Wow that is great quitting all those different things in such a close time proximity…
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Day 36:
Slept better last night, busy work day, daughter’s volleyball game, headed to bed. Another happily sober day.
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251
It warmed back up again outside. Every time it does I think it’s the last nice day before it’s just cold but then they keep coming. At least we got to be out in the sun. Soon I’ll have to start taking vitamin D again. I started last winter and noticed a huge improvement in my energy and mood. SAD is no joke where I live.
Had dinner with my parents and brother. Then played the usual, Pictionary. It always gets us laughing. My bro seemed in good spirits. It’s hard to tell sometimes. Seems like his new job is working out well, aside from throwing his sleep schedule out of wack(overnights). I hope he adjusts and it doesn’t affect his schizophrenia 
He’s no good when that acts up.
Finished Hill House. Onto Bly Manor now. Have to work in the morning so just one episode, maybe 
See you in 24!
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@timetochange How are you feeling? Can the change in weather cause the flatness? Not getting enough sunshine gets me in a funky mood. I do hope you are able to take Thursday / Friday off. Sending you positive energy my friend.
@jennyh 40 days!! Hell yeah the days are stacking up. I know it’s a process in figuring out how to learn to sit with our feelings. Be gentle with yourself – know that ALL your feelings are valid. I know I went through a period of just crying for no reason without warming. I know the need / desire to want to be perfect. You are a great mom Jenny. Do take care to not overextend yourself. Only one of you love – living in a self created circle of always being perfect is utterly exhausting! ODAAT my friend – you are doing great.
@wakikki I am grateful to hear that you have been doing well for the most part. Were you able to get your anxiety calmed down today?
@frank68 well done on 1 week of sobriety! Great way to talk yourself into a meeting – that is awesome!
@butterflymoonwoman we have a different definition of relaxed day 
I do hope you enjoyed your day! That view of fresh snow is beautiful – a bit early for my liking lol but yeah the first snow is my favorite.
Grateful for your approach. Being aware of our stresses and planning on how to navigate them is key. Just remember that using your DOC does not offer any relief and that you are doing fantastic with your sober days
@noshame doing so well my friend – it did take me 6-8 months to stop the Nicorette gum. Listen to your body. For me, I started to chew regular gum in place and my mind thought it was getting the Nicorette. Maybe some hard candy or regular lozenges in the mix of using the lozenges may be of help. Glad you are seeing your health improve.
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@mreeclee Great to have you on this journey with us and a hell of a job on 4 days of sobriety! You should check out the Meditation thread
@catmancam hope you are not getting sick Cam. Hope you got a better nights sleep last night.
@zzz wow those rock statue’s look impressive. Thank you for sharing with us!
@chuckie22 ugly grey chilly day’s are meant to be spent snuggled on the couch – hope you enjoyed your nap and the movie.
@karenkw 19 days and counting – I am sorry that you are having such trouble. The cravings are strong at the beginning but they do lessen as you keep stacking on the days. Hang on Karen – you are a badass – keep kicking addictions ass! 
@mira_d thanks friend. 
Appreciate you! Hope you had a wonderful day.
@Mindofsobermike Hell yeah day 2 and wow that is a beautiful read! Remember those words and know that on this sober path you are healing your suffering. How did school go today? I know the early days are super hard and hope you had a day not filled with fighting urges. 
Checking in on Tuesday evening
307 days alcohol and weed free
722 days cigarette free
It was another super productive day. I am exhausted and fighting through my body issues but i am impressed with all that i accomplished. Did have to take a 3 hour nap this afternoon to recharge. I will be working tomorrow and hopefully that goes smoothly. Did have a few moments where checking out sounded good but hey I don’t do that anymore and i know that if my body needs a substance to keep me going then i am pushing myself way to hard and this is a sign to slow the fuck down. So grateful for all of you here and the support i receive from this community.
Hoping everyone had a wonderful addiction free day! Sending you all so much love 
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I believe in you too!! Best reality here!
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Hey jazzy not day 2 unfortunately:( I didn’t make it school today I spent all the money I had from school since Friday I really am not ok
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Hey Mike - I know it’s late now but can you log into an online meeting? Get yourself to a meeting or your group for some support tomorrow?
I know the spiraling feelings you are feeling right now. Show yourself some compassion and love.
This monster will not get the best of you. I am so very sorry that you are struggling.
For tonight maybe take a hot shower. Try to get some sleep. Maybe a hot cup of tea? Have you tried meditating or doing a full body mindful scan combined with Deep breathing?
I know the addition has its hooks into you right now. I also know you are a strong young man full of life and can beat this. You have to find that drive within you.
Mike - we are here for you. Always ready to listen and lend a shoulder. Sending you much love my friend
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Thank you for being here
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Of course my friend. We got your back. Hope you are able to get some shut eye soon.
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1600
Slept longer and better. Happy with that as I feel I’m on the brink of a major depressive episode and if there’s one thing I need to fight that it’s good sleep. While at the same time lack of it is a typical symptom of depression.
Which always is the paradox with these f*cking depressions. The remedies are the things that are hardest to do. Exercise. Go out. Hike and bike. Prepare good food and eat it at regular times. Do house chores. Read. Do cultural stuff. Do whatever gets my clock ticking. And enjoy it goddamned! EDIT: Forgot to mention socializing. Of course. Hardest thing to do for me.
Both my individual therapist and my GP are on holidays right now so that’s not so great. On the other hand I really don’t like or want medication. While the last time sertralin wasn’t that bad TBH. Will see how my mood develops in the coming two weeks or so.
It’s the first time I get to experience it like this. Experience the full range of feelings and emotions and how to deal with them, using the tools i’ve learned since I became sober. No numbing. No cravings. I know exactly where using would lead me and I’m not going here. When I die I die but it will not be because of my stupid addicted mind.
I really dreaded having to work yesterday. But it turned out work is good for me. Talked to my manager about how I’m feeling. Work gave me some purpose. Occupational therapy for me. Thank god I feel pretty safe in my job and by and large I know what I’m doing. One late shift tonight, two days off after.
Let’s keep active yes. Like yesterday after work I went into town where I bought a fountain pen, some 40 years after I broke my last one, same brand, same look. Made me happy. As the autumn colours around made me glad too. One day at a time. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you can friends. Love from Amsterdam.
@Mindofsobermike You need your sober mind Mike. This path is taking you down. I know you know it but I still need to say it. You can do it. With 100% commitment. All in. No holding back. No secret escapes and back doors. Never again. ODAAT. And never crave alone. Much love friend.
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I will make it to group tomorrow and do what my counselor says. I felt so much remorse but honestly I didn’t really try to stop anything. I have told so many friends and family about my relaps, I do want to stop. This morning when I went home I kept shaking unctrolably, I don’t even remember falling asleep, just waking up. I’ve had so much unprotected sex these last couple days I really do feel disgusting.
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I am glad you are here, but I think you really need to get back into some kind of F2F help now or as it is probably a weird time of the day now, asap. You know the slippery slope, and you are sliding right now. The more recently you have taken something, the easier it is to say ‘fuck it’ and just take some more. You deserve better than this, and need to put the brakes on now. You have it in you, I believe it. 
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Thank u. I think the clocks changing will help
I am tending to wake up naturally at 7.40 then i start work at 8. So next week should feel easier.
I think in part we are planning for Christmas and i know my kids aren’t interested in meeting up, which just really saddens me. But all good. Found a fabulous playlist on Spotify Spotify for anyone interested in some glorious classical music.
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Wow, 1600 days. Congratulations 
It sounds like we are having similar thoughts recently. It is exhausting trying to motivate yourself to “be good” and get ahead of the depression. I really hope you find some peace today
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Thank you @JazzyS and @Soberbilly
You are both so right. I really like the idea of sitting with the thoughts and allowing them to flow. I did that yesterday and it was uncomfortable, but I am feeling better today. Seem to be processing stuff from decades ago, but at least I am.
Thank you both
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Checking in for 360.
Another day at the office, then off to the stadium to see my team play tonight.
Have a great Wednesday you guys 
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So close to a year!! Who is your team?
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Checking in, Day 41.
Got over the cravings yesterday and feeling positive today. We are all off today so should be a nice day. Then back into work tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it. Beginning to realise I am no good left on my own, think I did know that on some level as had requested full time hours. Would always rather be working at maximum level, but then with room for naps. I confuse myself! Now I just need to learn how to deal with the tiredness that comes with that without wine.
Hope everyone has a good day
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