Thanks Jasmine, you made me feel less crazy. Hopefully, today it’ll go a smoother and the words will flow. As for the cyst… I may have drained it myself. Yes, I know it’s a bad idea, but it felt pretty cathartic. I’m keeping it drenched in anti septic lotion and bandaged. It’s gone down now, but I’ll try getting the antibiotics today.
And I’m so sorry to hear you’re in so much pain. It sounds awful, the way it keeps you up at night. But sometimes just lying in bed can help your body feel a bit rested. Sending you lots hugs and I hope your pain eases up soon.
Day 118. Woke up at 7.35am, and logged on for work at 8am. I will be productive today. Tinnitus is bad. But I’ve got nick drake playing, two screens for work and a coffee on the go
I went home early from work yesterday, really felt awful. Got home and slept most of the afternoon. Felt better after, made myself some good food, and spent the evening on the couch with Luna in front of my TV.
Had a decent night. Now having coffee in front of my sad lamp while it’s full autumn outside . Pondering whether to go to group therapy or not. After last time’s bad experience I wrote the therapist, asking to talk before the next session. I didn’t get an answer yet and that feels bad and I don’t feel like going at all.
Thing is not going would be sort of reverting to the past, at least it reminds me of the past. I used to simply stop being in contact when I didn’t like something or someone. Happened with another group therapy I did too, when I was still in active addiction.
But there is a big difference. I thought (and felt) about what is happening now. This is not just a flight impulse. I talked about it to my individual therapist, to you lot here, to friends and colleagues. I’m taking a decision based on a thought process and based on recognising my own feelings and needs.
So giving it another hour of so to see if any message arrives. If not I’m not going today. I’ll write her again and probably will be there in two weeks time. Maybe for the last time. Maybe it’s just time to move on from this one. Might not be that bad actually.
It’s actually a great feeling that I can think, and feel, and discuss these topics, instead of just not being able to think at all, and feeling loads of anxiety, fear of abandonment, freeze and flight impulses. I’m sober and clean. One day at a time.
Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love from Amsterdam. Pic is the new lion’s den at the zoo. Much better than the 100 years old previous one. And visible from the public road.
@TrustyBird Rest in Peace BigTom. F*ck addiction. Sorry for your loss @Noshame Learning to stand up for yourself in a healthy way sounds like a great plan to me and something I neve learned when I was still using. Still learning. Success. @JazzyS Hoping for a better day for you today Jasmine. @Alycia After a couple of years of sobriety, I do have an AF beer every once in a while, for a special occasion. I’m still on the fence about it. It does remind me of drinking alcohol for sure. That might be not bad all together. Or maybe it is . @Hoss “Mindlessly” had two glasses of wine. There’s a part of your mind that made you do that. Not totally mindless. Well, you’re seeing your coach to talk about it. Learn and grow ODAAT friend. @Amy30 Grow, words in Amy’s mind! And shrink Amy’s cyst! @CATMANCAM Huge congrats on getting the tattoo done friend. Very happy for you X @Kareness 2500 yay! Awesome numbers Karen! @SadMemeQueen “don’t know anything else”. I didn’t either Megan. But we have to work on it because what we knew wasn’t worth it. With no guarantees for the future alas. But move forward we must. For me it’s very much worth it. Hugs friend.
I completely understand the worries that this is your “flight” instinct kicking in. I am the same and try and address that now. I do think that you have taken steps to address it by reaching out (not great to receive no reply), and talking it through logically here. I don’t think the path you are taking is a reactive flight instinct, but well considered. I do hope you receive a reply and acknowledgement though.
My sponsor told me something that she heard - if you are hysterical it is historical.
That really hit me about the way that I sometimes really overreact and over ruminate on something. I always thought ‘It is me being silly again’ and felt guilty and stupid, but realising that it is not being silly, it is linked to my past, and furthermore if I am being ‘hysterical’ then that is a sign to look to my history and try to figure out what is going on so that I can address it.
It sounds like you are already pretty aware of what is going on with you, but just wanted to say that I can relate.
Sounds like you’re causing yourself a lot of anxiety about your group therapy. I don’t think it’s a flight reaction at all. A big part of therapy is “being heard”. You mentioned that you did not feel a connection to this group, i took that as you felt you didn’t have a voice in the group, not being heard. That’s important.
I also think it’s concerning that the therapist didn’t respond to your email. That to me is almost a bigger issue than you not feeling a connection to the group, maybe there’s no connection to the therapist because she’s just not giving it her all.
You’ve come a long way and I think you’ve earned the right to trust your instinct here. Not all therapy is the right therapy for everyone. I think you need to trust yourself and find a group you can have a connection with.
1 Day Sober from weed. I know it’s barely anytime but it feels like I haven’t smoked in so long and I am also craving hard. I can’t get any sleep so I am just in bed drowning myself in TV. I feel so shitty and don’t know what to do. Some people recommended reading or going for a walk but even when I do those things I can’t escape the cravings I am having. Will they pass? Will I feel less shitty? Please give me some tips🙏🏼
Day 20 here. I had to get up this morning at 6:30 so I could conduct an early morning interview at work. Normally, my shift starts at 10 and in the past getting up at 6:30 would have been an awful experience. Not today! I woke up before my alarm, hopped out of bed, fed the cats, made coffee and took a shower. It felt great to be up early.
The health and mental benefits of being sober are priceless.
Be sure you’re making a great choice for yourself and for your future Kamran. What you’re feeling now will pass. You’ve already chosen a great tool to fight the craves by coming here and sharing about your struggles.
It’s true quitting weed can be quite a struggle early on. There’s no magic cure. Just be absolutely sure you are doing this for you and things will get better. And remember the reasons you want to quit in the first place. I’m glad you’re here as we are in this together and the more the stronger we are. Can’t do this alone friend.
Wishing you all success, hang in there, love from Menno (8+ years free from weed, 4+ years free from alcohol).
Thank you so much. I really needed this, just knowing that there are people like you that have gone through this and can give me advice puts me at ease. I think that 8 years no weed and 4 no alcohol is incredible I’m happy we are all on the road to better ourselves and I’m happy we can all come together and help each other. Once again thank you so much and have an Awesome day🙏🏼
Hold on. Cravings get less powerful with time. Just dont pick up. Chew on straws or gum. Keep your hands busy with a fidget spinner? Just dont pick up.
Congrats on making a change. Today is a beautiful day for a day 1 @kkmrn
Spider-Man two just came out, and my friend asked me to come over to hang out and play it and he also asked me to smoke with him. But I told him that I just started a new journey to completely stop weed. He laughed at me and said dude just come over and smoke and start it tomorrow night or something it’s not that big of a deal. That’s when I realized that that was not a real friend. I dropped him and I’m happy I did because I found people that are happy sober. I never thought that life without weed could look so promising. I always thought of how I didn’t want to be sober but know I want to be and reading other peoples stories inspired me so much. I just got done talking to my mom and stuff and I told her my plan and she almost cried and gave me a huge hug and helped me throw out all my stuff. I’m happy that I’m on the right path. Time to play Spider Man 2 by myself but SOBER!!!
Yesterday was a pretty strange day. Had been feeling heart palpitations for a few days in a row and i decided to do something about it. Went to the ER, did an EKG, checking my blood pressure, took blood, etc. All my blood work checked out great, good blood pressure, except, my heart was misfiring, they called them PVC’s (premature Ventricular Contraction) basically i have extra abnormal heartbeats that begin in one of my hearts 2 lower chambers. No cure to this. I’ll probably have to wear a monitor for a while to observe my heart. So there’s that. Still got up this morning, Went straight to the pool and had a great workout. Keep it Positive, Keep it Sober, Keep it moving. That’s where i’m at.
I failed twice before with NA beers but that was early in sobriety. I’m almost 4 years in now and I’ve had some NA beers here and there (I like the taste of beer) with no effects on my sobriety. Like you, I have zero desire to be “buzzed”. Trust yourself, be honest with yourself.
I had dinner with friends last night… might be my last outdoor patio dinner for a little while, as we have cold days coming next week. I stuck with NA beers, both from a brewer called Nonny. Their pale ale was tasty and had a nice body and character. Their pilsener was bit boring for me.
. Pondering whether to go to group therapy or not. After last time’s bad experience I wrote the therapist, asking to talk before the next session. I didn’t get an answer yet and that feels bad and I don’t feel like going at all.
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