Day 134. Made it to school, so I am happy with myself about that, you know I just realized I have not taken my medication in the last like 5 days. I just completely forgot to take them, it may be why I’m feeling off a little bit. I’m not sure but I hope to get it together, Im trying to stop making excuses and do what I say
19 Likes
Day 150, question for some old timers which really is anyone with more time than me or people who have done this before. Anyway last few days I have been having cravings almost to the obsessive point.
I take meds that help with my anxiety,depression and cravings but I’ve learned all that really helps with is 30% and the other 70% is mental… I’m scared this is beginning of a relapse and I want to catch and fix now not later…
Any suggestions I would really appreciate
Thanks in advance
15 Likes
Day 240 AF today.
Last day in Mexico. I fly home
Tomorrow.
Been here 6 out of the last 8 weeks and am looking forward to being home for a couple
Of weeks.
This site h los me
Stay grounded and connected while traveling. Thank you all!
13 Likes
Hi @NICKLE5CENTS, so very awesome you are adressing your concerns here at the checkin. I am currently at day 672 free from alcohol and I can relate very much to what you are describing. It happens to me every time I reach a real or imaginary milestone (i.e. 6 months, first party sober, first christmas, 12 months…). I get the unexplicable cravings and I think its because we are used to celebrate achievements in the one way we know best - having a dance with our DOC.
The other occasion I still get cravings is when I am hitting a road block or something is off and I didn’t listen to my inner self well enough what it was I really needed. I’ve become more sensitive to this and have learned to pause and reflect on this before I chose to act.
Either way, its a great thing you are noticing this is happening to you. It gives you the chance to make a conscious choice instead of instantly reacting. I often do the opposite of what my alcoholic brain is commanding me to do in the moment. I call a friend when I want to retreat, I go for a walk in nature when the bars are calling, I actively let the tears flow when I want to numb unpleasant situations. This way you broaden you tool box and learn, that there is a plentitude of other options to make yourself feel good. You got this, friend 
10 Likes
I’d like to second what @Pandita said, the kudos for coming here when you’re experiencing cravings (not to mention and also your 150 days!). I also second the very real “milestone malady,” where when approaching any kind of meaningful number (which is different for all of us) it can trigger some thoughts from our addictive brain to use to celebrate or to think we can have just one. We are all in the process at different stages of healing our brains/minds from old patterns and creating new neural pathways, literally, for healthier responses to stress especially. I reached my 2 year milestone last Friday and I recognized some signs in myself, some complicated emotions, some reminiscing about the past and “happy” times drinking to celebrate, not to mention it landed just a few days after my husband’s birthday and the day before a party to celebrate it. I will admit I had fleeting cravings, more like fear of missing out (FOMO). I have a list in my phone of all the reasons I quit and all the reasons my life is improving without alcohol in my body. It’s my go to at times like these. Like Pandita said, now is the time to build up tools you can reach for when the cravings hit. There are some great threads on here with ideas and I’ll link a couple. I’m sure you will find more posts by using the search function.
Hang in there! Glad you are here. Protect your sobriety with all your might!
https://talkingsober.com/t/leighs-guide-to-crush-cravings-part-1/3946
https://talkingsober.com/t/advice-for-the-newcomer-and-constant-relapser/11064
10 Likes
I suppose it’s as good a time as any to share this…
I hit 2 years free from binging on alcohol last Friday and I mentioned in my previous post some of the feelings I was having leading up to that milestone. I know I deal with some seasonal depression and things have been stressful at times in my life, but I definitely resonate with what some others have said about milestones getting things mixed up in your head! But the life I am able to build without alcohol is remarkable in comparison to where I was before, binging more and more, lying and hiding from my husband and family, feeling worse and worse physically and emotionally, deepest dives into depression I’d ever experienced, you get the point. I have healthier relationships, especially with my husband, he’s my best friend and never left my side. My finances are better, we bought our first new car and our first home, no doubt due to my not literally pissing money away. I’ve made strides in getting to know myself better and be kinder to myself and even to others. The list could go on and on. It has been one of the hardest things I’ve done but one of the most fulfilling, too. It takes work and it continues to take work. That work changes over time and some things get easier and then life happens and shit’s hard again. That’s why the work of recovery is fundamental.
Mostly I am grateful. Lots of gratitude for finally making that decision and sticking with it, for my support system and for this community. You all are the bedrock of my sobriety - thank you for being here. 
35 Likes
Checking in on day 102, in a really good mood today and staying productive. Feels great to be able to manage life in recovery 
Have a great day everyone 
18 Likes
Congratulations on 2 years! 
4 Likes
Day 55*
My last minute day off really helped me notice myself. I tended to some things I haven’t done in months. I am glad to be sober and slowly working on the wreckage that is my life. It is an overwhelming amount and there’s pressure (from myself?) To fix it all now. I can’t do that. Sometimes it feels like no progress is being made. Yesterday, where I had some time to myself, I saw how not ok I’ve been. I am sober, relatively healthy, moving forward… there’s some good stuff there. But I feel like living in dark addiction/depression/crippling anxiety for so much of my life has allowed me to normalize living in I don’t know, moderate depression and anxiety? Sometimes when I am able to take a step back and care for myself and share with friends or supports I realize how unhealthy it is that I live with this much sadness and fear and sense of doom every single day. Sometimes I forget that’s not normal because I’ve lived with worse? I am still working on tending to myself at the early warning signs instead of waiting until I am in full blown crisis to make changes. Just some rantings today.
22 Likes
Yay!!!
6 Likes
Congratulations amiga!!!
4 Likes
Thank you. Will do! 
4 Likes
Checking in on day 123.
Today has seen a return of some of the negative feelings again. I’m not out of the woods yet it seems. I wasn’t as comfortable in today’s yoga class as previous days. I was glad when it was over and then I walked home through drizzle. I felt cold at home so I wrapped myself up in a blanket in front of the fire and closed my eyes but didn’t nap. I think the anti depressants are definitely making me less sleepy but also less anxious which is good but I did feel a bit glum today. I managed to go out for a walk and then I called a friend when I got home. He’s also feeling depressed right now but I think we both felt comforted by our conversation. I’m just so very tired of feeling this way.
16 Likes
Congrats on 2 years free! Your description of the “natural” progression of an alcohol free life is so spot on. It just keeps getting better & better as we work through the ups & downs of our recovery. Remembering and keeping gratitude front & center is the ticket to a life long AF life. Celebrate! You deserve it!
6 Likes
Amazing Rosa. Well done on the two years. Keep fighting. 
4 Likes
Checking in, doing rather good.
Taking steps to be more true to myself and dealing with the uncomfortable sides of it. But there are beautiful ones too and thats what one should focus on i guess. Its not like I havent been through the ringer with this haha.
Want to ruminate and overthink things so im battling that constantly. Telling my mind to stop feels impossible sometimes, but there was a time not long ago when I did it almost easily, so ill have to regrow that muscle.
The solution should be a Stop, without an explanation. I always explain to myself why Im allowed to let go of harmful thinking but that just adds to the whole endless thing. The whole point is to stop thinking, including justifying why I can stop thinking.
I need to stop justifying myself to myself and take a Stop as a Stop, the end of it.
Not easy but working on it.
Be good to yourself today.
Love to everyone here.
12 Likes
Half way through day 360.
I think I should take a nap. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open.
I hope y’all are having a good Thursday
18 Likes
@noshame Happy birthday to your wife! Hope you two have a wonderful day celebrating. Wishing you well with your defensive driving. Don’t think about the mistakes made but rather concentrate on what you have going for you now and what you can do moving forward. I know so much has changed for you in just a few months (moving in with in laws, getting a job etc). Be proud of all that you have done and all your sober timers.
@mindofsobermike Way to go Mike!!! This is amazing to see you doing well. I know it took me time to figure out support and what was available at school. Are you able to speak with counsellor’s or teachers to direct you to extra support? You should be very proud of yourself and how well you have been doing. Please do not be hard on yourself about missing class. We are here to talk to and listen – much love my friend 
Just saw your update – I do hope that your meds help get you out of the mental funk – hope it doesn’t last long
@jennyh Well done on your 3 weeks! I think I will join you with a coffee in bed Hey – you’ve made it through Thursday – 1 more day till the weekend. We can keep going! Hope you enjoyed the gym. I too went way sugary at the beginning (as I supplemented the alcohol) – be mindful about it but don’t obsess (if that makes sense)… you are kicking ass with sobriety – for me it took 3 months to not crave the sugar replacement.
@looking4support I do hope you got some rest. Were you able to get a Covid test? Hoping today is a better day
@dolse71 So sorry Paul – It is insane how we don’t think of the damage while we are in the throws of our addiction. I do hope that it is nothing serious and that you are not in pain.
@selflove_42 oh wow – grateful that you were able to get input from others which helped make your decision. So true – money isn’t everything. Doing well thank you for asking. It’s a exhausting week but I am making each moment count and also taking time for myself and my rest.
@marlowe wow Rob – this was lovely to read! Yeah to taking time for yourself and taking yourself out! I do love my solo adventures. LOVE that it’s all about you! Hell Yeah – about to hit that 1 week milestone my friend!
@rob11 I do hope you get that swimming in as I do believe it will be a great healer for you. I feel most at peace when I am in the water. I am sorry for all the triggers and stupid questions. Grateful for meditation and hopefully the re-integration bureau will also be helpful.
Funny – I was just thinking this same thing yesterday. Glad that we can see past the lies now. Well done on a productive day 2!
@nickle5cents way to go on 150 days. I do hope you had a great time celebrating your birthday. So very sorry that you are struggling with such intense cravings. I do find that doubling down with your support systems (meetings – family – this site etc). I also make sure to not have idle time as this is when my mind tries to spin tales and convince me that I need my DOC. Stay connected my friend. I realize this was written 4 hours ago – how are you doing now?
8 Likes
Thank you ! I appreciate your words so much and could almost feel my shoulders lower while reading them. Really good reminders in here for me. Do you practice meditation?
6 Likes
Thanks Billy. It’s only been 17 days on the Escitalopram and it’s definitely started to work but it just feels like a backwards step today. I see my GP next Wednesday anyway so I can check in with her then. Thanks for your reply.
7 Likes