Day 55*
My last minute day off really helped me notice myself. I tended to some things I haven’t done in months. I am glad to be sober and slowly working on the wreckage that is my life. It is an overwhelming amount and there’s pressure (from myself?) To fix it all now. I can’t do that. Sometimes it feels like no progress is being made. Yesterday, where I had some time to myself, I saw how not ok I’ve been. I am sober, relatively healthy, moving forward… there’s some good stuff there. But I feel like living in dark addiction/depression/crippling anxiety for so much of my life has allowed me to normalize living in I don’t know, moderate depression and anxiety? Sometimes when I am able to take a step back and care for myself and share with friends or supports I realize how unhealthy it is that I live with this much sadness and fear and sense of doom every single day. Sometimes I forget that’s not normal because I’ve lived with worse? I am still working on tending to myself at the early warning signs instead of waiting until I am in full blown crisis to make changes. Just some rantings today.
Yay!!!
Congratulations amiga!!!
Thank you. Will do! 
Checking in on day 123.
Today has seen a return of some of the negative feelings again. I’m not out of the woods yet it seems. I wasn’t as comfortable in today’s yoga class as previous days. I was glad when it was over and then I walked home through drizzle. I felt cold at home so I wrapped myself up in a blanket in front of the fire and closed my eyes but didn’t nap. I think the anti depressants are definitely making me less sleepy but also less anxious which is good but I did feel a bit glum today. I managed to go out for a walk and then I called a friend when I got home. He’s also feeling depressed right now but I think we both felt comforted by our conversation. I’m just so very tired of feeling this way.
Congrats on 2 years free! Your description of the “natural” progression of an alcohol free life is so spot on. It just keeps getting better & better as we work through the ups & downs of our recovery. Remembering and keeping gratitude front & center is the ticket to a life long AF life. Celebrate! You deserve it!
Amazing Rosa. Well done on the two years. Keep fighting. 
Checking in, doing rather good.
Taking steps to be more true to myself and dealing with the uncomfortable sides of it. But there are beautiful ones too and thats what one should focus on i guess. Its not like I havent been through the ringer with this haha.
Want to ruminate and overthink things so im battling that constantly. Telling my mind to stop feels impossible sometimes, but there was a time not long ago when I did it almost easily, so ill have to regrow that muscle.
The solution should be a Stop, without an explanation. I always explain to myself why Im allowed to let go of harmful thinking but that just adds to the whole endless thing. The whole point is to stop thinking, including justifying why I can stop thinking.
I need to stop justifying myself to myself and take a Stop as a Stop, the end of it.
Not easy but working on it.
Be good to yourself today.
Love to everyone here.
Congratulations on 55 days. That’s effing excellent.
Slow it down. Notice your breath. Relax into the present moment. No you can’t fix it all now. You know that obviously. Is there really a way to progress? And why would you want to. Try to sit with whatever you are feeling without judgement. And definitely be patient as nothing is permanent. I’m grateful your here and doing the hard work of recovery @Ceeds . ODAAT
Half way through day 360.
I think I should take a nap. I’m struggling to keep my eyes open.
I hope y’all are having a good Thursday
I know that’s right. Is it possible you’re being too analytic? By that I mean overfocusing on how you think you feel. I also take antidepressants for Major Depressive Disorder. I’ve never noticed anything except not being depressed. Ever. I encourage you to talk to your provider and share how you feel Delia. Often the drug needs to changed. Reaching out is very important. Definitely talk to your peeps. 123 days is no small feat. Congrats. Wish you all the best @Deelzebub !!
That’s what’s up
@noshame Happy birthday to your wife! Hope you two have a wonderful day celebrating. Wishing you well with your defensive driving. Don’t think about the mistakes made but rather concentrate on what you have going for you now and what you can do moving forward. I know so much has changed for you in just a few months (moving in with in laws, getting a job etc). Be proud of all that you have done and all your sober timers.
@mindofsobermike Way to go Mike!!! This is amazing to see you doing well. I know it took me time to figure out support and what was available at school. Are you able to speak with counsellor’s or teachers to direct you to extra support? You should be very proud of yourself and how well you have been doing. Please do not be hard on yourself about missing class. We are here to talk to and listen – much love my friend 
Just saw your update – I do hope that your meds help get you out of the mental funk – hope it doesn’t last long
@jennyh Well done on your 3 weeks! I think I will join you with a coffee in bed Hey – you’ve made it through Thursday – 1 more day till the weekend. We can keep going! Hope you enjoyed the gym. I too went way sugary at the beginning (as I supplemented the alcohol) – be mindful about it but don’t obsess (if that makes sense)… you are kicking ass with sobriety – for me it took 3 months to not crave the sugar replacement.
@looking4support I do hope you got some rest. Were you able to get a Covid test? Hoping today is a better day
@dolse71 So sorry Paul – It is insane how we don’t think of the damage while we are in the throws of our addiction. I do hope that it is nothing serious and that you are not in pain.
@selflove_42 oh wow – grateful that you were able to get input from others which helped make your decision. So true – money isn’t everything. Doing well thank you for asking. It’s a exhausting week but I am making each moment count and also taking time for myself and my rest.
@marlowe wow Rob – this was lovely to read! Yeah to taking time for yourself and taking yourself out! I do love my solo adventures. LOVE that it’s all about you! Hell Yeah – about to hit that 1 week milestone my friend!
@rob11 I do hope you get that swimming in as I do believe it will be a great healer for you. I feel most at peace when I am in the water. I am sorry for all the triggers and stupid questions. Grateful for meditation and hopefully the re-integration bureau will also be helpful.
Funny – I was just thinking this same thing yesterday. Glad that we can see past the lies now. Well done on a productive day 2!
@nickle5cents way to go on 150 days. I do hope you had a great time celebrating your birthday. So very sorry that you are struggling with such intense cravings. I do find that doubling down with your support systems (meetings – family – this site etc). I also make sure to not have idle time as this is when my mind tries to spin tales and convince me that I need my DOC. Stay connected my friend. I realize this was written 4 hours ago – how are you doing now?
Thank you ! I appreciate your words so much and could almost feel my shoulders lower while reading them. Really good reminders in here for me. Do you practice meditation?
Thanks Billy. It’s only been 17 days on the Escitalopram and it’s definitely started to work but it just feels like a backwards step today. I see my GP next Wednesday anyway so I can check in with her then. Thanks for your reply.
Evening check in, very close to hitting 3 weeks (30 minutes).
We skipped the gym tonight, husband was a bit late home and we wanted to spend some time with the kids. We also went to the pub, something I have missed as something we did together. I really enjoyed it, had some lovely beige food and a pint of coke. I was completely fine with not drinking. Turns out the wine didn’t enhance the evening at all. I think I enjoyed the food more too.
Thanks @JazzyS I just finished some yummy ice cream, definitely prioritising sobriety before worrying too much about the sugar. I did at least eat vegetables today 
Congratulations 
Jenny on soon to be 3 weeks.
That’s a great accomplishment! Be proud of yourself!
@rosacando way to go on your 2 years of sobriety. Grateful that you were able to navigate through the milestone malady and are kicking addictions ass! 
55 days! This is remarkable. I know the sense of wanting to fix it all NOW. It took us years to get to this point and will take some time to unravel all that we’ve hidden from ourselves for so long. Be gentle with yourself and know that you are doing an amazing job. Grateful to see you recognizing the warning signs and addressing them.
@cp25 how are you doing today? Hope you have someone helping you
@deelzebub love the numbers! 123 
I am sorry for the negative feelings returning but am grateful that you did manage to go to yoga and get out of the house. I do hope you have some lighter brighter days ahead
@mia2 always so good to hear from you. “stop justifying myself to myself” WOW this was a powerful statement. You are incredible and I do wish you all the success in this journey. I am grateful that you had a good day today
Checking in on Thursday afternoon –
lovely rainy day out which might explain my extra laziness LOL. I am really tired but not able to sleep so in limbo.
It is a lovely day so far - did get up early and was able to get a few hours of work done and even go and enjoy a cup of coffee with my mom.
Wishing you all a wonderful addiction free day! Sending you all so much love
@Qhob13 and @Saturn81 how are you ladies doing?
I love a rainy day every now and then, a good excuse for laziness 
Hope you find a way to enjoy your limbo x