Thanks 
Really that’s what I am doing right now
I am writing today’s goals so may be by the end of the day I could achieve them 
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Just over being married, over feeling like I don’t belong or matter in my own life. Hearing my aunt is feeling the same way made it worse…
The best way to put it is this…
For so long, my spirit has felt like a light bulb that’s flickering because it’s burning out. I’ve had zero fight left and many nights while crying myself to sleep, I just prayed so hard to die. But that flicker is what saved me. One spark of hope… The filament that saved my soul.
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Oh Frances - I am so sorry that you are struggling so hard in your marriage. No way is it ok to be feeling this way on a daily basis or crying yourself to sleep or heaven forbid praying for death. You are doing great in getting sober for yourself.
Have you talked with your husband about this? Are you able to seek counseling (if that is something you would think could help). If not together - do you have a therapist to talk to alone?
Were you able to make it to your meeting today (keeping up with 90 in 90 goal)?
We are here for you my friend - keep that spark alive!
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Day 5 checking in, suffering with sleepless nights, still feeling positive though 
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Sadly I did not that’s why I’m on here right now. I have to make appointments to talk with my therapist as well as actually see my doctor so I can get back on track. Back on my meds maybe change them idk. I’m trying to bring that spark back into a fire it’s just not there yet. Maybe tomorrow I can get to an actual meeting.
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Here is great - so much support and love here and i do hope that the threads and community have been helping you get some of your spark back.
Good goals to set - appointment with therapist, appointment with doctor, in person aa meeting…
What do you do for fun? Are you able to work out or do something to get boost your Endorphins? Possibly meditate - love this post but great stuff on the mediation thread – ways to meditate
Keep chatting here or engage in some of the “Fun” threads to lift your spirits. Going to get the joy of life - that spark burning brighter for you!
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The site as a whole has definitely helped a little. Along with my work bestie who knows what it’s like. Little by little my fire will burn brighter. Tomorrow is a new day and my hopes is to get back to my NA meeting.
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Checking in sober (day 3).
Dealing with so much right now. Talked to a friend today. Opened up more than I usually do. But still guarded.
OFDAAT
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Congratulations! Keep coming back. And even if it’s one second at a time you got this. We are here to help you.
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Is it an accumulation of things causing you to feel this way?
Is it acclimatisation to your marriage and it’s dynamics now that you are sober?
When I was in my early days I began questioning my value in my relationships and the relationships themselves, probably because I had spent a lot of time numbing feelings with alcohol.
What I would suggest is you evaluate over time how you are feeling in your relationship whilst you remain sober.
At the end of the day when you have evaluated everything and allowed time for you to acclimatise to your new sober feelings in your marriage if you decide you will be happier single then be brave enough to make that decision, however I would suggest firstly that you are open with your husband and you discuss your feelings etc, he may not know how you are now feeling with your new found sobriety and you may be able to work through things together, communication is such an important part of marriage.
Ultimately you need to do what is best for you and what makes you happy, you can’t be going through life feeling that you don’t matter in your own life. You are unique, you are priceless and don’t ever let anyone make you feel otherwise and don’t let your own thoughts and feelings make you feel otherwise either.
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Day 600
2am check in, half way through a night shift.
Feeling good, taking the chance to have 5 minutes to myself and catch up with a few of the posts and threads in here.
Hope everyone has a good day and I send you all love and strength.
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@CATMANCAM thank you! I’m feeling pretty good though still feeling the affects of the anesthesia
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Congratulations on 600 whole days of freedom! Exrremely proud of you Richard! Hope ur overnight shift is going well 
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You lost a skirmish, but you can still win the war.
21 days is great. You’ll be at a month in no time.
But I agree with you. I cannot control or manage my lust. I can only choose to say “No” to that first look or thought. If I don’t give myself permission to look at the females on YouTube or IRL, then I’m not going to lust. What am I missing out by choosing not to look? Less attraction towards my wife? Reinforcing my toxic shame? More craving? Heating up my brain drawing me close to relapse? I don’t need to look at them to know they’re beautiful. Truth is that I can see them better if I don’t look at them; a whole lot better.
If I don’t look, I’m not going to lust.
And if I don’t lust, I’m not going to crave.
And if I don’t crave, I’m not going to cave
Game over. I win.
No, I don’t do this perfectly. But I’m getting better at it. I will win this war. I will be victorious. I will conquer.
That’s my secret. I stop the war with my eyes and mind before it gets a chance to start.
@Bomdhil , congrats on the 23 days. Excellent 
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Celebrating day 285
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Way to go on 3 days sober! Im sorry ur going thru so much right now. I hope u are able to find some peace and calm in ur day today 
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Thank you so much, my group said it’s a part of healing and letting go of my old life. It will cause anger and lots of uncomfortable feelings I’ve suppressed. But, I want this. I want to never not be in control again.
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Thank you Jazz much better as the day is ending. It really is one day at a time 
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Thank you, and congrats on your hard work. Keep it up!
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9.5 days without alcohol and marijuana
And it just hit 29 hours without a vape or cigg
Stay strong everyone
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