WOW DANA - congrats on your 13 years! that is amazing. Grateful that you did quit when you did and have maintained strong!
Glad to hear that you listened to your body and got your rest. I do hope you have a fabulous Friday my friend.
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Haha i love that gif. Thank u friend! Hope ur day is faaaabulous!!!
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Have you done any journaling? I find it helps to put pen to paper and write out my thoughts. You might also do a pros and cons list. Why do you want to use, and what was itās purpose or benefit to you in the past? Then conversely, what has using cost you in your life? What damage has it done? Then in summary I wrote a list of all the reasons I wanted to be sober, what future I wanted for myself that drinking was keeping me from having, and so on. I keep my pros and cons list handy and have read it over and over in the past. Itās a useful exercise, maybe give it a try.
Hang in there. You are strong and even stronger than you may believe at times when you feel weak. You can do this, you want to do this. Remember that.
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How are you doing now? I see u posted this an hour ago. Have the cravings subsided?
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It sounds like the urges are pretty strong. Remember tho ur reasons for quitting in the first place. U had good reasons to want to change ur life for the better, what were those reasons?
Our minds will lie to us. Thats what addiction does. We have to remember that they are just thatā¦ LIES. Drugs and alcohol serve no purpose and truly add no value to our lives. I guarentee that u will feel sooooo much worse if u go thru with calling them. U deserve better 
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Also i dont think ur being a child. Addiction is hard work but sooo worth it. In early recovery i had that voice come at me ALOT. But it does get easier as long as u stay clean. U gotta break that cycle and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know u can get thru this craving
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Thank you. Iāve come to accept that in time things may get better but his wife wanting to stir the pot and control the narrative wonāt work for me. Thatās why sheās blocked again! Lol.
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Im glad that ur going to be okay but stillā¦ its awful to feel the way ur feeling. Have u ever attended any meetings? Online or in person? Lonliness is such an awful feeling. Meetings have done wonders for curing that feeling for me. Coffees after the meetings especially were always nice
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Ur not an imposter. Honestlyā¦ i dont think that about u at all. We all struggle to fight off our demons. And those lies, excuses, and justifications pop up for all of us at some point in our recoveries. Just bcuz u have these thoughts and cravings, doesnt make u an imposter. Its part of having an addiction. I do hope u stay here. U definitly belong here please keep reaching out if u continue to struggle. We are all here to help.
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U are worthy of kindness and support. Im sorry if i made u feel uncomfortable tho.
For the longest time i couldnt past 3 days. I was definitly a chronic relapser and I can relate to that feeling of failure. But we arent failures. Just keep trying friend. Stay close to this forum, even if ur struggling thats what we are all here for. To help one another.
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Hi, Iām gonna chip in here. I had a shitty childhood where my emotional needs werenāt met, and I too have a hard time believing I deserve kindness. I too, got to a point with alcohol that I couldnāt abstain for more than one day, so every other DAY, I felt like a failure. With the help I found here, I was able to finally get off that merry go round. Adam, I think what youāre experiencing is he kick from alcohol, that let down can be powerful. It can lead you to use again just to shut down the incessant feeling like crap voice. I hope you can hang in there.sending you strength.
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Many hugs my friend. I donāt see you as a failure and am proud of what you are trying to accomplish. This is not an easy road that we are on. I know meetings didntā work in the past but do you think doing a on line meeting with video / microphone off might help - just to listen?
It is super hard to do this alone and i can imagine the dread of coming home to an empty house especially over the weekend. Are you able to fill your time with activities so that you can keep busy.
Love you are worthy of our support just as much as the next guy / gal - we are all struggling with our addictions - one thing weāve learned is that we can not do this alone. Only with the support of others are we able to kick addictions ass. I do hope you stay active here. The more you join in / read around the more beneficial it will be for you.
So very sorry that you are struggling so hard. We are here for you and this forum isnāt just for those that have it all figured out - we are here just as you working on the next 24 hours. Together we are stronger.
I wish you strength and loads of love! Keep coming back! 
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1 last time could be the worst thing you could do. Iām on day 1 and I regret picking up every time. I could lose my job, my wife, my family. I could lose it all at any moment especially because of my active addiction. Itās no game. Itās addiction
Active addiction is dangerous
I wish I had 3 days under my belt
I really really do
So for your 3 days I can actually say wow what a miericle.
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Wow, you live in a beautiful part of the country. We enjoyed it, lovely weather to explore a castle. I do think English Heritage have gone too minimal with their signs though, we ended up having to Google William Cavendish to work out what happened to him during the Civil War. Think they are focusing on areas of interest to the person who owned the property only, in this case horses, art and the party he threw for King Charles I, but in doing so you miss a lot of the interesting parts. There was no signage in the kitchens for example so no history from the servantās perspective. Lovely place to visit but very minimal history.
Wish I had known you lived this way! Still havenāt had a bakewell pudding (are they nice??)
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My boss answered via email a few hours after she hung up on me.
Iām employed with this schedule until Christmas, possible for next semester as well. But she couldnāt guarantee that, itās not her decision (Itās the School board who decide after all,so itās the lady over my boss who makes the final decision)
The staff unit is going to give me all the paper work I need. And my boss didnāt need me to apply for andats off since Iām still hired per hour. And not getting the employment she promised me from the beginning.
Probably not her fault though,I just wish she was boss enough to actually tell me personally instead of trying to avoid all kinds of conflicts.
Anyway I wrote back Thanking her for finally responding, telling her that Iām very pleased with the schedule for this term, and that Iām happily staying on the same schedule for next term as well.
So weāll see how it ends. At least Iām secured until December, and I can take days off whenever I want. Only have to work a few days a week. Nothing to complain about really. So it all worked out just fine 
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Checking in again. Breathing deeply and remembering to just take it easy.
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Day 79. And day like 9 I believe without chew. Yes Iām using nicotine pouches but Iām weening of them as well. So far so good I donāt have any craving for chew. No bike ride today bc I slept a good portion of the morning I didnāt feel to good. But today was the last day of girls day camp and they are having a awards at 245 so Iāll go down and see that. Sunday weāre off camping and thatās exciting, I do still have groups and stuff I need to focus on as well still but 8ts gonna be fun. Much love
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Just read your post @Rob11 Iām sorry to hear youāre having a hard time. I know that movie and I can imagine how depressing it must be for you. I really hope thereās gonna be a change. Maybe people need time to open up or further treatment. Hope you find a companion to make it all a bit easy. Stay strong.
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Checking in
Day 544
So ive had an amazing day so far and yet Im actually having a strong urge to use. Why is that?!
This day has been almost perfect. We are having beautiful fall weather. I treated myself to a Venti Skinny Vanilla Latte from Starbucks. Went grocery shopping for healthy food. And am having a healthy chicken salad with a side of fresh blueberries for lunch. I got the dishes done and will be baking brownies with my son after lunch. So why do i feel the urge to use? I wont of course but my god brain, give it a rest lol Just doesnt make sense.
Anyway, hope everyones Friday is going okay! 
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Wow,Eric! Iām late thanking you, for your post! Iām on day 31 now, and ā¦ā¦
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