I miss social media less and less, the first week was tough tho. I thought about reinstalling TikTok more than 1 time.
But giving in would only fuel my racing mind and things would get worse and worse again.
Like with alcohol it helps to play the tape through til the end
I did a good workout for my back, the pain that bothered me went down by I would say 80%
Iāll do that every day now again, including a planking session after. I was able to hold it together for 22 seconds today
Food is on the stove and I got me some nice bath additive that Iāll try before I go to bed to loosen those hurting and stiff muscles.
Captains log day 6. Happy Monday! Slept ok, vitals (although high) are good, positive attitude, and i even went to work and got some stuff done. Oddly enough there are no AA meetings on Monday mornings here. I guess i will settle for the noon one.
Today is the āanniversaryā of my divorce. Wow that was a fun time in my life. NOT. Im so thankful im sober today otherwise i would get drunk and depressed. Not this time.
Well there is a bunch more i could say but i dont wamt this to become a book and bore everyone haha. Thats what my jounal is for.
Went to my therapist this morning. Did some session on the depression. Itās with online modules, not really my thing. Also had a phonecall with the doctor from the treatment centre who deals with the adhd medication. Also discussed antidepressants and what they could do for me. I just donāt know what to do with that. Any first hand experiences are welcome. She said that the adhd medication doesnāt take care of it all and antidepressants might just be a hand in my back, not a miracle med. Wished it was all over, I find it hard to each time discuss the things. She also mentioned that Iām in a though position and it must be lonely. It for sure is, %#>%^^$. Kind of keeps bringing it back. Itās a lot. Tomorrow my first hours as a volunteer, see how that goes. Itās just to much, writing it down helps a bit. Just wanna cry, scream it all out. Gonna take a bath and see whether I can eat something, itās blocked right now.
No one here hates you. That is true growth. Expressing emotions and then taking accountability, that is some serious adulting shit. Happy youāre back.
I had therapy today and finally opened up about my eating habits
it went well she actually seemed concerned about it which I guess I expected but seeing my therapist concerned is just a bit of an eye opener
since change is such a big issue for me weāre gonna try one small thing every session for now. tomorrow Iām going to eat chicken nuggets I used to eat on the regular at home
she also changed my treatment plan and put food as our main thing to deal with.
Mike I joined TS waaay after you, I donāt know your story well, for me you were one of those who are doing great in recovery. You relapsed, that sucks. But you can move forward. Donāt look back. Iām thinking about my cousin now. He also have 2 daughters, little bit older than yours. Heās not doing so wellā¦ Heās losing them. Older is already so disappointed and upset she said she doesnāt want such a father, and she is just 10yo. He was 2 times in clinic and 2 times left before his time. He left week ago without telling anybody where, why; he disappeared for a week. Scared the shit out of us. His probably soon ex-wife is done. For now she think he chose alcohol and coke above them. Why am I saying this. I just hope your daughters would never tell you they donāt wanna know you. Even if itās not true, it must be very heavy thing to hear.
Donāt hate yourself, you were on good truck, go back on it.
Big hugs
Handed over the old apartment today.
Packed things out, organised, washed, did yoga, I ate.
And I joyned a meeting. Listening, laying down, incognito.
But I loved the sharingsā¦
Boss cat was over here again tonight.
Black-white. he is a panda cat.
This afternoon he tramped around in his nest like crazy,
didn`t notice I saw him. Lol.
He is still a bit confused.
Oh Mike, I know youāre disappointed.
But donāt say you hate yourself because youāve done great for a pretty long time.
You know how itās done right because you did.
Yes you fell.
And what do we do after we fell?
We get back up!
Yes itās hard, life is hard. And us addicts have to be stronger than non addicts.
Get back up!
Happy youāre back.
I love the updates 
