Little better headspace, had a nice visit from a fellow yesterday. Although it always involves talking about recovery. Discussed my current inactivity and how to break it. Tomorrow morning I’ll have my intake at the centre, just trying to keep an open mind. There is some resistance however.
My son is visiting Amsterdam by train, hope he makes it back The predicted weather with thunderstorms and hail might have an effect on traveling by train. I’ll be having diner at friends, which gives me some tension. But I’ll be fine.
@juli1 How are you Jules? Were you able to get those thoughts to go away? Hopefully you are swimming in a clean uncrowded pool @mx_elle 3 weeks now is amazing work. I do love the wave analogy – keep riding that wave. You are stronger than the urges. The longer you go without the easier it will be.
What??? That is so brilliantly awesome that I am without words! I hope you had a fantastic time. I knew I thought NM was the bomb but now I may be in love. Congrats on another AF day! @Geng you are so welcome love and thank you! I am glad that your enzymes are working and the hunger is coming back – it is wise to stay away from rich foods at the beginning and allow your tummy to adjust. The first week down – wishing for a more energized week ahead!
I do hope that the doctors are able to sort it out and get you feeling healthy again. Well done on your 630 days of AF. Sending you healing vibes. @catmancam Yeah to having such an amazing successful time at drumming. I know that it’s hard socializing for me on the first day of any new class – It seems it takes a day or two to get comfortable and I notice it’s the same for others. Give it time for others to let you in and in the mean time have a blast drumming! @brokenwolf It will make a difference my friend – we would love to hear from you. Congrats on your 569 days of sobriety. I do hope that you say what you want / need to say – we are listening.
Checking in on a glorious Sunday morning…
Woke up with another roughly 9 hours of sleep. I am again going to focus on just being active today and not letting anything negative touch me. We deserve to be happy and carefree but need to bring our own energy to the party. Saying goes " You get what you put in" or something like that … Wishing everyone a wonderful sober Sunday!!! Sending much love
First of all, you’re doing fantastic. 510 days! Wow!
But I see you’re point. You don’t feel free. And you are wise for recognizing it. Your conscious self is very aware of how unfulfilling your drug use and behavior were. It’s your subconscious that won’t accept it. Like me, your subconscious addicted self will never accept nor believe these new truths that you consciously learned and embraced. That’s the powerless part of addiction; the part we cannot control; the part where I need God’s help.
@Sunshine-girl, this word is for you too. And @zzz , I’ve already mentioned this to you.
Anyways, traditionally I’ve watched many suffer through cravings. Holding onto the slogan, “This too Shall Pass”, and it’s worked. Eventually, the cravings went away. And they got better. Almost treating cravings like a rite of passage; a normal thing to go through. And I learned over the decades, that I along with other sex and porn addicts had to try a different approach. And I believe this to be true with other addicts as well. When I crave, I’m already guilty of fantasizing about my DOC. I’m already spiking up the dopamine in my brain just by allowing myself to think about it. Once that happens, my subconscious addicted self emerges out and fills my brain with the old lies. And then I crave. And the more I crave, the more I crave. By the time I’ve picked up my DOC, it’s already been too late way before that moment. My subconscious is completely in control at that time because I heated up my brain with lust and fantasy. I realized that I was fighting my battle at the wrong front. Instead of fighting the battle with my behaviors, I should have been focusing on my thoughts. Even our legal system recognizes the dangers of thinking about a crime making premeditated offenses first degree and more serious. Thus, the old slogan, “This too Shall Pass,” had to be put back on the shelf. Instead, I had to accept that the craving didn’t stop until I stop the craving. I don’t give myself permission to crave because I don’t give myself permission to think about my DOC. That’s my secret, I say “No” to the first thought. And thus, there won’t be a second, or a third, or a fifth, or an eighth. Thank you, @Yoda-Stevie for this wise word because it led me to an easier path. Prayer helps a lot too. Accepting God’s help and continually acknowledging His presence and guidance in my life. Do I do this perfectly? No. But rest assured, I take every thought and look very seriously. Keeping track of the toxicity level in my brain, I’m winning significantly more battles than I’m losing in that area. And that’s why I’m going to win this war. And that’s why I feel free. I hope you can see what I’m talking about and know that freedom is possible for everyone here. Wishing you blessings on this great path towards real happiness, joy, and contentment.
You have SUCH an incredible way of wording things kevin. I can relate to this 1000%. It makes sense to me about the subconscious part of the brain and how juat waiting for a craving to pass doesnt work for me. Its like once i start to think about my DOC, the ceaving gets worse and then my mind gets flooded with lies and justifications. Of course i realize that these are lies so dont succumb to relapse but i still dont feel free 100% BCUZ of these thoughts.
I am going to start doing this and really mean it when i say NO. I like ur approach to this and i think it can really work for me.
Also prayer… yes this is crucial for me too. But i have to learn to pray right away when that using thought pops up. I notice that prayer isnt my first reaction normally and id like to change that.
I just want to really thank you for your wisdom Kevin. I can relate to your post and got alot from it youre the best!
There is a lot of value to this way of living. In AA, “take it easy” is a common one-liner, and I take it much more seriously now, or rather, I trying to not take problems and myself so damned serious all the time. I was a major catastrophizer
Checking in sober, I went to an in person meeting this morning at 10am and I will going to the Corny Virus meeting tonite at 6:30. I recently relapsed after doing very well. While I feel defeated I have a sense of determination, to do this program, that I have never really felt before. It has to be more than just going to meetings. Just showing up for me isn’t enough anymore. I got a brand new big book today (I gave my old one to someone who was interested in AA) and I have been reading it.
I almost relapsed on pills. The thought hasn’t entered my mind in a very long time, so having that thought was scary to me. It literally came out of nowhere. Luckily I told myself no, because it’ll be two years next month since I’ve stopped abusing them. I’m just so glad I didn’t give in.
Im finding that these urges pop up unexpectedly more so around big milestones. Well done to saying NO. Very proud of you and all the work you are putting in to better your quality of life.
Day 46. Well going over to finish that traditional piece. It’s been a good day, had a good group. Creative recovery today and it was what can’t I imagine my life without. Pretty fun, dooddled up a fun drawing with it.feeling grateful today much love everyone
Hello everyone. Im checking in to find focus again.
Its been o about a year since my last visit here.
Ive got a lot of reading and catching up to do on here.
Hope you are all keeping well
youre the best!
