you are 2 days from your 30!!! Woot woot indeed !
@sabrina80 UGH! I Hate it when the body is not feeling well and the weather is miserable ā a recipe for a crappy mood. Sorry that you will not have much me time today ā hope the training goes well and you are able to relax some afterwards.
@catmama23 listen to your body and rest. In the early stages the exhaustion can creep up on you and allow the addict brain to gain a bit more power. You are doing great my friend and yes ā smart to be on alert especially if the hormonal fluctuations are also at play. Stay strong!
Checking in on Hump day ā
182 days (aka 6 months) alcohol and weed free
597 days cigarette free
A lovely start to the day with a bit of movement. I am slowly getting my emotional strength back and donāt feel so exhausted mentally. The physical will still take a bit of time to catch up but iām sure it will catch up. I am enjoying the slow pace these days and taking things ODAAT! Hope you are all staying strong and enjoying your sober / addiction free Wednesday! Sending much love 
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Well just got back from the mood and memory testing. I tested pretty low in the percentile, I donāt even really remember what he said, it was 14 perentile for one thing and 8 percentile for something else. He said I definitely have a learning disability which kind of discouraged me from wanting to pursue school, but he said they will right accommodations to school for me. Definitely canāt let it get me down need stay up and positive. Much love
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I would not want to do the memory test! 
Donāt let it define or change anything for your future. You are doing really great, Mike. Follow through with your goals.
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@JazzyS oh most definitely, im still another day sober so thats good, new day today ill get through this and out the other side all good
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Omg Iām SO overwhelmed at work. Today is CRAP. Endless emails and new projects in my queue. Iāve started this new thing where when the stress gets to be too much I bang my hands on my head really hard and it hurts and now I have a headache. I really want to scream and throw things but our walls are paper thin. I hate my job so much and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed.
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My friend, please work on healthier ways of dealing with the stress at work (or anywhere)! Thatās not OK! Also may start thinking about a different career path when your current one makes you so unhappy? 
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