Checking in daily to maintain focus #58

[JazzyS]

@DanaM56

He is just like alcohol and I used the same rational I used to use with drinking. I can handle one glass of wine and be ok. I can manage this. But this wound is deep and painful. I loved him so much and he was absolutely awful to me. I did so well for six months with no contact. I know what I need to do. I need to cut him off completely. No contact again.

Yes – unfortunately with narcissistic people you can never win. The only thing to do is cut off all contact for your own sanity and health. Wishing you well with this final removal of toxicity from your life. You deserve to be happy and free.
@noshame You are doing fantastic at sobriety! Way to go through the scenario’s and realize that smoking would be the worst thing you could do. I do hope you got good rest and made it through the day with no issues. Are you able to get rid of what you have at home so you will not be tempted to reach for it in the middle of the night? Creating obstacles for ourselves helps as by the time you jump through all the hoops you no longer are craving.
@mno glad that Luna is doing better now – hope she continues to do well.
@galen_82 That is a normal feeling – leaving our DOC’s behind is like saying goodbye to a good (not so good) friend. The empty sad feeling of losing a companion is your addict brain playing tricks on you. Glad to hear that you are at a 4/10 and going to a meeting – hope you are feeling much better now and having a splendid day!

Quick check in – didn’t get a chance to catch up on the thread – will need to do this evening… hope you all are doing well… sending much love
I found my US passport – on my way to Windsor to get my Canadian passport renewed and celebrate my dad’s birthday.

[Gothicunicorn]

Checking in. Day 1!

[JuliaLuna]

@DanaM56 the amount of times i reached out to a toxic ex when i know damn well he doesn’t give a rats ass about me it SOOOO IS another addiction & i totally feel you girl. hope the shame you felt initially has given way to acceptance, swallowed in compassion, and turned into pure motivation to embrace a lifestyle of sobriety from toxic-ex-addiction. trust i’m over here doing the same!

[sigurdurerik]

492, checking in.

[DanaM56]

I understand and it sounds creepy. If you can block him I would. I had a stalker who was associated with this ex BF. She stalked me, had strange men call my phone at all times of the day and night. I subsequently learned that she died of an over dose.

I’ve blocked my ex and just do that, cutting energy cords has felt better. If you feel that he is not a physical threat to you, you can ask your HP to wrap you in a lead shield. I do that often with people that try to feed off of my energy.

[DanaM56]

@JuliaLuna thank you. I know he’s an addition. I blocked his email and cut him off again. I’m just a toy and a source of entertainment when he’s bored.

[Gothicunicorn]

Recovering from a narcissistic abuser here as well. It was the source of my heavy drinking. He is in prison now and i had to cut all contact because he gives me so much anxiety. We have 2 kids together and he continues to try to contact us. Its irritating.
I wish you well!

[CATMANCAM]

@Timetochange thank you for the kudos
@Alisa @JazzyS thank you both 🩵
@Deelzebub congrats on triple digits enjoy the movie
@Qhob13 thank you for your PEP talk, it’s such a good mantra, and I got there! For my nicotine quit, I have been using NRT products, finding what works, adding/removing, then reducing, slow and steady, and after over a year (with a couple of short relapses) I am finally seeing the light at the end, I’ve just collected my 2mg lozenges (reducing from 4mg) and the 1mg mouthspray, thats all I’m on now, the next step down will be to alternate between lozenges and just regular mints, so Ive got a bulk batch being delivered today in preparation, but theres really no rush…you already know the mantra it can definitely be applied here too
@Juli1 congrats on double digits I hope the dentist isn’t an awful experience and that it’s pain-free
@Noshame congrats on double digits no marijuana
@Tragicfarinelli welcome back
@Bones_80 sorry about so much pain but it’s good to see you checking-in
@Amy30 I really hope they recognise your marriage certificate sending out hopeful vibes

[CATMANCAM]

@Becs congrats on 3 weeks
@Brl81 congrats on 50 days
@Gothicunicorn welcome congrats on day 1

1128 days no alcohol.
593 days no cocaine.
108 days no vape.

As predicted, it took me from 13:30 yesterday, until 06:50 this morning, to complete all the remaining tasks. I did it in very small chunks, with lots of rest breaks. I’ve been awake all night and day. I can hear buzzing, it’s been constant for almost 24 hours, I did Google it and it said it can be a caffeine side effect, and I have had a fair few cans of it in the last few days, to try to help me get stuff done, so I’m hoping it goes away once I’ve managed to get some sleep. I have had tinnitus before, but my hearing usually goes dim, then I hear a high pitched noise, then it will stop and my hearing comes back, but this has been continuous, it sounds like a wasp nest is nearby or something.

Anyway so I’m relieved that it’s all done, I was anxious about some of the stains, they are quite light, but the carpet is lighter, even more so than usual because I Vaxed yesterday, so they actually look worse now. I couldn’t find the wipes that attach to my mop head, so I scrubbed the kitchen and bathroom floors in a Slav squat position (I can’t kneel), so that took a while, and the wipes I used were way smaller than the ones I couldn’t find so it was tedious.

But, it was done. I was planning to run the hoover over again, but I didn’t have any energy left. I hoovered yesterday, and I’ve already picked the clumps of fur up that had fallen from my long-haired cat since yesterday, so it was fine really, it’s not a show home.

The lady from the estate agents came to inspect im the middle of the time window, I made food after she left, then tried to nap but couldn’t, so I drove to my hometown to collect my NRT products from the pharmacy. Feeling hopeful that I wont notice too much of a difference with the step down to 2mg lozenges instead of 4mg.

Therapy ending yesterday was good, it went really fast, we just did some problem solving, because I said I haven’t been doing my healthy habits, and I explained how when I miss even one day, I find it so hard to get back on track. Then we completed forms for referring me for an ASD assessment.

It is term-time at the recovery college again, so tomorrow I am booked on an online course in the morning called ‘Exploring Emotions’.

An early night is in order…

🩵

[Tragicfarinelli]

Thanks CMC, I’ve missed your very inclusive and thoughtful posts. You always made me so happy to be included

[DanaM56]

@Gothicunicorn thank you. Im fortunate I don’t have children with him so it’s a bit easier for me. I wish you well too.

[Noshame]

That is a good question “can I get rid of the rest of the CBD”

My wifey loves to smoke when she gets upset or if she needs a boost or a mood stabilizer so it’s hers. I can’t just get rid of it on her

Tricky situation

I kinda like that I have an option to say no to. It makes me feel good I can turn it down on myself.

Sometimes people don’t drink but have a bottle put away for guests and no matter what they won’t drink it.

Bottom line for me
Just don’t touch it
Simple solution
Difficult situation

I’m definitely not saying it’s a good thing but it’s what I have to do at the moment

[Timetochange]

Day 80.

Got married

[JennyH]

Oh wow! Today? That’s amazing, massive congratulations!

[Mno]

Huge congrats!!!

[Butterflymoonwoman]

Checking in
Day 576
Today has been really stressful. Some days I just have a hard time dealing with people. My son ended up staying home again from school due to his illness and im glad he did bcuz one of his medical machines (that he HAS to take everywhere he goes) is not holding a charge. We can get maybe 2 uses out of it before it dies. I called our vendor and explained what happened. The Respiratory Therapist brushed it off saying that this happens all the time with these machines and that we just need to plug it in wherever we go. This is completely unacceptable! Of course i stood my ground and refused to accept her answer bcuz we take transit where there is no place to plug in his machine and he goes to school where he takes a bus with no plug in outlet. Its incredibly risky to have him without a working machine. So i bitched my way into finally getting another one so that ours can be fixed. Like I literally should not have to argue for the health and safety of my child. Thats f’n ridiculous. Even though I got what I wanted ( a replacement machine), I am incredibly annoyed right now.

Anyway… other than this, my day was okay. Im just trying to relax and take it easy. Do a little cleaning around the apartment. Thats about it. Hope everyone is having a good day today

[Tragicfarinelli]

Checking in day 2 alc, day 10 no nicotine, vape, products.

Feeling a little better though still can’t sleep, mad dreams made even crazier by fox mating in the wee hours and people shouting at them from balconies and windows to shut up. It’s a fucking fox. Then a kid at 3am listening to some rap in the courtyard. I wear Loops, but my ears feel sensitive at the moment so took them out. Seemed as soon as I fell asleep I woke, repeated all damn night. I like my sleep, this is not good for my mood.

Feel kind of ill but did eat some nice food- Thai red curry and basmati with stir fry veg at lunch then some chicken and salads for tea with nice olive oils and salt. Drank Rooibos and water and tea and coffee.

Showered for the first time in too long (I kind of punish my regime)….

Baby steps back to myself. Hope I sleep tonight, but this is at least better and nourishing activity.

[Tragicfarinelli]

Congratulations to you!

[Soberbilly]

@Just_Laura

I know trying to stop too many things at once isn’t always successful.

I agree with you Laura. It’s hard enough stopping a drug or alchohol addiction. @Qhob13 congratulations on 17 days AF. Good job. Quin! Take er easy. Real easy. I had a tendency to want everything to be a certain way early on. I was too serious. I know we are all different as far as how we approach life. I need my sense of humor to be active. This is serious shit but I don’t have to be. I can only speak for mysmelf. @Qhob13 Quin you will know when you can effort putting the nicofiend behind you. Trust yourself.

[Mischa84]

Congratulations!