@JuliaLuna sending strength 🩵 @Hidden sorry about your Vertigo, I hope the meds and head exercises do help 🩵 @Tragicfarinelli fingers crossed for your job sending strength 🩵 @SadMemeQueen well done for being honest with your therapist congrats on 600 days
1169 days no alcohol.
634 days no cocaine.
149 days no vape.
Friday I was supposed to be doing some cleaning before my brother came to put my shelf up today, but all I was able to do was sleep. So I only had Saturday to get the cleaning done. I made a list of the jobs I wanted to get done on my phone, and they didn’t “seem” too overwhelming, it took me forever to make a start, but once I did, it was easier to keep going, with some short rest breaks.
My brother and his family all came together, which was a nice surprise, and I got to see my niece for an hour, and I now have a shelf.
It feels so nice that everywhere is clean. I also done 2 loads of laundry Yesterday.
Today I drove to my hometown to collect meds. Completed some important forms for my eating disorder clinic, I’m hoping that means that I might be starting therapy for that soon. Then I’ve spent the majority of the day catching up here.
Tomorrow I have some more important forms and questionnaires to complete, which will take quite some time.
I ran out of likes around 75 posts ago so here’s an extra
Checking in Day 617
Im feeling quite a bit better about things, my recovery being one of them. My husband and I continued our talk last night about my cravings. He said he wished that I wouldve said something sooner about them instead of trying to get rid of them on my own. He was super supportive and helpful and i am sooo grateful for him and his strength in recovery. I am grateful to be clean and sober and still plugging away at this journey.
Today i did quite a bit of cleaning and also did a workout. Had a nap and made myself a chicken salad for lunch. Pretty good day so far but I should still do more recovery related things. I need to get my recovery stronger. Thats about it for me right now. Hope everyone is doing well today
Checking in day 23.
I’m doing great! Had my Naturopathic appointment this morning and it was awesome! The drive was a little dicey as we got a light snowfall and all the idiots forgot how to drive … again
Got my order of Aloe Vera Juice … this stuff makes me sooooo happy!!
Hubby gifted me a Shark Pet Vacuum Cleaner a Nutmeg Grinder and an Arincin Ball Maker. ( we like food, lol)
Now going with my critter crew to battle the wind for a walk around the property. Will enjoy a hot chocolate to warm up after said walk and watch me so e scary movies.
Hope ya’ll.are doing well out there
Checking in on day 120
I had a dream that I relapsed and woke up in a panic thinking that it was real. Someone pointed out to me that it shows my progress in recovery - I never thought I’d see the day where a dream about drinking would scare me.
Have a good day/night everyone
Quite tired after a long day. Think I got too cold on the bench, I was sitting for hours in the end. Felt really rough by the time we got home. Managed to keep it together mostly, get kids dinner done, but was having to rest in bed in between. Not the day I had planned, and more tiring than a day at work. I seem to have a major need to be a perfect Mum. My daughter is happy though.
Made me remember the days when the kids were really young and I first had chonic fatigue syndrome. Those days were hard, used to spend the weekends in bed recovering from the weekdays with no break from it all. Think it took me years for my body to recover from that. My husband was working long hours and I was at home with the kids all day with no energy. Still drank though, was totally self medicating, crazy!
I woke up this morning to the chirping of my fire alarm (still). I woke up to an email from a recruiter saying that a potential employer who’s taken 2 weeks to come back to me has finally gotten in touch - they should have an offer for me by tonight- whey! Something positive finally! I had breakfast, shaved my head and showered.
Then I spent the morning pissed off that this girl didn’t want to talk to me. I haven’t been able to get closure from it completely and wanted her to give it to me. She won’t. I know she won’t.
I cleaned the flat, ran through my list and got a lid done and started reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle. (review later)
About 7.15pm, one of the guys from AA came and picked me up and we went to a meeting. This one was smaller than the last one and felt a bit more intense. A lady shared a story about how she had lost a child and the events that followed. She told us about how her higher power and working the programme has given her the opportunity to live a life beyond her wildest dreams despite living the worst tragedy that anyone could possibly experience.
Now I’m sitting in my warm flat, cooking a hot dinner, having never experienced trauma like that in my life thinking to myself; “So I’m at home pissed off because this girl (who isn’t a good match for me) doesn’t want to talk to me, meanwhile, this lovely lady has lost a child yet she still loves her life”
What am I even bothered about? It’s pride. From now on, i need to remind myself to check my pride. Don’t be proud, Josh - It’s ugly.
I don’t need someone else to give me closure - I’ll find it myself.
I have no doubt that after having this realisation, I’ll be able to sleep well tonight.
Checking in day 414! Good first day at my new job. It’s nice starting somewhere with clear eyes. It’s amazing how much more there is to worry about and pay attention to when you’re not focused on whether you look hungover People seemed nice and I’m ready to start to feel settled.
Another grateful day done, loving cold walks on the beach at the moment. There’s just something about the sound of waves breaking that soothes the soul.
Hi Josh. Eckhart’s book is truly amazing and I can’t tell you how it changed my life a few years ago. I feel the problems you are experiencing wholeheartedly, and the book has many valuable things to say about these feelings. Believe in the book and keep practicing. You won’t believe how your way of thinking changes after a while.
Evening of day
16 no form of marijuana (starting to get a number going here)
166 no alcohol ( no cravings or hangovers or shameful moments)
97 no cigs or vapes ( this is the longest I have ever went and don’t plan on going back)
Today has been a crazy day.
I can’t decide if it’s been good or not but , who knows, today could have been the best day of my life and I wouldn’t know it
Woke up from an alarming dream I don’t remember the details of now, 2 hours before my alarm. Couldn’t sleep no more so here I am drinking coffee and checking in. Worrying about things but not quite sure what those things are.
I thought of this picture during a conversation with a friend last night. I took it February 12 2012, 8 am. There hasn’t been a day as cold here since. I was hospitalized with a nasty infection and needed to smoke right after I took this pic. Outside the IV froze while I indulged in my addiction and tiny particles of ice tried to enter my veins. It hurt a lot. I can feel it now. I kept on smoking.
In hindsight I think this incident helped me quit smoking a couple of years later. But at that moment I thought nothing of it. I just wanted to smoke at the cost of everything else. Addiction sucks.
Have as good a day as you can all. Sober and clean. Love from Amsterdam.
🩵
sending strength 
congrats on 600 days 
People seemed nice and I’m ready to start to feel settled.
