I will make it to group tomorrow and do what my counselor says. I felt so much remorse but honestly I didn’t really try to stop anything. I have told so many friends and family about my relaps, I do want to stop. This morning when I went home I kept shaking unctrolably, I don’t even remember falling asleep, just waking up. I’ve had so much unprotected sex these last couple days I really do feel disgusting.
16 Likes
I am glad you are here, but I think you really need to get back into some kind of F2F help now or as it is probably a weird time of the day now, asap. You know the slippery slope, and you are sliding right now. The more recently you have taken something, the easier it is to say ‘fuck it’ and just take some more. You deserve better than this, and need to put the brakes on now. You have it in you, I believe it. 
12 Likes
Thank u. I think the clocks changing will help
I am tending to wake up naturally at 7.40 then i start work at 8. So next week should feel easier.
I think in part we are planning for Christmas and i know my kids aren’t interested in meeting up, which just really saddens me. But all good. Found a fabulous playlist on Spotify Spotify for anyone interested in some glorious classical music.
7 Likes
Wow, 1600 days. Congratulations 
It sounds like we are having similar thoughts recently. It is exhausting trying to motivate yourself to “be good” and get ahead of the depression. I really hope you find some peace today 
6 Likes
Thank you @JazzyS and @Soberbilly
You are both so right. I really like the idea of sitting with the thoughts and allowing them to flow. I did that yesterday and it was uncomfortable, but I am feeling better today. Seem to be processing stuff from decades ago, but at least I am.
Thank you both 
7 Likes
Checking in for 360.
Another day at the office, then off to the stadium to see my team play tonight.
Have a great Wednesday you guys 
23 Likes
So close to a year!! Who is your team?
1 Like
Checking in, Day 41.
Got over the cravings yesterday and feeling positive today. We are all off today so should be a nice day. Then back into work tomorrow. I am actually looking forward to it. Beginning to realise I am no good left on my own, think I did know that on some level as had requested full time hours. Would always rather be working at maximum level, but then with room for naps. I confuse myself! Now I just need to learn how to deal with the tiredness that comes with that without wine.
Hope everyone has a good day
23 Likes
I have 615 days of a life free from alcohol today. My life before sobriety was chaotic and unmanageable. My life sober is 1,000 times better. I still have some low days and I still have some anxious days but I am learning to cope with those in a healthier way.
I’ve struggled with mood swings since I was a child always trending more to the depressive side. The negative refrain that goes through my head when I’m feeling down is “what’s wrong with you” in a harsh parental voice. 
Thats how I can tell it will be a rough day.
Lately I am trying to flip that. I am trying to convince myself that there is nothing wrong with me. Anxiety just is and low moods happen. Feelings are valid and can change rapidly. I’m trying daily affirmations which feel silly but also helpful and more importantly I am challenging the “whats wrong with you” refrain.
@KarenKW I wish I could give you a big hug. Your depression is lying to you, alcohol won’t help.
@Mindofsobermike come back to us. Don’t let this episode implode your life. I dropped out of school multiple times (I think 6 total) and they were all addiction related. Pivot. Make that change. Go to where you want to be.
To anyone who is struggling I offer you grace for yourself. We are all imperfect beings trying our best and we are all in this together. But fight. Don’t give up. Much love to all of you. Thanks, as always, for this space. And for all y’all. 🩷
28 Likes
These are the ones I’ve been prescribed too, and I’m on day 36 and they’re definitely helping. I hope they help you too.
8 Likes
Checking in on day 143 AF.
My mood is quite good this morning. It’s a damp and cold day outside but I got the kids up and out for school, lay on my acupressure mat for a while then had my shower and got dressed. I even put a little makeup on. I’m back in my bedroom staying cosy with a hot water bottle on my feet and catching up on this thread. I have a yoga class at lunchtime.
It makes such a difference to not feel nausea and anxiety in the mornings. I think I have the Escitalopram to thank for that.
Wishing everyone an addiction free day.
23 Likes
Day 389 alcohol free
Day 10 social media detox
After taking the first dose of meds yesterday I was able to fix the hurting part of my back. It still hurts but only slightly, it now needs time and constant training.
I’ll take the full dosage today and reduce to 2x daily tomorrow to be able to work. Its a muscle relaxer but a non addictive one. It still makes me a little dizzy and worsens my concentration, but I’ll manage that. It’s only 2 days, next week is off whoop whoop 
I’ll go to the grocery store now. It’s cold and grey outside and I’m sure there will be rain soon. But I like that I like wearing warm clothes in layers and snuggle up in blankets with pillows around me. I’m too sensitive to heat.
Have a beautiful sober day friends, stay strong 
22 Likes
I used to take these. Originally I was on 50mg then 100mg of sertraline and they completely ruined me.
These ones are very light. They took the edge off for me and helped me get to sleep at night which certainly let me wake up with a clear head. They took me a little while to get used to and I didn’t stay on them for too long (maybe 6 months) but they certainly helped for me
6 Likes
Checking in
450 days no booze
68 days no tobacco
Have a good day.
23 Likes
30 days Sober (at midnight). 29 if you listen to the counter, but I don’t. 
Still a rough ride here but I feel a bit bored of feeling bad over the work stuff now. It’s still dragging out and I’m angry. Really want to get to the pool and gym tonight, enough is enough of feeling insular and wanting to hide. 
22 Likes
Day 40!
I like the numbers that end in zero
T.
20 Likes
Get out of the rabbit hole asap please, rooting for you 
4 Likes
Hey all, checking in on day 1228. I hope everybody has a good one!
19 Likes
54
Checking in
21 Likes
@mno great work on 1600 days! Sending you strength to move past the clutches of depression.
Way to go Mike – I know in the midst of addiction we really don’t want to put in the work to get out – our minds are at battle as we want to get out – we know the tools to use yet we don’t want to try and stop. So happy to hear that you will be going to group and listening to your counselor. This makes my heart happy – baby steps. Be gentle – know you have support here and reaching out to real life support will be such a blessing. Much love to you my friend – happy Wednesday.
@timetochange I know that not being connected with your kids is weighing on you – I’m so sorry. I do hope that in time that things change. In the mean time, you can just offer patience and an open door (I know that is rough). Hope you enjoy your Spotify playlist. A brighter day my friend – I hope you feel it.
I totally hear this and feel like I put myself into work or activities to keep myself busy and moving to not deal with my ailments but then the overwork causes me to need naps and if I don’t I tend to want a drink to keep going. Our bodies need to find that fine balance. I know it will take time to finesse our minds and know its ok that each day is not the same. Some days you just need to rest more and some you have a bit more energy to get stuff done. Both are productive healthy days.
@tragicfarinelli WOOT WOOT 30 days. Love the attitude and you are right to get out and shed the weight of this work stress. So messed up that they still have not told you one way or the other by now but announced it two days ago. Shitty practice. You make the best of this beautiful day and enjoy the hell out of your 1 month AF accomplishment.
@trixie1 check you out – another 10 days added to your timer way to go with 40 days! :muscle
@soberbilly Hells yeah 18 months – 1 year and a ½ – kicking addictions ass and looking good doing it SO happy for you my friend.
Checking in on Wednesday morning
It was a very rough night. I did not sleep well and the pain and other symptoms were intense. Grateful for mindless TV to keep me company. I am now chugging coffee and hoping to make it through work. It will be a long day but I know i will not turn to drinking or weed to help me cope.
Hoping you all have a wonderful addiction free day - sending you all so much love.
16 Likes