Day 138 AF. Beautiful day outside today. Very thankful for the weekend. Start my last week of employment at my current job tomorrow.
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Five days have passed without using any of my credit cards! Iām really happy about this accomplishment. Five days might not seem like much, but to me itās a lot. With the help, love and support of everyone here, I know I can do this!
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I cleaned house and buyed some food. As well buyed some stuff to aftercare shit I harmed to myself. After doing everything important I did for myself meal and watched funny videos. Right now Iām drinking tea and enjoying this quiet silence hereā¦ Itās beautiful.
I as well asked myself it was really good idea to leave everything for now behind my back in my home city and drive away and if I should come back for Tuesdayās school party, but you know what? My heart feels peace and is glad for being here. It doesnāt want to go to some stupid schoolās party, where everyone will look at me strangely because Iām āthat weirdā and as well Iām a lot bullied. I will just come back for documents for ending fully my school on Friday. Thatās all. Friday seems right now so far away, so I have a lot of time to be with myself and enjoy that peace.
I hope everyone are okay. If anything, Iām here for you all. 
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@Scorpn thank you so much 
š©µ and extra gratitude for saying something so kind to me whilst feeling really low yourself 
I am really hoping youāve had some sleep by now 
@Sissychris39 welcome 
congrats on 686 days 
@Jesile welcome back sorry youāve been struggling but itās good to read from you š©µ
@pm2562023 welcome congrats on day 1
@nastya_is_fighting Iām so glad for your retreat in the tiny house away from home, I hope itās a nice time for you, way better than the school party full of bullies š©µ
@Soberbilly congrats on 14 months
@JazzyS thank you š©µ I hope you managed to get out on the patio to soak up some Sun today 
@Catmama23 itās not surprising that youād be horribly anxious about them now I really hope it doesnāt happen again, sending strength š©µ
1049 days no alcohol.
514 days no cocaine.
29 days no vape.
3 days no binge-eating.
The urge to eat my feelings still hasnāt gone away. I am resisting but finding it very hard, even though the feelings are no longer being felt as they were yesterday. Telling myself it gets easier, because it usually does.
I have got most of the questionnaire form completed, except the two most long-winded parts, which will take a lot of energy and a lot of pen holding and writing, which is a struggle. Iāve decided to take a break on it for tonight, and go at it with fresh eyes tomorrow morning, and finish it off then, that way I can still post it tomorrow as planned, Tuesday at the latest, which would still give it a whole week to reach itās destination by the due date, surely thatās enough time.
Tomorrow is also the final part of the discussion based course for the in-the-making actual course about exploring creativity. I am not looking forward to the bus journey home, may even get a taxi instead if there are as many people waiting for the bus as there has been the last two times Iāve been, or just wait for the next bus.
Today has been quite peaceful, despite the stress of completing the form, Iāve taken breaks to sit outside on a bench in the sun, did my morning routine, lots of meditations, and one walk. My eyes are so blurry now.
I hope youāve all had wonderful sober weekends.
š©µ
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Another week done, putting my sober head on the pillow.
Someone please turn the heating down 
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Checking in sober.
I had a nice walk with a new acquaintance but got overheated which triggered a migraine. But at least I got out and am trying to make new friends. I just feel horrible right now. I really canāt do much outside during summer unless itās super early in the morning.
So just trying to get through the evening and really hoping I can sleep tonight.
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Checking inā¦
With head sober on pillow! Wouhu! 
Much love 
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I hope you are safe, thinking of you.
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Having a hard time today, trying to find somewhere to live in Taos is becoming very stressful due to wife & I not on same page, plus little inventory & crazy covenants on land, except one very nice parcel that has reasonable covenants. Weāre going to try to meet an architect tomorrow to see if we can build something affordable for a part time home & buy that parcel. Such a time crunch as weāre going back east Wednesday. I know drinking wonāt help any of that, but the desire to escape these feelings is strong, and I think understandable as thatās a well-worn neural pathway, ahem. But I can refrain, tomorrow is another day. I did have the opportunity to have a beer while waiting for food but I didnāt, so thereās that. Just writing about this is helping, thanks for listening 
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Checking in
Day 497
Gooood evening TS! Hope everyone is doing okay today.
The day was alright for me. Work was grueling though. Got home and ate supper and did up some laundry. Nothing much else. I was able to do some reading on here which was nice. Still have alot to catch up on though. Ive been feeling a lot better mentally since adding on that other new medication. Its dimmed down my anxiety quite a bit and has even lifted my mood. Im also not as irritable in the evenings either. So im plesantly impressed with it. May need to be increased a bit but its a good start.
Ya thats about it for me. Excited to be reaching 500 days in a few days. Its a personal milestone of mine 
Have a great day/evening everyone!
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Iām hanging in there. I have a potential opportunity but nothings solid at this point. Just trying to take it one day at a time and not obsess too much on it. Thank you for touching base @Cjp !
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@scorpn Were you able to get some sleep? Been thinking about you all day ā hope you are well both physically and mentally. I am hoping that your sh urges and thoughts went away if you got some rest. Much love my friend
@cueball8n9 wishing you the best in dealing with your last week at this job. Just read your update - glad you have feelers out and are taking your new opportunities as ODAAT. Wishing you the best of luck with your new adventures
@catmama23 how are you doing? Iām sorry that you have experienced a tornado and canāt imagine the trauma / anxiety caused by that experience. I do know that now you are more prepared now and I do hope that knowing youāve taken the necessary safety precautions helps ease your mind. Glad to hear that you will deal with this in a sober manner ā wishing you a wonderful and relaxed Sunday evening.
@Twizzlers Yeah to being able to enjoy your garden space with more sun! I do hope that you were able to sit out until lights came on as planned.
@sissychris39 It is a huge deal and a big congrats to you for making it 5 days! When we have overcome whatever it is that we are struggling with that in itself is a great deal and should not be minimized. You rock on and keep the credit cards frozen if you have to :wink
@nastya_is_fighting just my opinion but you do not owe those classmates anything and will not gain anything by seeing them. You should skip the Tuesday school party! Collect your papers on Friday and be done with this chapter in your life ā you deserve to be happy my friend ā Hereās to the next chapter in your life where you are loved and accepted for the wonderful person that you are.
@catmancam did go out for a bit but then it got hot and then we had severe storms and tornado warnings so Iāve been cozy indoors ā will enjoy the patio another day. Wishing you luck in completing your questionnaire tomorrow and getting it in the post by tomorrow.
@karenkw yeah to getting out and meeting new people ā sorry the heat triggered a migraine. I do hope you are feeling better now. Just hoping for some overcast or breezy days in the summer so you can get out and enjoy :wink (I wish for these often for myself too)
@hoss you are correct my friend ā drinking will most certainly not help the situation any. It really will not create an escape as your addict mind tries to tell you. So happy that you are staying the course and fighting for your sobriety. Wish you the best in figuring out your living situation in Taos.
@Butterflymoonwoman So thrilled to hear that your new meds are working for you. This is huge! Looking forward to celebrating your 500 days!
checking in on Sunday Evening
186 weed and alcohol free
601 cigarette free
I donāt know - it was a good day. I didnāt do much but at the same time did a lot for my mental and physical health. Only thought about my DOCās a few times but as a passing thought. Went to open the fridge to grab a la croix and my mind said grab beer ā i donāt even drink na beer these days because of the gluten so not sure what that voice was thinking. That la croix tasted delicious. I actually searched my car for cigs and had to stop myself and remind myself that i donāt smoke ā I feel decent today so not sure where these brain farts are coming from but glad that i did not act on them and am happily free of addictions for another day.
Sending you all much love
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Hey everyone. 2 months sober tomorrow and thankful for every single day 
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Checking in on day 744. Back from a family get together on my SOās side. A couple people there really putting back the beers. Let me say that there were some wistful feelings at times. But I am happy to be sober. I may not be a social superstar without alcohol, but the unshakable peace and equanimity is so much more life-affirming than cheap, forgettable conversations followed by toxic hangovers and regret. I am really grateful for sobriety. It is making me a better person.
Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend. 
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I did sleep finally for something like 12 hours 
And i think i could go back to sleep
I feel more stable now. Thank you for checking on me.
I like la croix too. Which flavors do you usually get?
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Oh so happy to hear that love - i do hope you get back to sleep and get some more shut eye!
I was only drinking black razzberry and berry but now venturing out and loving limoncello, grapefruit, orange ā¦
also started trying other brands that have blackberry and blackcherryā¦ so many choices i am excited to try them all
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Check in, so you know I didnāt forget about you guys,
3 years sober as of June 20th, I canāt believe I
Did it this far,
Funny is I craved alcohol for a bit there, not for the feeling but for the taste, but Iām sure the feeling craving would have followed, but a bad situation actually reminded me that I donāt like alcohol
I went on a date last night, girl whoās been talking to me
On Facebook for a few months now, never met but weād chat daily, she lives in the Eastern Shore of MD so, a bit of a drive so it never really happened, but I said yeah sure Iād come up we can hang out, it turned into the worst first date of my life.
She picked the location and I told her Iād pick her up, she knows Iām an alcoholic in recovery, takes me to
This club she picked out, and we head in, the first thing out of her mouth was boy itās awfully dark in here, referencing the fact that most of the patrons were black, it was a turn off from that point on, like Iām sorry should we have went to a klan rally instead? Then proceeds to tell me how she moved out here so her kid
Wouldnāt have to go to interracial schools and such, orders drinks, starts telling me how good it is and how I should try one, like ummm we already discussed why and that I donāt drink. No surprises. Iām like yeah we need to go. I told her I had to work today so I had to be home at a decent hour, all the way back sheās trying to jump over my console to kiss me, and grab at me while Iām driving telling me I should go get a hotel and spend the night with her, she knocked my car out of gear and i stopped in the middle of the road and told her get out, unless your gonna sit there like a grown ass women get the fuck out, the rest of the ride was telling me where I should pull over for some fun, I kept driving and told her you know one of my roommates is black, and I dated a black woman for a bit in my 20s and she just kinda shut up, I dropped her off, and before I could block her she messages me I guess you donāt want to see me
Again?
No
So I learned racist women are a super turn off,
I also smelled the alcohol on her as she would keep trying to kiss me and such and it turned my stomach,
She was loud obnoxious and ignorant, and the odor of booze just eww
I guess I was going for the hat trick?
Either way I think Iām done with the dating scene for
A bit
My job is insane, it keeps me on my feet, they thought it would be a great idea, to do away with appointments, you need service or repairs done, push pull or drag it in the service lane weāll take it, good is thereās plenty to do too much to do, I get one job done I got 5 more waiting. But the idea is, cause alot of people
Would prefer dealership service, but donāt want to wait a week, or two weeks, so they call around to get it done quicker, somewhere else the joys of instant gratification
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Happy 3 year soberversary Chris!!! Damn thats awesome.
Im so sorry your date went so badly. Some people just suck! Glad you found out now and didnt invest amy more time. Maybe this was a blessing that reminded you how much better you are without alcohol- always search for that silver lining.
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Day 30!! 
Work has been stressful AS Fffffffffff but I havenāt touched a drop.
I sort of had a craving today because I ate too much biltong and hadnāt eaten any since before the stopping alcohol.
Thank goodness for non alcoholic gin, it hit the spot - cold and bubbly.
Other than work, I feel soo goooood 
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