Congratulations on your week sober!! Way to go! 
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Thank you! 
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With sobriety you get out what you put in
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No. Many people here get sober the first try. Many others like myself take a couple half assed stabs at it before committing to sobriety. However normalizing relapses like they are a normal part of sobriety just gives people permission to stay stuck in that cycle.
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0 days alcohol free. Yesterday I let the addict voice win. It sort of came out of nowhere. I have taken the week off from work, ironically to focus on recovery. I had gotten back from a morning walk and suddenly I was overcome with intense sadness and hopelessness. I would have done anything to stop feeling like that. Then the idea planted in my head, you could just have a couple drinks to take the edge off. No one would even have to know. And the idea grew and grew. There was so much I could have done. I could have called my sponsor or someone else in the program. I could have gone to a meeting. I could have come here. But I didnāt. I tried to hide it from my partner, yeah as if! This morning I told my partner and sponsor and now Iām going to two meetings and going to meet with her this afternoon.
Will I ever be free of this mental prison? I canāt seem to make it much longer than 60 days. The truth is, I love my new sober life so much more than my old one. I hate drinking, I hate everything about it. The taste, the smell, how it makes me lose control and lose time, it makes me sick. I feel gross this morning. I havenāt slept well in two nights (the night before had bad storm anxiety). I just donāt know why I wonāt help myself, why I wonāt reach out and use the tools. I know better. Many people have spent time with me to share their wisdom. Iāve let them down. However, Iāve āonlyā had alcohol three nights in the last 6 months, which Iām still clinging to as a sign that I can do this.
I am probably going to move forward with TMS treatment for my depression. Itās expensive and a big time commitment but Iām desperate.
Anyway I wanted to come here and be accountable and honest. I wonāt give up. Going to keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing. Today is going to be hard 
I have to look at myself in the mirror. I have to admit my total powerlessness over this disease.
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Cunning, baffling, powerful. AA got it spot on with that description.
Have you journaled at all? Writing down when you feel triggers might make it easier for you to spot them next time. Maybe the feelings of hopelessness you had yesterday were not completely out of nowhere but just felt like it?
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No one is normalising relapses by saying people who struggle should continue to post. The good and the bad. Addiction isnāt linear.
If changing habits was easy, this group, AA, SMART, the rehab centers etc. wouldnāt exist because there would be no need for them. Everyone would just drop the booze in the sink the first time they realised they had a problem, like in the movies.
You started posting on here when you were fully commited to your recovery. Most people take time to get there.
Are only success stories welcome in your perfect little sober world?
Yes, itās frustrating to watch people struggle and make the same mistake over and over and over again. But it takes 0 effort to show some compassion to those who are still in the relapse merry-go-round.
Itās not about normalising relapse. Itās about holding space so people can come back here after a relapse.
It costs nothing to let people have a place to vent and write about their ongoing battle.
Edit to add: the people here are grown adults. No one needs permission from the internet to drink or call their dealer.
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This is a great idea. You are probably right that there were things that triggered me into that state. I have a gratitude journal but I think I need to start processing and reflecting more on my feelings and triggers. I know I was already tired from the night before and I was feeling lonely, full of of self loathing, and some self pity (I love to wallow in self pity). I need to build up my self love but I also need to humble myself. Self pity is ego driven and removes me from my higher power. I am scared of surrendering because Iāve only had myself to rely on for so much of my life. But relying on myself is what led me into this mess. I have to turn my will over to my HP completely.
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Day 45. Having a good day today, and I plan on keeping it that way! Hope everyone is well 
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Your right Derek there are people on here who did get this first time way before internet . your vacation looks great ,great pics of you and your beautiful lady ,
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Iām not sure what happened, Iām out of the loop as lately Iāve been, well, not checking in here daily like I should.
This site is for YOU! I can understand not wanting to share for safety reasons or you are just not comfortable with it. However, Iām sensing you may have received some harsh feedback? If thatās the case, girllllll, been there!
Tough love here does nothing for me, but for others it could mean the difference between life and death. For me personally, it will send me into a spiral and Iāve sworn this place off many times.
Iāll later go back to posts and read them again, and then Iāll kinda side eye myself and be like, girl, It wasnāt that bad. Iāll see a name, and instantly assign a negative tone to that personās reply (I gotta make sure I get good and triggered lol). Sometimes the delivery is questionable, but I can guarantee you that the message is coming from a good place. People are very passionate about what worked for them and have trouble seeing past that. But, the intention is good, and now I feel honored when they choose to spend a small part of their day to help me. 
Iām a coddler, I show love, acceptance, understanding, kinda like mom stuff. Thatās great for some, but might be enabling or triggering for others. Looking at your profile it seems you may have had a recent relapse? I see someone who is here trying to be the best version of themselves that they can be.
I could be totally off base, Iām still trying to figure out my heightened intuition lol. However, if you donāt want to share anything here due to feedback that seemed to hurt more than help, then trust me when I say, this is for you. If you donāt find the feedback to be what you need, put them on ignore for a bit.
I scrolled up and read some of your posts from this thread, and it looks like youāre having issues with groups triggering you to drink? I get that 100%
Are they group therapy sessions? Or more like AA?
I also made my own journal-ish thread on here where I do all my sh*t talk, and post my little heart out. I think my longest post is about 4 miles long if you printed it out.
You have the right to ignore anything that you find unsupportive or just rubs you the wrong way. So there! Looks to me that youāre not giving up, and you are here helping god knows how many people with your journey. I donāt think anyone here had a āperfectā journey with sobriety. Come on, how boring would that be anyway. Some people have an issue with how I got sober, and consider it ācheatingāā¦ Thatās their problem, not mine. Iām over here with my 1,167 days without a drink, and even more fancy is that I have not craved a drink even one time, and not for a single moment. Just the thought of it makes me 
I babble a lot, Iām sorry, itās kinda my thing and I find it annoying lol. Just remember, you are here for you and nobody else. Ironically, by utilizing this resource to get sober, youāll also be helping others without even knowing it.
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Yay!!! ODAAT friend. One hour, one minute at a time when needed. You are doing it!!! Vaping seems even harder to quit than old fashioned regular smoking. But you are. You made it through the first week. It will get a lot easier soon. Of course it will take a bit longer to brake the habit. But you are right on track. So proud of you! Hugs and love.
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If I could love this post a thousands times I would. Please babble some more on this thread and anywhere on the forum friend! We need it and we need you! 
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Good morning!
Hoping I manage to come back tomorrow with another sober day in the bag.
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Morning Check In
Day 541
Well managed to get thru the night shift with my son. Im beyond tired this morning but i have my cold brew coffee in hand and am sipping on that to help me stay awake for the day. Basically all im doing today is some cleaning. Maybe paint my finger and toe nails for some selfcare. I also have my DBT Emotional Eating book coming today, which im excited to start reading. Ya i guess thats it for now. Hope everyone has a fantastic Tuesday 
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Listen hereā¦OMG! I am obsessed with monkeys. I want a monkey, I love monkeys. Is the little guy next to you holding a banana? Iām going to cry. Did you get to hold him? Did he sit on your lap? The meanest part of both my ex-husbands was not letting me have a monkey 
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RANT.
For the record: I know there are many places that are much hotter than mine. Mind you, I lived the last 8+ years on the Arctic circle and we have a 6 month winter anyway. Thereās no chance to get āadjustedā to the heat.
As for the rant: Iām so done with this summer. June was really hot between +25 and 29 CĀ° (77-84FĀ°), July a bit more tolerable but OMG, I was not prepared for 7th Aug. After a few rainy days the temp shot up to +29CĀ° and stayed there. It was so humid I could see my hair moving but I couldnāt feel the wind outside. Iām not used to this, built or meant for this. Even my husband, who can sweat or freeze his ass off and keep going business as usual, struggled with the heat in the night. Idk what happened but the following day I felt just frigging awful. Disoriented, nauseated, dizzy, phlegmatic.
Like I said, Iām done. Heat can go fuck himself. Let there be Christmas!
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