Congratulations on your 103 days!
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Thank u. After god knkws how many relapsesā¦ finally Iām making some steps. Keep hanging in there!
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Thanks everyone for the congrats on my 2 years! And for making me feel seen and special. 
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Iām so upset. I hope itās okay to vent here. Iām a single mother of 3 kids. My husband passed away (dad of first two) and my youngestās dad is causing me so much grief. Not paying child support, not communicating with me, and just making my life miserable.
Makes me want to use so I can have a mental ābreakā. I donāt get how some people are so selfish. Actually, I guess Iāve been very selfish in the past. Usually I try and talk to him and be empathetic but I have no patience right now.
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@Dolse71 Hope you get well soon! Glad you are dealing with it with a pragmatic attitude.
@calgary5577 Vent away! That sounds very difficult. I can understand wanting to escape, but you know it always causes extra problems and only delays problems that were already there.
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This is the perfect place to vent. I am sorry for the trouble you are dealing with and very sorry for your loss.
Using and indulging in your DOC will not help any. You will only feel regret. I know itās hard my friend but you can get past these emotions. You are stronger than your addiction.
We are here if you would like to talk through the urges.
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Iām right there with you as far as relapses go. i just relapsed Monday. 
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I second what Jasmine said, it is so hard but there is no shame and no one here will shame you. Good for you getting rught back at it, and sharing here we all know those mornings and we are all here for you. Xo
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Nothing but respext for single mothers. I talk a lot about motherhood and how it shapes how we drink, and the strains that come with being a parent. I am not myself a single mother, but was raised by one and I have nothing but respect for and COMPASSION for single mothers. I do not understand why separated fathers behave that way, and Im sorry I dont have anything to kffer you but I iust wanted to say I FRICKIN SEE YOU and know that road you are on.
I actually wasnt going to talk about this at all and it just crossed my mind. I dont want to lay any mom guilt, and never want to contribute to that at allā¦and I just, the thought pf my own childhood just like hit me as I was trying to figure out how to write that I respect single mons and also dont know how you do it. My mom drank, a lot. She drank to cope, she drank to get by, she drank to relax and unwind, she drank to deal with the frustration and loneliness anf the ever present VICE that single mons like her find herself in. She HAD to be it all. She HAD to do it all. I have no idea how she did it, but I know that she drank a lot to do it. And I dont for one second tjink she knew how it effected my sister and I, I think she just kept going and there was a lot of anger and issues there. Growing up I have had nothing but compassion and love for my mom, I wont go too deep into the issues with my dad (who I love too), but he dribks a lot also and he did notā¦well he did not help her raise us, he didnt do things to make her life easier, he made her life harder, andā¦I am having a hard time describing it as I find it so hard to talk about them bc I love them both. I am sure I have vented somewhere in here. Anyway, I guess I just wanted to sayā¦it was hard for me and my sister growing up in that, with parents who coped like that and it is still coming at me in layers that Ive been pealing away my whole life.
And I know as a mom you have your kids like SMACK DAB in the middle of your mind & heart around this. I know you do. And I know we cant quit for them, we really cannot. Butā¦dont drink, for you and also for them. It will be better all around, and i dont know if it was appropriate to share that but it just came at me and rhere it is. Xo.
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@Mischa84 omg thwnk you so much for your vent! Yes you go girl you got to get it out! And you said it all so well 
I relate so much to what youre saying and laughed out loud over the maggots part LOL. Im so happy weāre onbthis journey together my fellow lady you killing it! I also forgot to check in on the October push up pg but I did mine this morning and a little yoga and walkā¦
80 days today folks. Feeling good. Xo. Keep going everyone we got this!
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Love your room & especially the stuffy hamoc
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Thanks luv! Hope all is well with you.
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Thank you for sharing your story Mira. You are so strong, empathetic and youāve gone through so much. As a mom, I have to look at things through my childrenās eyes and teach them how to cope without using.
They were taken away from me for 2 months about 5 years ago and I fought for them. They are all back with me except I share custody with my youngestās dad. Iām pretty sure heās using so I have to stay strong and clean.
I made through tonight without using. We went to the food bank for the first time and Iām going to make it work no matter what.
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Being a single mom of one is hard. I cannot even imagine of 3! When I first left my daughterās father (7yrs ago), things were going well, and we shared her without the courts. We both went off the deep end, but he went too deep and I was forced to get full custody. I did have a (shitty) bf for a few of those years, but the last 2 has been all me, and itās hard. Its a lot. My ex has since gotten clean and just recently got his first apartment/job in 5 years so she can finally be with him again. He still owes me $6,500 in back child support but at least heās trying.
I know now that using will get me no where in terms of being the parent my daughter deserves. I have to do right by her to make up for all the wrong. Stay strong and do what you gotta do, except use. Youāre not alone 
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232
Work was a lot busier than yesterday. Which was good bc I had more energy and made more money, for a lunch shift. I am just happy I donāt have to work tomorrow morning too.
Got outside a bit bc I think today was the last nice day weāll be having for a while, as itās raining now and bringing in a cold front. We ate dinner at a country diner/bazaar we used to go to all the time. First the waitress asked if I wanted a vodka soda. No. Then she said āYou lost weight. You look great, not that you didnāt before.ā And I told her I quit drinking. After a bit of thrift shopping we came home with this bad boy, so it was definitely worth the trip 
Now Iām just finishing a creepy movie, with whatās becoming a dreadful headache (probably the weather change), and off to a good nights sleep 
Be well everyone
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Day 17:
Just checking in at the end of another good day. Work flew by, daughterās volleyball game and Iām already in bed.
Need to be to work by 6:30 to meet with an employee who has literally lost his mind after being scamed out of all his money by a super attractive woman he met online who was half his age. We tried to tell him it was a scam, but he wanted none of what we had to say.
Another day down. Happy to be sober.
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Checking in day 396 and officially 
months sober! Iām away at a resort with my boyfriend and itās so gorgeous here- extremely grateful for this sober vacation. Itās a work trip for him and heās in a very networky career, so Iāve seen some of his colleagues very drunk. Reinforces how much I love sobriety, and how much I appreciate a boyfriend who doesnāt really drink. A couple more days here. Iām socially anxious so mingling is a little stressful, but thatās minimal- lots of fun time.
Hope everyone I had a wonderful sober Thursday 
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