Good for you!!
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Way to go!
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Just cleaned my bathroom, vacuumed, and now I’m making lunch for my daughter and I. My neighbour is having me over for coffee at 1:30 and she’s helping me out food wise. I’m so lucky to have good friends who will help. It’s so hard to ask though. I try to do everything on my own.
Inflation is so hard though! I’m in Vancouver and the cost of living is insane.
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105 days sober.
I feel isolated. Lonely. Kids are annoying, they are ignoring me, not listening. I’m also handling this situation in shitty way - screaming etc. I had some classic toxic mother moments today (“I’m gonna leave and you will stay with your father only, we will see how happy you gonna be”)… Jeeezzzz… But before they fall asleep we were cool, I told them I love them, they (Sacha and Anthony) loved me back. Dennis said he doesn’t like me xD
I hear h is back home now, gonna go downstairs chill a bit. I would drink some wine. But I won’t.
Big hugs!
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Today is the second birthday I spend being sober, and it has felt great.
Had some cake, watched a movie.
Everything is special when you can actually remember it 
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Oh my goodness, you have been through so much, I am so sorry about your daughter. This time of year is always strange anyway, and you must be processing so much. I hope you find space to take care of you and find a job you love. You are clearly a very caring person and would be great with children. Take care of yourself 
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Happy birthday 
So glad you have had a lovely day! Sounds perfect 
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Happy birthday! Sober birthdays are the bomb 
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Evening check in. Wild night at Chez Tragic. Did a forty minute swim and the lane was MINE. no-one swims on a Friday evening, I wonder why… Then did run two week two of the C25k. Absolutely cream crackered now and waiting for takeaway pizza and to watch a film… It got too late to cook. My neighbour downstairs has hired a hot tub and they are all wasted in it lol, first glass of booze audibly chinked before I even finished work at five pm. They are almost screaming and laughing hysterically now at nearly 9pm. My bedroom window is right above them…ahhhhh…Zzzz. hopefully I sleep some.
That would have been me though. I would not have made a swim and gym. I would not have planned a big walk tomorrow. I would feel lethargic and horrid on the couch hating myself.
I’m going to enjoy every bloody calorie in that 
…
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We just had fish and chips after daughter’s football (well I was at the gym). The weather was so awful and they were so cold and wet that I felt mean saying we shouldn’t 
I enjoyed it too. Then ice cream to follow as once you have started, you may as well carry on! Enjoy your pizza, sounds like you have earned it x
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Sober day 8.
Lots of “why me” feelings and frustration. I’m tired of everything being such a fucking struggle. I’m exhausted.
Not helped by waking up with a horrible migraine this morning triggered by yesterday’s dentist appointment.
I’m at least glad I’m back to over a week sober.
OFDAAT
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@lorelai thank you 
🩵 it really does make it tougher. I’ve reunited with my SAD lamp in the evenings now, it does help a bit.
@RosaCanDo thank you Rosa 🩵 your reply is a good heads up, I will definitely take it extra easy when I get home from tomorrow’s shots.
@Tragicfarinelli thank you 🩵 I think, if I’m feeling okay, I will go back to the country park, alone, with some food for the water birds, and do a really long walk round the whole place. Enjoy the pizza 
@KarenKW congrats on your week 
@AyBee cool numbers 
congrats and those are awesome sunsets 
@Cindy1010 welcome congrats on 3 days
@SoberWalker hi Wickie! 
Congrats on your freedom from social media
@JazzyS thank you 🩵 Today I’m okay as I only had my T shot, Flu, Covid, and maybe Pneumonia shots first thing in the morning, so may feel quite rough by this time tomorrow, we’ll see though. How are you doing?
@Teresa.13 happy birthday 
🩵
1159 days no alcohol.
624 days no cocaine.
139 days no vape.
I went for my shots this morning, but I only had my Testosterone one, because the nurse said the Covid vials come in packs of 6 and have to be used together, so I have to go back tomorrow for my Flu and Covid ones, and maybe the Pneumonia one too, as they have a clinic running. Nevermind, atleast it gets me up and out early again.
I managed to walk to the shopping centre to get my dad’s wife a card to go with her presents for Sunday. I’ve also managed to get a lift to go there from my SIL, so I’ll be able to stay for longer than an hour. (I can’t see to drive when it’s dark and there are car lights coming towards me, due to Astigmatism).
I read a chapter of my book, had some time in the afternoon with my curtains closed and was joined by my cats for a pretend nap, then I managed to make myself go for my lake walk, even though it was chucking it down with rain. I had to give myself a bit of a pep talk, saying I bought a waterproof jacket for this exact reason, so I cant use the rain as an excuse not to go. I cant say I enjoyed it but I definitely felt better about myself when I got home, and that feeling has lasted.
🩵
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That weather was shocking so very impressed you went for a walk in it, massive well done 
I am having my Covid and flu jabs tomorrow too. Hope it all goes well x
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Checking in again today (this is my normal day to go out and drink, so I’m very connected here today).
Just got back from the gym for my first personal training session since I had my last drink. It was hard today because it’s been two weeks. I felt lightheaded and dizzy and a little nauseous while I was working out but I pushed through it. Now I’m home with the cats.
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Good of you to go and it worked 
In Dutch we have a saying: “Je smelt niet van een beetje regen”.
You won’t melt from a bit of rain 
If we would stay at home when it rains, we would be at home a lot 
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It was good, but HAVE eaten too much as usual. Co-op have a deal on Biscoff caramel ice cream currently £2.90 a tub. GET IT, SO GOOD. I do love F&C nights, yummy. I feel so sorry for your daughter, it’s coming around to purple knees and blue lips season 
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Checking in, 29 days.
Today was a nice day. My anxiety is still there but not too bad, it is at a point where I am not looking for trouble, so on a calm day like today it is all good. Still think I need some time in nature and a nice long walk though.
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Oh wow, that sounds amazing 
She was so cold and wet she actually flew into the shower and delayed her food. I had the joy of picking up dripping clothes off the floor later! I had forgotten how awful football in the rain is. It is pretty bad as a spectator but to play in it must be awful.
I need one of these this season…
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Hahahah, yes. Going to the football is bad enough this time of year. 
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Oh second check in in only an hour and a bit.
Just had a meeting with the new lawyer. He was horrible. He asked me to speak, then interrupted everything I said. He told me we dont want full custody, because that means its all us. The question I have is because this is what we have been told: either we take full custody or my nephew becomes a ward and we have access. Until the last court date where the judge told us we should not have to lose custody, and CPS should help us find a residental placement for our nephew. But I didnt even get to say this, he interrupted and spoke downbto me repeatedly. Told me I am confused, and he doesnt have time for this because he is very busy so I have to figure out what I want first. Everytime I opened my mouth he interrupted to tell me I was confused, “why would you even say that??”, and kept contradicting himself. At the end of the conversation he only referenced my dad, “did this make sense to you, sir?”. I got off the phone completely exhausted and gutted. He told us we dont want full custody because then its all us, and I tried to say but CPS proposed we have custody and they will suppprt us as they help us find a placement. No im confused. He thpught I was my nephews mom and didnt know the biological father is in prison. The wind out my sails, my dad said he is good and aggressive but hm. I certainly do not want to speak to this person again, do you noy want your legal representative to understand you and what youre asking? And to at least listen to your question? I hadnt got out 2 or 3 sentences and he tried to end the call by saying we should stop here because Im not getting through to you and youre not making sense to me. Okay, well he wrnt on to talk for another 30 fucking minutes. Im so tired from that.
Grateful tp be sober and just want to be cozy now. I hope this convo doesnt play rent free in my head for the next few days but I am sure it will. Not sure where to go from here. Xo.
Edit: Wow. Didnt take long. I already feel better, like nope youre not tbe lawyer for us. Its not even about how you spoke, but you didnt even get a grasp on the situation. I already know the shit you are telling me, and dont need someone who isnt interested in hearing what we’re asking for $600/hour. Its okay, im not even angry just its okay. PRIOR Miranda, and this has been a process of years would be taking tjis personally. Would be internalizing it, like I am confused, Im dumb to thibk I could handle this situation, Im stupid and needed to be taken down this peg, I clearly dont know what Im talkong about. My confidence would be in the boots, and Id be adrift and my core would shift towards that. I think the work Im doing, and the life Im livinf and what Im reaching for must be doing sometbing bc I dont feel that way now. I feel like, a bad interaction. Thats it. Hes busy, a dick and practically speaking we do not need this lawyer. So. I can make my own mind, not matter what anyone says. I do not have to feel little because Im belittled. I dont have to shut up because someone tells me to. And I dont need to feel abd about myself because I feel like the asshole is right. Truths can be hard & amazing! Xo. Heres to believinf in ourselves, and trusting our gut. Something I have had a hard time with my whole. Damn. Life. Xo.
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