I can and I do 
Itās just my hormonal cycle that right before the bleeding starts, puts me in a dark place. But itās manageable 
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I totally feel that -
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Thanks Menno, I appreciate your kind words! 
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Thank you Jasmine, yes I will definitely be checking regularly, I used to do so in the past, and that used to help me a lot! Thank you for your kind words!
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I didnāt see it that way yet but yes, it is 
The answer I got from him was extremely detailed, veeery long and sadly, one big red flag for me.
Guys that get flirty first, then vanish for a week and then telling me that they never were looking for something romantic or seriousā¦yeahā¦nope.
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Day 32. I booked a appointment for a tattoo I gotta do today a couple weeks ago and Iām just not feeling it. Ever since my slip I havenāt really felt like tattooing much at all, all the tattoos I have done felt kind of forced. Yes i was happy with them but idk I just donāt feel it anymore again. Which is probably my mind trying to tell me maybe it was triggering in not sure. Iāve been really thinking about selling my tattoo equipment again and Iām not sure if thatās a dumb or smart choice, Iāve also been thinking about selling my ipad that I do my art on. I donāt really use it anymore and I donāt wanna do art really. So Iām not sure if this is just me wanting money and being a goofball or what to do honestly. Iām gonna try to hit the gym and then do group much love everyone
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When I read your post it is me. So into something and then, pofff, the interest is gone. Like really gone. And why donāt sell it then? Didnāt you stop tattooing after your first relapse and then got back later? What I want to say, which happens often to me. As quickly as the interest vanished it can come back. So, unless you really need the money or the space, maybe keep it a year or so. And what concerns your iPad. Your drawings look fantastic and your seem to love it even when itās never been on skin. Itās wonderful hobby.
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19 days AF. Woke up and saw the weather forecast has worsened - now thereās a chance of a significant tornado this evening. All I can do it wait because Iām completely powerless. Itās awful. I zoomed into the meeting this morning because Iām too much of a mess to be around other people. We are as prepared as we can be but itās really driving home my total powerlessness and vulnerability. (For those who donāt know we were hit by a tornado in 2020 and now I have horrible anxiety about them. Iām not going to drink though.
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Oklahoma or north Texas? It scary, I know, but if you e got precautionary measures in place, thatās all you can do. Donāt let this worry steal away some joy of today.
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Checking in still sober
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Thank you for your support your so supportive here and I appreciate your kindness 
@PinkyP No I didnāt watch Glastonbury 
Using it as an opurtunity to declutter does sound good 
I have been sitting in the garden since 2pm yayyy, itās back to being able to relax out here Iām so pleased.
I think alot of it also had to do with me actually just being ok with the changes.
I meal prepped in the morning, and it has been such a lovely day.
I think Iām going to sit out here until all the evening lights turn on.
I think I need to visit the gratitude thread.
I am grateful everyday I just havenāt wrote it down and shared the gratitude.
Thank you @Catmama23 @CATMANCAM and to everyone for being here.
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Thank you and yes I did give it up and go back a couple times lol. Idk Iām just not feeling it, and itās not because of the relapse and because I wasnāt happy with the work. I loved all the tattoos I recently did, I think I just get way over whelmed doing it. Definitely thinking hard about it, but part of me just wants to get rid of it. My ipad Iām kinda wanting to sell bc I am almost out of my contacts and I need more so I can see lol. Itās not really taking up space or anything like that, but I havenāt even used it in the last like 32 days expect to print a couple things. Idk I gotta think hard about it for sure.
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I hope the weather doesnāt end up leaving such a disaster behind.
You are prepare as you can be, maybe try some meditations to keep away anxiety. (if thatās how itās making you feel)
Big hugs
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Checking in on Day 1,793 soberā¦Alcohol is a one way road to being a drunken loser on account of oneās own selfishness if they abuse it. There is nothing positive or rewarding about it reallyā¦
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Yes get to the gym, try not impulsively make this decision if your worried it could just be wanting money.
If this is part of your brain trying to get actions toward a relapse if you have gone past the craving stage ?
I find the gym or a swim always really helps me.
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YIKES - those are some serious red flags. You are smart to back away.
Just keep being the amazing beautiful person that you are and iām sure you will find what you are looking for
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Day 918,
Restless, putting things deleting things posts againā¦ā¦pffffff
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Thank you. Iām definitely sitting on it, but I donāt believe itās wanting money towards like cravings or anything like that. In Plattsburgh I donāt usually have to many cravings bc I donāt know anyone. Itās once I get back to my home town I act out sometimes. I think this naltrexone is really helping too. But I just would like some money for new clothes, my contacts so I can see lol I get the daily ones so they are expensive for three months worth. And it would just be nice to have some cash in my pocket, bc Iām broke literally always. Which isnāt a bad thing I get that, I have everything I need and Iām grateful for that. So yeah I will definitely sit and try not to act impulsively.
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Thatās really good that it isnāt for cravings.
Contacts are so expensive, I wear glasses. I want to try them out though. Just think once I try them I will not want to wear my glasses any more.
Thereās nothing wrong with thinking about all your options, and if they will have positive impacts for you
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WOW - Iām sorry that you are not feeling it right now and agree that you should not continue if something feels forced. I do know that this is something that you have enjoyed immensely in the past and are very talented at.
I agree with Franzi @anon74766472 - if you can afford to hold onto your equipment - then do so. You never know when your passion will return. That goes for the ipad too. That being said ā If the urge to purge is strong then do so (itās not like you canāt buy the things again down the road). Do make sure you save your art on a jump drive or email it to yourself so that all your work is not lost.
Hereās hoping that going to the gym helped today!
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