#Day 1820
Shitty week at work. We have a team of four and are understaffed. One co worker (the manager) is on vacation and another one is sick since more than a week. Guess whoās working all of the time?
The co workers whoās left has young kids and cannot work extra. So I managed to keep the store open by running it with one person. Itās not enough, but It has to do. It gives me stress and doesnāt make me the best person I can be.
Iām angry. The sick person is sick multiple times every year. She has had multiple warnings in her file and we had a talk about it last april to see if we could do something to minimize it. We all are sick sometimes but her amounts of having the flu are ridiculous.
Canāt do anything about it.
The serenity prayer is the one I use right now.
But Iām still angry.
Where Iām gratefull for?
Next sunday starts MY holiday: 2 weeks hiking in Scotland!
And upcoming monday Iām 5 years sober.
49 days without binge drinking. Thatās likely 2 or 3 good rips that I didnāt go on. 2 or 3 weekends saved. Couple of hundred $ multiple occasions where I didnāt put myself or others in danger.
The urge to break out is not troubling me too much and Iām focused on not giving into the sneaky beast telling me to have a couple of quite ones on a Friday, which will end up lasting until a Monday or Tuesday night.
My Anxiety is up this morning. Iāve identified a pattern, overthinking. If I overthink things and itās usually work related I will get edgy and it snowballs. I need to get out of it today. I will commit for the next few minutes, then hours then all day not to overthink.
Iāll update tomorrow how today pans out and if and how I got this bout under control.
Best wishes for a good day all.
I better be careful what I wish for as the heat is gone but I just woke up to autumn here. Well, Iām traveling tomorrow and my friend in Texas told me it cooled down there a bit too, which is good news as they had the hottest summer on record. Which means itās been really hot.
Iām planning an easy day, packing my bag and cleaning and clearing my home a bit to give the cat sitter a good impression of me. One thing I donāt have to do is take the walk of shame with a huge amount of empty wine bottles to the āglasbakā or glass container down the street. Never again. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. Love.
@Mindofsobermike I already see big progress Mike! Man Iām so proud of you, as I hope you are of yourself, just for doing this! Keep going. ODAAT as in all. Hugs & love friend.
Nothingnessā¦i dont feel good but then i dont feel bad eitherā¦i dont think i like it but dont know what to do about it reallyā¦it scares me a little
Starting to get tired finally. I didnāt sleep that long, but I did sleep great. I had energy all day again. I think I actually might have had some kind of mild infection last week when I was feeling crappy. My nose it still stuffy but otherwise fine.
I didnāt get as much done as I intended but thatās bc something unexpected happened. My landlord, and a man from the health department, knocked on my door saying there are bed bugs in the building (no doubt from the trap house) and he has to treat it, eventually. I dealt with them 15 years ago and learned A LOT about them. So for the next 2 hours I scoured every inch of furniture I could and sure enough, I found some Not in the beds thank God.
This is something that requires daily diligence. Its another reason to get rid of the clutter and keep things tidy. Thatās how I banished the cockroches in 2 weeks when I moved in. Besides being phantom itchy, Iām honestly not too worried, so Iām grateful for that.
Day 33*
3:30 am here sleep has been a bit elusive here lately. It is certainly adding to my work stress. I am moving someone on my team to a more structured performance plan today, which depending on how they respond could lead to termination. Over the last few weeks I have increased our 1 on 1 time to offer more support and time for his questions. I have set clear objectives and metrics he needs to meet. I have given notes on specific tasks that need attention that he continues to avoid. I have asked him directly what he needs from me, how I can help support him to get him where he needs to be. I know I have tried but I want everyone on my team to succeed and canāt help but feel a personal failure when they do not.
Checking in day 102.
Feeling ok this morning despite not feeling that my sleep was that great. It was a pain getting my daughter up and ready this morning. She gets upset if she thinks I havenāt woken her, I guess I just really need to check that sheās definitely awake when I leave the room.
Iām just getting ready for an Al Anon meeting, itās been some weeks since I last went. This thing where my mum is saying she misses the kids but at the same time wonāt stay sober when she visits us is on my mind. Maybe a meeting will help. Then Iāve booked a lunchtime yoga class.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
In other news, I splurged on this really good face wash / face cream combo and my skin is starting to clear up while staying hydrated. Iām well chuffed about it. And yes, Iām in my 30s, but still get acne.
Hang in there, Mira! I think it is totally fine to compare children to chronic pain. I know mine are a chronic painā¦ in my ass! But man do I love them!! We use many favorite mom quote in our houseā¦
āThis is why tigers eat their youngā
āThis is why momās end up on the 10:00 news.ā
āIām about to take you out and thereās not a jury in the world that would convict me.ā
āThis is why they made small children cute.ā
Itās part of that whole sarcastic dark humor I mentioned above. It helps to laugh through it when you can. But thereās still crying. Lots of crying! Parenting is not for the weak!
My best friend gave me the below magnet when I was newly divorced, single mom, 3 kids- 8 and younger. Her 2 boys were out of the house, youngest just went off to college. Her sister gave it to her when her boys were young, so she thought it was only right to pass it on to me. So I will share it with you here.
Thanks, Laura! In the military I became a ādedicatedā smoker. Didnāt matter how shit the weather, location, etc I was lighting up. Iāve smoked through bronchitis is the dead of winter. (Big dummy!) But Iām out now and got soft the last couple winters Iām not a fan. That shit is for the birds, so if it doesnāt happen before then, this winter I will be leaving that shit for the birds! Lol thank you again for your encouragement and words of wisdom!
Not in the beds thank God.
sleep has been a bit elusive here lately. It is certainly adding to my work stress. I am moving someone on my team to a more structured performance plan today, which depending on how they respond could lead to termination. Over the last few weeks I have increased our 1 on 1 time to offer more support and time for his questions. I have set clear objectives and metrics he needs to meet. I have given notes on specific tasks that need attention that he continues to avoid. I have asked him directly what he needs from me, how I can help support him to get him where he needs to be. I know I have tried but I want everyone on my team to succeed and canāt help but feel a personal failure when they do not.
I think it is totally fine to compare children to chronic pain. I know mine are a chronic painā¦ in my ass! 
