Checking in sober day 58.
One foot in front of the other.
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end of day 3, waiting for the kettle to whistle so i can drink a cup o tea and go to bed. my mother in law just got back from a trip which means thereās a 6 pack of IPAs in the fridge! she always has a supply and i usually take a couple, in addition to whatever else i buy for the night - but not tonight! as long as iām living with her and my papa i will see beer or wine when i open the fridge, so i simply just must be steadfast in my commitment to using each time i see alcohol in the house as an opportunity to neutralize any emotional charge around it and continue sober life as usual. i donāt mind that theyāre choosing it, that doesnāt have anything to do with me. i am sober. and proud of it!! so glad to know i will be waking up tomorrow without a hangover 
love yāall!!
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@gothicunicorn Welcome to the community Tonie. Glad to have you with us on this journey.
@catmancam Oh man I do hope you get some sound sleep tonight and I do hope the hearing bit is because of the caffeine ā will be normal tomorrow. So excited that you got all the cleaning done in time for the inspection. More thrilled that you got the referrals for the ASD assessment. I do hope that they are able to get back with you quickly. Best of luck with tomorrowās course.
@noshame Yes ā that does make it harder for sure - not impossible. Like you said it is a bit of a struggle but such a great feeling when you donāt give in to the urges. I too have loads of alcohol in the house so I know about having to establish self control. You are doing great with all your timers ā keep strong my friend.
@timetochange WOW man congrats!!! That is awesome news 
Great job on your 80 days as well.
@butterflymoonwoman WTF ā you are right ā you should not have to fight to get proper care. I am grateful that you were able to get a replacement machine and can totally understand the frustrations. I do hope your evening was much smoother.
@deelzebub OH I love that you took yourself out to the movies ā I do hope you had a wonderful time 
Totally with you on this ā I find that I am laughing more and being my true silly self more than ever now that I am soberā¦ alcohol was hiding all the awesomeness 
Let the humor flourish. It is harder to in sobriety when we see alcohol on a daily basis. I try to keep my La Croix and Kombucha in the fridge as an alternative for me so I can grab a cold one. Also like you said ā removing the emotional charge related to seeing the alcohol is key ā you are doing fantastic with day 3 
Love this philosophy and love that you have a best friend to let loose with and be your sarcastic dark humored self with ā so important! Great job on 17 days AF! Check out the Grumpy A-holes (quitting cigarettes/ nicotine products) Thread ā loads of tips and stories to help you kick this habit too. Some say quit all at once and get over the withdrawals at once and others say one habit at a time ā you know your body best and what you can handle. We will be with you every step of the way! You are strong enough to conquer whatever you put your mind to Just saw your update ā it is wise to wait and quit once you get your sobriety underway ā in the mean time, take a read on the thread and get mentally, emotionally prepared for the winter challenge.
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@Brl81Congrats on 50 days ā Keep strong
@Mamakitty1001 Yeah to day 2! Keep em coming.
@cueball8n9 OMGLovely view ā thanks for sharing
Ah man that is awesome ā does sound like itās increasing and that is fantastic. Glad that you and your son will have some quality time this weekend. I see you getting close to the 4 digits ā I think you are doing fantastic Rob ā should be super proud of where you are and how far youāve come.
Checking in on Tuesday evening
265 days free of alcohol and weed
680 days free of cigarettes
I am so over the moon fucking thrilled that i finally did find my passport and was able to go to Cananda with the family today. It was super easy picking up our Canandian passports. We did take a stroll around downtown trying to remember the good ol days but everything has changed and it feels so different. I was able to get me a proper Tim Hortons coffee for the drive back. My god! i took one sip and my mind said ālets light upā - I drink coffee all the time and iāve not had the link of coffee and cigarette ever since i quit but this was intense. Thank goodness i was driving and with my family so nothing came of it. I did enjoy the rest of the coffee without any further urgesā¦ just threw me for a loop for a sec.
Its been a long day - grateful that i got out but in a whole lot of pain. The long car ride and the walking was not the best but thankful I have PT tomorrow.
Hope you all are doing well - have a wonderful addiction free day / evening - sending you much love
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Thanks love! I know I need to quit and I want to, so we will see. Iām overthinking it and getting in my head about it. I could say fuck it in the next week and go for it. 
just need to slay that stupid addict brain gremlin that thinks he gets to run the show. I will keep scrolling the grumpy thread as I mentally prepare for my next war with addiction. 
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Day 87 without alcohol
Set my alarm early today and dragged my ass to the gym. It takes me about 30 to 40 minutes for my back to loosen up. It was slow going but it felt good to go. I used to love working out and I used it as a way to deal with my stress. Iām hoping I can continue and that I can get stronger. Iām a bit tired getting up so early but at least Iāll sleep well. I hope. Lol
It is a different feeling knowing that I cannot drink. I mean I guess I could but I certainly know where that leads. Itās almost a feeling of deprivation. Not sure this is something Iām experiencing today but I am.
Headed to bed early Iām tired. Sleep well sober family
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I know this feeling too well. You just remember to be gentle with yourself and you will know when you are ready.
YES - that is exactly it ā a war with addiction and we are going to win!
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You are so sweet and wonderful Jasmine! I actually had a therapy appt today, and my person gave me some pretty good insught as to why thisā¦something I have never thought about before, i think because it isnt something we socially associate with men and their emotional relationship to others. Now doesnt mean its not hard on me or that the behaviour/reaction he is havign is okay or just to stay as is. He knows its hard on me, I have never seen this man so depleeted in our almost 13 yrs together.
But yes i need space to have my days too, and I know when hes more grounded himself he is able to give back to me in a better way. Its like when our cup is empty, hpw do we give to others? I know this is where is at as well, and stressed about his nee business venture. Anyway, i just so appreciate the thought. I read a thing about chronic pain today that i forwarded to my bestie bc it was soooo fucking accurate like im fine im okay im good im okay im fine im fine im fine im okay im okay HOLY HELL CAN SOMEONE MAKE THIS FUCKING PAIN GO AWAY I CANNOT HANDLE ONE MORE DAY MUTHERFUCKER JESUS LORD TAKE ME im fine im fine im fine im okay im okayā¦and i dontvhave chronic pain but i related to that with a chuckle on that emotional level with what im going through.
Honestly, the kids take a lot but fuck me they give a lot also. Best part of my day is when they get home. Its a funny thing being a parent kind of like that above description of chronic pain. I mean its not not accurate [i mean this in tongue and cheek and not an actual comparison of children and chronic painā¦bc thats just weird and inappropriate on so many fucking levels!]. Xo Jazz and I genuinely appreciate all you do on here and your spot in this commubity for me on my journey. Keep doing your thing xo.
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Evening Check in
Day 576
Feeling much better than I was earlier. I was pretty annoyed hours ago, but everything worked out. The RT came by with a replacement machine and this one works so much better. I ended up doing some cleaning afterwards and then made BLTs with turkey bacon for supper. Just finished putting my son to sleep and now going to have a relaxing shower and wind down. Im excited for my sons school photos tmrw. Cant wait to see how they turn out. Sooo grateful to be clean and sober. Like I really feel this in my soul. I have my moments where my mind goes, āone would be niceāā¦ but i have never ever regretted not using. I am always so grateful each day to have a clear head, clear conscience, and free spirit. Have a great night everyone 
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My gosh we all up late in this house tonight. Not sure its the moon or what here bur even me iM usually asleep by now.
Had another low day. Im chuckling at myself bc literally a day before my dip i was like whoa yaāll IM HAPPY. Lol. Life being a rollercoaster is truth if I ever heard it.
Heavy in my heart, mind, body and soul. I know for me sometimes when Im working hard at something when i get a place with it, i dip instead of feel celebratory or light. Put a lot of effort these past weeks with child services and legal side of things making our caseā¦and Im getting somewhere. Fired our lawyer because whu are we paying someone to do what I am doing for free. I just hit a wall, and it happens to us allā¦this is just very emotional for me. Cried a few times today. Give Heaven some Hell came on the radio when driving and i literally considered pulling over bc i jist couldnt help see my sister and cried. I imagine often when I will say when I take the stand, not really for being a witness but my victim impact statement like wow. I have to do that still, so many steps stillā¦and its like this saga in some ways will not end for me. Just feeling that today, feeling that WAAAAAHHHHH ME shit. Sat in my nephews room and just cried. I know we did the right thing, i know him being here was right. I know this fight is right and worth it, and I also have to look at what my own family is recovering from hereā¦and the road ahead of my family and nephew. Just feeling WAAAAAHHHH TODAY! And you know, some of my previous brain would be calling out self-pity or telling myself ro remember to be grateful and what not shaming myself for feeling low. But nope, not this lady and not today. I GOT to honor this feeling. Self pity isnt a place to stay but its not something to be ashamed of like we a child told to stop feeling sorry for ourself. You know what i am feeling a bit sorry for my damn self today, and sorry for my children and my husband, and my parents and most of all my sister and her son, and then dont get me started on any other woman caught in our bullshit system that doesnt even help them get out of domestically abusive partnership and sure as shit doesnt punish men who take lives with an actual factual life sentence. Ooooo yes im feeling the pity and resentment in my teeth on this day my friends. But I am going to sit with that part of me, those parts and not come down on them or me um thats hard lol and justā¦let them be, here that out and say you know what yes girl. Yes. We cant stay here there is far to much beauty and light, but today girl you go ahead and be sorry for yourself and family. XO. To the 25th hour my friends xo.
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Haha! Winter is what helped me quit too! I had a brief bout of Covid, not horrible but it really dried out my lungs. I hadnt smoked for 3 days bc it was painful. I did attempt one time after but it was 10Ā° out and I said āeff this, I should just quit.ā Your time will come too 
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Day 111. Hey, how is everyone? Itās been a busy couple days, some anxiety and worry. Really trying to get this grammar stuff down for English. I am learning a lot, i try not to make run on sentences. i had no idea had bad my grammar really was. We also learned about thesis statements, topics and main ideas. Im trying, thats all i can do. Whether i pass or not is a different story. My human service teacher has already assigned another action assignment. This time its about ethical values, which is due Monday, this is on top of are annotated bibliography for her as well. Plus we have a essay due Tuesday for are human service 108 class. I better damn be a pro by the end of this is all i know. I like doing it, i just do not feel like i am doing it right.
Friday i will be going home with my girls for autumns 8th birthday; it is so wild when I first joined this app she was 4 going on 5. Well i hope everyone is having a nice evening, Iāll ttyl.
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@JazzyS Glad you got to spend the day over the border! (Iām not allowed 
) I remember the morning coffee and cigarette. That was probably the one I missed most. Congrats on shutting that thought down so quickly 
Timās is the best coffee. Sad for you bc it sounds like you donāt have easy access 
@DanaM56 I think getting back into exercise is a great idea! It makes the body younger and definitely helps with stress. Remember when your muscles get sore itās for a good reason, and beats a hangover any day!
@Mindofsobermike You are crushing school! I see you putting the work in, asking for help, and you like doing it! Just keep on working hard and donāt worry that it will be wrong or right. Youāre learning. Enjoy every second with your girls It is crazy how fast it goes. Mineās 9 now and 5 when I joined.
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#Day 1820 
Shitty week at work. We have a team of four and are understaffed. One co worker (the manager) is on vacation and another one is sick since more than a week. Guess whoās working all of the time?
The co workers whoās left has young kids and cannot work extra. So I managed to keep the store open by running it with one person. Itās not enough, but It has to do. It gives me stress and doesnāt make me the best person I can be.
Iām angry. The sick person is sick multiple times every year. She has had multiple warnings in her file and we had a talk about it last april to see if we could do something to minimize it. We all are sick sometimes but her amounts of having the flu are ridiculous.
Canāt do anything about it.
The serenity prayer is the one I use right now.
But Iām still angry.
Where Iām gratefull for?
Next sunday starts MY holiday: 2 weeks hiking in Scotland!
And upcoming monday Iām 5 years sober.
(Picture from evening walk a few days ago)
So today will pass and better times are coming.
Have a good day all! 
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Day 12
Away from alcohol.
I am. committed to sobriety and to do the work of recovery.
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Day 81. Off on honeymoonā¦no alcohol
Will be a memorable time qnd i will check in daily
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49 days without binge drinking. Thatās likely 2 or 3 good rips that I didnāt go on. 2 or 3 weekends saved. Couple of hundred $ multiple occasions where I didnāt put myself or others in danger.
The urge to break out is not troubling me too much and Iām focused on not giving into the sneaky beast telling me to have a couple of quite ones on a Friday, which will end up lasting until a Monday or Tuesday night.
My Anxiety is up this morning. Iāve identified a pattern, overthinking. If I overthink things and itās usually work related I will get edgy and it snowballs. I need to get out of it today. I will commit for the next few minutes, then hours then all day not to overthink.
Iāll update tomorrow how today pans out and if and how I got this bout under control.
Best wishes for a good day all.
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1158
I better be careful what I wish for as the heat is gone but I just woke up to autumn here. Well, Iām traveling tomorrow and my friend in Texas told me it cooled down there a bit too, which is good news as they had the hottest summer on record. Which means itās been really hot.
Iām planning an easy day, packing my bag and cleaning and clearing my home a bit to give the cat sitter a good impression of me. One thing I donāt have to do is take the walk of shame with a huge amount of empty wine bottles to the āglasbakā or glass container down the street. Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@Mindofsobermike I already see big progress Mike! Man Iām so proud of you, as I hope you are of yourself, just for doing this! Keep going. ODAAT as in all. Hugs & love friend.
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Hi, congratulations, you kept that quiet!! Was it planned or spontaneous? Did you have a ādoā?
How exciting for you both, a new chapter. 
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Nothingnessā¦i dont feel good but then i dont feel bad eitherā¦i dont think i like it but dont know what to do about it reallyā¦it scares me a little
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