Thanks for sharing!! I can definitely relate to perfectionist tendencies and to wanting to be liked. It has been a major theme for me as well, and one that had evolved over the last several years (hashtag blessed haha).
Two years was a big milestone for me and was when life shifted from the ache and determination of ‘staying sober’ to focusing on ‘recovery’ and what that meant for me (clue: holistic healing).
For me, year 2 and 3 held the big exhale from needing to work hard at ‘being sober’ to being able to relax into knowing I was comfortable in my sobriety (not complacent). YMMV
Productivity vs being also comes to mind. Something I am aware of in my life. My sobriety journey has allowed me the space to clear a lot of that mental clutter. It has been one of the real hashtag blessed gifts of this journey. Not that anxious thoughts are gone, far from it, but there is so much more space and health in my body mind and spirit to be with all those parts of my self and journey.
I can strongly relate to the perfectionist tendencies. It’s hard for me to put a “normal” level of effort into anything. I either don’t do something or I do it 1000%. I don’t have a middle ground, and to be honest I’m not sure why I’m like that lol.
That is what caused a lot of issues with alcohol.
I try to just pace myself and remember that even if I have a bad day, and don’t get a single thing done, it’s still a good day and a step forward because I’m sober. I don’t feel like I’m in a position to give any advice because we’re all going through it together and I’m not an expert, but I feel ya
I’m really grateful folks read and to those who responded to my somewhat rambling post today, thank you! I see it as a word vomit that I can go back to and piece through some parts to focus on thinking/writing about more and your comments helped me gain some clarity on that path.
@Scorpn I’m so glad it resonated for you. I have to admit, you have reminded me of me at times when I have read your thread. That’s why when you wouldn’t post for a hot minute and other people were seeming a bit frantic to see you check in I was pretty sure you were taking care of business and maybe “okay” isn’t the right word, but not feeling pressure to be so present when you had other priorities. I just hoped that in that time you could find space to take care of yourself too. I see you working on that and I’m so glad, keep at it and remember to be kind to yourself, too. So important to know we aren’t ever alone.
@SassyRocks you know I love your novels! Thanks for taking the time to respond. I love how you mentioned the productivity versus being. I think I was trying to get there in my thinking but you helped me see it for what it really is (even though we have talked about this before, ha ha!). I think I’m still swaying to the side of productivity and want to work on that. But getting my own space to be alone-ish, a space physically means space mentally too. I’m excited to get that feeling good again (I have missed that so much during this move it kind of drives me bonkers! Well, not kind of, that is a big contributor to anxiety I’ve felt). Oh but being in nature has saved me! And thank you for sharing what your 2-3 year milestones were like for you. I can relate and see some of that going on in my world, too. Feels pretty good, hot damn!
@Nordique thank you for sharing! Man, I can so relate to the all or nothing way, and you’re absolutely right it carried over into how I ended up drinking like I did. Have to finish the bottle, have to get shitfaced and pass out there is no stopping now, take it to the limit. For too damn long. Then try to negotiate with that is a real conundrum when I’m trying to do the same hard but important work in other areas of my life. But the answer was simple - trying to moderate alcohol made trying to moderate anything else in my life IMPOSSIBLE.
That sure looks like pretty good advice to me! From experience, no less!
I lost regular status again because I wasn’t active enough. I have been working crazy hours and then I got pneumonia… but a lot of things Id rather not put on the public threads…so I’ve just been doing the best I can and soon I’ll be back on my thread
I’m trying. It’s hard. I’m not used to making myself a priority… but all we can do is the best we can right.
Ah gotcha. But I think it was a while back before that happened since I really haven’t been on your thread in a long time (sorry!) Smart to not post your sensitive stuff on the public threads.
Keep trying, it definitely takes practice and some days there is more space to do so than others.
Rosa, you’ve been an inspiration to me from day one on! I always admire the way you own all your feelings and emotions, the good days and the bad. I am super happy for you and your 2 years of sobriety
I dont know you but i feel for you. I struggle with the same things myself. Ive been lookin more into this forum and stuff and it seems to be pretty awesome. I looked at your post because you share the same name as one of my best friends. And i felt the need to see what you had to say. I hope that your fur baby makes a good recovery . Look at it like this at least you and a family member can hopefully do some recovery together. Idk why but that feels very comforting to me. I hope you find some comfort in that thought too. Wishing you the best.
Lots going on with your emotions and in your home!
I’m glad that your family is there and I hope that that’s making for a good celebration all in all. Looks like a very nice time.
Strong you are with your toolbox with you, thanks too for clueing me in to what FOMO stands for in your post. Proud of you for recognizing in yourself where and when you’re weak and doing something about it instead of doing what you really most likely don’t want.
Something for your pocket or the tabletop to commemorate this sober road you’re on, navigating ODAAT.
Happy 2 years @RosaCanDo so greatful to share this journey with you. I appreciate your service to this forum behind the scenes and especially on the foodie thread.
@RosaCanDo , congratulations on those c two years! Big celebration for you, and lots of sober energy to keep at it. Thanks for being here and sharing so much. I don’t think there was ever a post from you that I didn’t enjoy or got a valuable take-away from. You are an inspiration.
I’ve been in that situation before. it’s HORRENDOUS! I was pregnant and my mum died. she was 42. And she always wanted to be a grandma and lavish me. she knew i was pregnant - she was the first one we told. 4 weeks later she was gone. careful of words it sucks but still. my mum wasn’t poorly she just went. i wasn’t even at my 12 week scan when she “left us” the pic did go in her coffin tho. my LG is 7 now; never met her grandma but knows who she is. You have to keep their memory alive in your brain and hearts dispite the pain hun. x sending ya love x
@jimjam@ARN3120 thank you both for your kind words. Life has changed so much since I made that first post on this thread in August of 2020, in fact it feels like a lifetime ago. I’ve reached 2 years free of binging on alcohol and self medicating, numbing, and hiding from life’s woes. Life still has its peaks and valleys (putting it mildly) but I have worked hard to learn how to live through and with them. I’m glad you’re here and part of this community and hope you continue to stay engaged for your own recoveries, as well.
Thanks for taking the time to respond. I love how you mentioned the productivity versus being. I think I was trying to get there in my thinking but you helped me see it for what it really is (even though we have talked about this before, ha ha!). I think I’m still swaying to the side of productivity and want to work on that. But getting my own space to be alone-ish, a space physically means space mentally too. I’m excited to get that feeling good again (I have missed that so much during this move it kind of drives me bonkers! Well, not kind of, that is a big contributor to anxiety I’ve felt). Oh but being in nature has saved me! And thank you for sharing what your 2-3 year milestones were like for you. I can relate and see some of that going on in my world, too. Feels pretty good, hot damn!
. Look at it like this at least you and a family member can hopefully do some recovery together. Idk why but that feels very comforting to me. I hope you find some comfort in that thought too. Wishing you the best.
