What wild weather. Gym and swim done by eleven am due to the clocks going back. Thankful for the extra hour…feel great
Made tofu BLTs and watching footie. Starting to make some plans to pack for Scotland now, gotta get so much ready and sorted including my proper cameras. Been a while since I broke the old Fuji out…I have to decide which one to take and which lenses etc as I’m trying to travel light ish. We have a hire car anyway as soon as we get to Fort William, but I still hate packing everything/stuff I don’t use.
Anyway, it’s been a nice sober weekend, I might just be getting into the swing of this sobering again, it’s lovely. I am ready for what the week might bring, and I hope that’s some information on whether I will still have a job or not……dicks….
@Mischa84 you deserve better, that’s all I can say. @JennyH the short term hardship will benefit you so much long term. Hang on in there.
You cant be the antichrist because your not my ex wife lol (just kidding we get along now). Leave your door open and keep reaching out to him. Something is going on in his head thar he needs to work through it sounds like.
Day 12. Happy Sunday! Feel good but didnt sleep the best. If there are any Supernatural fans out there I had a dream I was hunting a shape shifter lol. Yesterday was not as easy as last week probably because last weekend i was in bad shape just getting sober again and this weekend I feel good. Oh welldidnt drink I just soent hours putting together 200 trick or treat bags for my business (may have gained 5 pounds while doing it haha).
I need to work more on my 4th step but its bothering me. Im working on resentments and it is bringing up some really painful things fro. Past relationships (cheated on stuff). I thought i was over them but i guess not. I just need to get it down andbthen get it done.
Off to a meeting. Dang it was good to wake up at 6 on a Sunday and not start drinking! May check back i later. Have an awesome day!!!
Checking in on day 109. I wish everyone strength and peace of mind. @Mischa84 , I hope things improve and your husband sees the light, and if he doesn’t,that you have an escape plan, cuz you don’t deserve to live like this and neither do your kids. @Kimpantera , I’m so impressed you have set that boundary. I hope one day I can do the same!
Far from me to be one to pass judgement on anyone else’s love life, relationship, sex life, home dynamic or anything else for that matter, however what you have described, to me, reads like a very toxic, one sided relationship. You sound to me to be making all the effort to please him with little in return.
The fact he is saying he can get attention elsewhere is never a great sign of commitment. Believe me, as someone who cheated in the past (no I’m not proud of it) I can honestly say that those were the thoughts I had before I strayed. Your partner / husband (sorry I don’t know your relationship status) may well be different, however whether he’s saying it because he’s considering it or if he’s saying it to manipulate you into things it is wrong and he is showing contempt for you and your feelings as well as your relationship.
Whatever choice you make with your relationship remember your happiness matters!
Sending you much love and strength and support whichever choice you make x
@Mischa84 You know, that whole post just absolutely smacks of how extremely insecure this man must be and hes projecting all of it onto you, you know this right?
@ShadowFax I am grateful that you are here with us protecting your sobriety. So sorry that you are struggling. I do hope that this too passes soon @just_laura So grateful for the dialogue you had with yourself and were able to see that dumping that drink out immediately was the answer. Damn – a very productive day all around. 255 days and going strong! @zzz WAY TO GO!!! Unlocked the first 30 you are crushing it my friend. Hope you are feeling the excitement today. A lovely milestone to be proud of! @looking4support I am grateful that the panic attack did not last. It is a lot that you are dealing with and I can’t imagine all the emotions you are going through right now. Have you considered grief counselling groups? I know you have dealt with a lot of loss to this disease and it can’t be easy – maybe talking it out with others will help lessen the pressure? You are doing great in maintaining your sobriety and being present. We are here for you @sabrina80 I do hope the cookbook helps. I do strongly believe in the healing powers of food and hope that your psoriasis flare ups calm down. Sorry that you are feeling bouts of loneliness. I know its not the same but we are here with you and for you. I do hope you have a kick ass day @timetochange Oh dear friend I am so very sorry for how the conversation ended. I know you are disheartened and saddened by this. I do believe that time heals all wounds. Do not close yourself off. Step back (as I do think you also need some time to heal) and leave the door open. Oh what a gorgeous view. Grateful that the walk helped calm you down… have a wonderful Sunday @jennyh 45 days is amazing! I totally get the fear of the aftermath of surgery and possibly losing the progress made thus far. You are a badass and have done great in sobriety and will again get back to your healthy ways (just without the pain of your gallbladder slowing you down). I am grateful that you are taking the steps to schedule the surgery. I know you are strong enough to recover and come back stronger than ever. @mischa84 I am grateful that you are able to come here and vent with us. Grateful that you are not holding this in. First of all – absolutely nothing is wrong with you! It is impossible to dole out compliments when you don’t feel them (he is not worthy or deserving of compliments when he is acting like an ass). I do send you strength to work on your November Challenge. More power to you sista as I would not be able to do it. You are running around with 3 toddlers all day and taking care of the house so YEAH – you need some time to unwind and just be. I am sorry that he does not get this or respect what your day is like. You are a wonderful woman fun loving woman Mischa and deserve better. I am grateful that you are kicking ass with 121 days and do hope that things get easier for you at home @soberbilly Thank you my friend – appreciate you and your kindness. Love the dream and that the sensation is still present Laughing at the image of Madi running around all free – oh how lovely it was to be young. My nieces and nephews do the same and find cloths constricting @happyfeet Thank you so much Anne – I am totally resting and have hope for things to become manageable soon. Way to go on your 3 months of being free and awesome! Love all the positivity you are emitting on this sober journey – keep going strong.
Dear friend - First of all - YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON AND YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS. I can totally empathize with what you are going through. I had been masking many of my ailments with drinking for many years but as of 2 years ago my body did a really fucked up thing and i am dealing with more stuff almost daily (some shit comes for a few months and goes and others linger on).
I totally understand how it feels to finally adjust to a symptom and that level of pain only to wake up with something new the next day. It is demoralizing and frustrating. And NO - you do not deserve this.
I honestly was in the same mind set as you and thought i should suck it up cause i deserved it. That i was being punished. Please give yourself a huge hug from me - dear friend this too shall pass and you are not being punished. For me - i now try to see this as a blessing as god knows what our bodies were hiding while we were addicts. We have a chance to heal and live out a healthy life.
I went to a very dark place for some time. It really took a lot for me to claw myself back into the light and so i do not want to see anyone else heading there. I still find myself going down that slope at times and have to reach out for connections and surround myself with whatever positivity I can so that i don’t.
As of January i have moved myself into ayurvedic and natural healing. It took a good 4 months to detox my body from all the steroids / antihistamines and other drugs. I am far from healed but do feel like i am moving in the right direction. Not sure if any of this would be helpful to you.
You do not deserve this! Please do not give up on yourself. We are here with you. Please keep us connected and do not ever be weary of sharing what is going on with you. Sending you so much comfort, love and positive healing energy
Thanks for noticing that I really appreciate Your support.
Countdown for ‘‘Door’’ Opening is over, but my Journey just begins.
Good luck on Your Journey too
To point few interesting details about that door opening video with underground tunnels. I made that video about 10 years ago on 2013. It was about half hours long short movie. I then re-edited it to about 6 minutes long when corona lockdowns started and when I was on my hand injury rehab.
All video is very special for me. The tunnels are indeed the underground tunnels of the hospital where I was rushed with emergency ambulance on Halloween night 2011 when I almost died. Those tunnels are made for serious patients and some tunnels are leading to morgue. It was the Hell night for me. I said I will never ever celebrate helloween again. I never did celebrated it, but that was the first and final night. I also have a one nightmare that always occurred in my dreams. It is pretty terrible and I tried to recreate the atmosphere of my nightmare in that short movie. Good news the ending is good. The whole idea is to confront the darkness, inner demons, dark past, dead memories, shadows that are still hidding in the dark. That is where I am right now. It’s not just stupid picture of the doors, it’s very special place for me, It’s actually living my life and confronting what I had left behind FOR YEARS - only confronting it while drunk and in my nightmares…
I know I am in a lot different place right now, at peace, happy, smilling and enjoying my life as never before, but there are things undone, and stories untold… There are still some doors left unopened.
And you know how they say; Only when you close the old doors, the new ones can be opened.
Hospital of University of Health Sciences Clinics is the largest and the most advanced medical institution in Baltic States.
The hospital complex comprised six buildings, covering about 160,000 square meters. Its major buildings were linked through tunnels, with a total length of about 2 kilometers was used as flooring in the corridors so as to minimize disturbances to patients. The hospital opened in 1940. They even have a Chapel in those undergrounds. It’s like a small underground city.
Didn’t make it to the Dirty Dancing musical last night as my wife wasn’t feeling well enough, so I ordered a pizza, watched sports, and binge-watched some episodes of Law & Order.
Got up early today, had breakfast, and headed to the gym for a couple of hours to work off last night’s pizza
A couple of PB’s in the bag today so I’m feeling good.
Today is the morning of day 620 sober from alcohol. My husband is heading out of town for three days and I have never been alone for a night sober yet. I will check in here when I wake up and before I go to bed each day here for the next three days.
Lets get this day!
Hubs is headed to Phoenix for the World Series! He’s been a Texas Rangers fan since he was a kid and this is a trip of a lifetime for him.
I’ll either be super productive without him here or very lazy. Either way, I’ll be around here tons! Thanks Hoof.
Got really emotional, things getting to me a bit to much. Stories about depression, suicide (intentions), the near death experiences of a lot here, including mine and read the story of Mathew Perry. My sponsor uses sometime the phrase: the sober state is not the normal state of an addict to be in. Don’t like that phrase to much, but must be because it holds some truth and builds up resistance in me. All this getting to me without taking good care of myself. Called a fellow and he said right away you are l in your HALT. Now taking care of it by eating and hitting up a meeting. Like I said earlier today it’s a rollercoaster. Don’t know if I like the ups and down’s of it.
you are crushing it my friend. Hope you are feeling the excitement today. A lovely milestone to be proud of! 
I really appreciate Your support.
