Are you trapped in your job? I know it’s not so easy as just leaving but it sounds like you should move on for your own health. 
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My goodness this job is really taking everything from you and it’s so not cool to cause yourself harm in trying to deal with stress. My head got a jolt just envisioning this technique. So many hugs your way… 
I do know how stressed you have been at this job for months now - any progress in your job hunt? I wish you the best in being able to leave this toxic environment.
Take care of yourself - hope that headache goes away soon 
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Day 18 sober
Day 0 no vape
No cravings for weed or alcohol but I slipped on the vape
I put he vape away and trying again
I didn’t like the taste I didn’t like the feeling… I’m just going to keep trying
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409 AF, checking in.
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I definitely feel trapped… I’ve been trying to find a new job for like 8 months and am coming up empty for a variety of reasons… I also need the money and insurance. I’ve been trying to focus on the good parts of it (like working from home and being able to do some daily recovery activities) but it is so freaking stressful and I don’t enjoy the work at all. @Mno i do feel like I need a new career but have no idea where to start and can’t imagine taking that on right now… but… I have hope for the future 
@JazzyS i know it’s so bad and it hurts, but somehow doing it relieves my stress. It’s like an intense release. It’s a habit I’ve picked up recently (not often though). I’m finally seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow… couldn’t come soon enough 
Thanks all for being there 
it helps knowing that
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Hey Cat! I had a crazy job that I quit when I got sober. Not saying you should do that, but if you need someone to listen and talk thru things, I’m happy to be there. I believe you have my number, but if not, I can DM you.
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Maybe you need to sit down with some kind of advisor who can see you skill set and recognise your potential?
I don’t know your financial situation so it’d be unfair to just say ‘resign’. We don’t have the worry of needing medical insurance over here either.
But definitely start looking for something else. Hang in there.
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Checking in day 18
How’s everybody doing
18 days and feeling good was a bit quiet on here yesterday just felt absolutely exhausted but feeling good today.
I signed up to a abseil for the children’s health Foundation charity in Ireland for August the 25th I will be climbing to the top of croke park stadium and will be abseiling down onto the Hogan stand absolutely bricking it as iam not great with heights but looking forward to it
Have a good evening everyone
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I had a lovely morning with the horses, they always brighten my day. I believe it’s in the works that one of the other people who boards her horses at the same ranch wants me to take one of hers as she doesn’t have time for him. He’s a delightful little Arab, young, quite opposite to my big older draft, so I’m hopeful that’ll transpire. He loves interacting with people as does Harry. On the where-to-live front, my wife & I have agreed to buy a second home in Taos so I don’t have to do Airbnb’s anymore. It’s a bit unorthodox as we’ll likely spend a lot of time apart, but I don’t necessarily think that’s a bad thing, wink wink 
. Anyway, I’ve had zero cravings so far & feel content with all the big happenings in my life.
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Firstly, although I know you have had long streaks of sobriety your recent relapse may have affected the score. Secondly, your tester was right, they will make accommodations and as an adult you can get advice on how to structure your study to suit you. My son has low working memory (and ADHD as I have mentioned). To get him to remember things he has to do bite sized study regularly. But he can remember stuff. And he has 14 year old level vision for the future (i.e. none). You have goals and vision for who you want to be to motivate you. You can do it. 
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449 days sober happy dance
Feeing good, got some exercise in, I’m doing great at work, things are really good with the fam. I’m very grateful 
Wishing you all a good day
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Love your attitude. Do not let this be defeat – it’s perfect to find out now and get the assistance and accommodations needed to pursue your education goals. I really can see you helping so many others so do not give up on your dream.
@noshame it’s odaat – you have the desire to no longer vape and you will make that happen. Hold onto the feeling that it tasted nasty and gave you a bad feeling when the urge should arise. Wishing you the best of luck
@catmama23 glad you are seeing a psychiatrist tomorrow. Would air punching with all your might be something that you might want to try? Stress balls (I’ve had to go through a few of them as I’ve shredded them with squeezing too hard)… anything is better than taking it our on yourself – the energy you are releasing is being released right back into you. You need to release it into something else so that it does leave you (preferably without causing more pain in the process)
@dolse71 33 months — nice angle number my friend!
Checking in on Wednesday evening
It was a good day with little pain and the fatigue was manageable. I did go for a swim with my brother and parents which was real nice – took a lot to get my mom to go (she doesn’t know how to swim and is afraid of the water so this was huge). She had a blast and wants to go at 6 am tomorrow - we’ve created a monster 
The water was not too rough on my skin and being able to move freely with the fluidity of water felt so relaxing. I hope everyone had a wonderful day! Sending much love 
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Strained my lower back yesterday morning while attempting to bend over to pick something up. Been locked up since and in pain.
Positive note today is 134 days sober.
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day 276
Actually came to work today so I didnt end up at a liqour store, i know alcohol is going to be around most of the weekend, ill be ok its only when im on my own that ill hide and drink. Once im home tonight ill be ok. Counting the hours.
Im going to get through this one way only without drinking!
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Checking in
Day 493
Another busy day. Once my son got off to school i went to visit my mom at her hotel. We went for icecream later on and walked around. It was nice. There was one thing tho that snuck up on me, which i wasnt expecting. My mom needed to stop at a liquor store to purchase a bottle for a gift that she was giving to someone from her conference later tonight. I have never really had an issue with alcohol so didnt think that going inside would be an issue. But sure enough my mind even started thinking things. Thankfully i know that alcohol is also a drug and no different than any other substance. Im grateful for that rational part of my brain that can sort thru all the bs of my addictive thinking. We left and enjoyed the afternoon together. Its been alot of fun having my mom around. She left early as her confrence registration begins tonight. And im just relaxing with hubby now. Hope everyone is having an enjoyable day/evening!
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Day 26…
The odd craving here and there but determined not to go back.
I had a dream last night that I had a beer and then regretted it majorly.
Last night I even tipped out my non alcoholic wine because I didn’t want unnecessary calories and had water instead.
Definitely happy with the decision to stop. Dry July is nearly here and by the end of it, I’ll be 2 months sober 
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Nicely done…possibly think of joining in on the 100 day SOBER challenge!
Doing really good my friend-- happy for your sober time!
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Hello sober warriors. Checking in on day 740. It was a beautiful summer day. Rode my bike to work and back. I made some delicious veggie fajitas for dinner. Leaving tomorrow for a family reunion on my wife’s side. Always a bit stressful, but I will be taking you all along with me in my pocket. Much love.
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Day 
No sugar / sweets 
Day 3
Allowed slips /per week used 1/3 
So as talked previously I am all into detox lately. Now it’s sugar time. Eliminating the artificial one completely. Fruits, honey does not count as a slip. Got this bag of Stevia and Erythritol / not using it a lot anyway. Research says it is actually have a lot of health benefits.
Got one slip already / at work people gifted us ice cream, because we helped them. I accepted gift. So situations like this, or when a relative bakes a pie or something, cheat day, rest day or overall a bad craving - 3 of those / per week is allowed. Of course it does not mean I got to use it them all / or at all.
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