Well I definitely was a little off, did not sleep at all last night. Odd thing is I really can’t put my finger on the reason. My mind wasn’t racing, not overly stressed about anything, the best I can come up with was I was just absorbing the silence of being home alone, no work, no employees, no phone calls, no texts, just me. Even though I was tired today, managed an hour nap, my mind felt rested and that’s exactly what I needed.
Spent the majority of the day in bed or on my couch watching football and reading. I did get my laundry done, watered my plants and washed the few dishes that were in the sink. Not a completely wasted day, but a needed uneventful day. Feeling much better tonight and I’m pretty sure falling asleep won’t be a problem.
Looking forward to tomorrow, both my kids are coming over for brunch (love that neither of them wake up early on the weekend), banana-lime pancakes, ham steak, chocolate milk for them and a big pot of coffee for me. Heading out for a hike after brunch and the Cowboys game, going to be a sunny, cool fall day tomorrow so it will feel good to get out in nature.
Just the weekend I needed to rest my mind and refocus for the coming work week.
Hey Julia
I had to scroll way back bc I missed your post
The others are right, block his number. As you already said he’s not good for you.
Boundaries aren’t easy to implement, but they’re so worth it
I’m so so sorry to hear you lost Eva, Kaitlyn was born sleeping so we never got to spend living moments with her, so for you to have had time with her must have made it unbelievably hard, I agree it’s not a thing that can be quantified as the loss of a child is the loss of.a child no matter if they are a baby or an adult, it’s just an unnatural order of things.
I am also heartbroken for you with the loss of your sister. I can’t comprehend how I’d feel losing my sister, I know how I felt whe my brother committed suicide and that was devastating but part of me hopes he is at peace as he chose his path, I just wish more was done when he was living. To have your sister taken from you must have been truly soul destroying. I open my arms and embrace you, knowing how much it would have taken to open that door and share love and strength in solidarity with you.
How my sister is feeling I cannot even fathom, how she is managing to get through each day is incomprehensible, all I know is I am trying to be there for her as much as possible. She needs me more so than ever and if anything it gives me resolve to remain sober, because I can’t afford to be selfish.
If you ever need to talk etc, I’m only a message away either publicly or privately.
It’s officially winter time Last night the clocks went back from 3 am to 2 am, one more hour time to stay in bed
I forgot to buy curd to make another bread today, I hope the leftovers of the last bread are still edible
The anti inflammatory cook book someone mentioned here has arrived, I’ll get it tomorrow.
I try to eat better, to calm that psoriasis down that now, after Covid, has spread over my hands as well.
I sometimes look at my body and ask it why it hates me so much and what I did wrong
I know the answer, it is what it is. I can’t change it, but I can learn to live with it.
The truth is, you can make everything right and still get flare ups.
Yesterday evening I had this feeling of loneliness. I hate when that happens. It will pass. Today it’s already better. I guess I saw too many couples on my trip outside. It’s that time of the month, hormones go crazy. After my period I’m calmer again.
Okay, time to leave this cozy warm bed and eat something
Day 127
I tried to make conversation with my son on WhatsApp (he is 22, got a job etc) and asked him where he got his private plate for his car from ( a colleague asked me about where u get them from) and i got a rant back,''can’t make this sh@t up," saying he isn’t getting any help with cost of living or petrol from me ? He’s 22? He lives with his partner and has ignored.all.offers to meet up, or go on holiday etx…? So… i am ceasing attempts now
I am obviously the antichrist i am at a loss
Slept badly last night, and after I had been so happy for my sober sleep Husband did too so wonder if we both have stuff on our minds.
My gallbladder hurts and I am going off certain foods, have a horrible feeling my gallstone is making a break for it. I have been putting off taking next steps for the surgery for months but have now booked the consultant appointment in. I am basically really scared of the surgery. Not so much things going wrong, but the pain and recovery time after. I don’t want to go back to days in bed and lose all my progress in the gym. Not sure I am strong enough mentally to cope with it.
I am trying to do all the right things now, sobriety, weight loss, fitness to help prepare as this surgery will happen. I may live here for the couple of weeks after too
Feeling a bit better this morning. Had a good late shift last night, not playing cop or kindergarten teacher but actually getting to do some mental health nursing. Was rather tired afterwards and had to bike home through a downpour, but got to sleep in after that.
Summertime ending is a nice little bonus this morning, having an hour extra before I have to go out and work again. And to see some sunshine and blue skies outside helps as well.
Little things to make the big things just a bit more bearable. Drinking or drugging never helps with anything. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Sober and clean. I’ll do my best. Love from my little square.
I was in bed by 8.30pm last night. The serenity prayer has been really useful for me the last few days, accepting the things I cannot change. I don’t know what it means to anyone else but it’s very much a comforting way to let things go whether that be alcohol, drugs, people, bad memories etc. I said it to myself over and over again last night until I fell asleep.
The courage to accept the things I can change which is practically anything. I can change more than I can’t so long as I stay away from drugs and alcohol.
Maybe therein lies the wisdom to know the difference.
Happy Sunday everyone
A kind man who immediately introduced himself to me after receiving my 24hr chip came to the meeting yesterday and he gifted me The Big Book. We’ve been talking everyday since we met and he’s very early in in his own sobriety himself so to be so supportive to a newcomer is just incredible. I’ve read about 130 pages already and hope to get a sponsor in the not too distant future.
Middle of the night check in.
After sleeping well all week, my little girl has been up every couple of hours tonight. I’m tired, but otherwise feeling healthy.
I am happy with myself that I didn’t drink at the long Halloween party I was at today/tonight. Feeling like crap and having beer breath at 3AM comforting a child would not be a fit for me.
H was high last night (ofcourse, weekend). I don’t like to talk with him when he’s on coke, he is so smart in a stupid way then. Kind of intellectual Captain Obvious. And we argued, like usuall. He is mean because I’m cold, and I am cold cause he is mean.
I know I could easily make him feel better by giving him compliments, telling how smart he is, how handsome etc. But I’m not that kind of person FFS. I don’t like this fake bullshit. He needs constant appreciation. Since I know him, he always have the same haircut. And he is cutting his hair every week, every 10 days maybe. And he can’t stand that I dont tell him that he looks good, that it’s nice haircut… Man, I don’t see those 2mm missing, grow up. In our relationship he is the one who always have to look good, even when he go throw the garbage out I can go in my morning robe, I really dont care. And what’s wrong with me that I can’t make that effort and tell him those compliments, it cost nothing. But I can’t…
I’m gonna make November Compliment the Narcist Challenge 5 compliments per day. If it will make my life easier and he will take that stick out of his ass and stop to be 99% of time angry, why not. Win-win
He told me yesterday he can easily get appreciation from other women (he’s a plumber and he is often telling me some ladies were hitting on him etc) but then I shouldn’t be angry if he will cheat on me. If he’s not getting this from me (it’s mostly about bj’s that he would like to get as often as possible), he can get it somewhere else. And you know what, I’m thinking maybe it’s not such a bad idea. Fuck this shit.
He is 6 years younger than me (I’m 39, he’s 33), I’m probably at the end of day tired in a different way than him. He needs closeness, I just want to be left alone for a while.
I don’t know what’s gonna be with us. I think we are just terrible match.
You guys are my only one friend I’m telling all this crap. Sometimes I just need to vent.
Anyway, I’m sober and nobody gonna take this away from me
Im not in your relationship so I don’t know what the dynamic is like but just based on this… here’s what I get.
That in itself says where his priorities lie. I’m not ignorant to the fact that a healthy sex life is important but that’s just a complete non-committed man and quite frankly a threat. I don’t know that this is the kind of attitude I would want from a partner especially someone who is still using. Perhaps a little lesson in humility will do him some good.
Had a nice evening with my son yesterday. Had to bring him back to his mother after the soccer match, since she got some new medication for her recent heart failure. Didn’t see the link right away why that would be a reason for him to go back. But I didn’t make a fuzz or more about it and just let it go. Still feeling good or at least better then I felt in a long time. Need more planning and things to do for myself need to work on that. But watch my boundaries in the process. Maybe going to the gym, sauna or watch sports today. Having dinner left overs waiting for this evening feels good too. The feeling I’m moving still in the right direction. But it’s still a rollercoaster
Sorry if this is out of line, Mischa, but your husband is a dick. You are looking after 3 small children while working hard on staying sober. The emotional blackmail thing is absolute bullshit and only weak men with no integrity cheat. Even weaker men brag about having the opportunities to cheat in front of their wives.
The compliment the narcissist November thing made me laugh. You are doing so great, don’t let his stupid comments dim your light.
Day 147 AF.
It’s dreadful weather today so I cancelled my plan of visiting my friend this afternoon. It’s just a day for staying cosy.
My teenaged son has spontaneously started to tidy his room!
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
Awww @Mischa84 I’m sorry to hear about your husband. He’s got a real problem, doesn’t he? You shine a light my dear, don’t let anybody interfere with your positive way of confidence and sobriety.
It’s a lovely view at your little square @Mno
Wonderful to watch the leaves change. Hope you have a nice shift again. Stay strong.
Hope you’re feeling better @JazzyS so sorry to hear about your health problems. Hope you can make time to rest and get well soon
And THANK YOU @Soberbilly I always love your smart little GIF s and the penguins really are the best love it!!!
Last night the clocks went back from 3 am to 2 am, one more hour time to stay in bed 
i am at a loss
Husband did too so wonder if we both have stuff on our minds.
We’ve been talking everyday since we met and he’s very early in in his own sobriety himself so to be so supportive to a newcomer is just incredible. I’ve read about 130 pages already and hope to get a sponsor in the not too distant future. 
.
and the penguins really are the best 
