I’m still in panic mode. Of course I chose to travel and return on the weekend when every government office is closed, and any priority express shipping place is closed.
So I can’t pay for an emergency document, and no one back where I live can ship it, at least not until tomorrow.
So it’s just a waiting game, but I honestly feel like I’m having a panic attack almost. My chest is tight and I feel ill due to the stress of this.
Day 13/14
Had a beautiful weekend away at a spa hotel on the coast. Two swims and two saunas, some nice food and relaxing walks. Loved it. My MIL said she had the most superb weekend and was absolutely blown away with it all.
Very cold and rough weather though, snow on the way there. Saw a woman actually swimming in the sea on Saturday with just a bathing suit on. Power to her!!!
Coming back to London almost took every drop off joy from me; traffic (2 hours for 26 miles journey thru central London), where 56 miles took 1hr 13 mins to the coast. This city is starting to do my nut in, I really really wish 2024 brings some good news about the saleability of London flats. 
I never feel better than when out the city.
Try to stay calm and breathe. Hope you’re able to find some support at the airport.
Everything will be okay. Don’t panic. There will be a solution.
Passport has been shipped. Arrives Tuesday. So I’ll be home sometime between then and Thursday. Fingers crossed.
I’ll have 22 days in a few hours. Literally have not been sober this long in about 6 years. Even times I’ve had sobriety over the last two decades, that’s all it was was sobriety. I am recovering this time and it just feels good. Good is not the word because actually at times it’s super uncomfortable, it feels right. The last 22 days have been far from perfect, but ending every day sober has been perfect. I feel some real work ahead when the glamour of my new found life wears off. I know it’s coming but im ready. I worked so hard to be an addict for the last 20 years, I can surely put my all into getting well. Of course I do not know what tomorrow will bring, but for today I am sober and staying that way. Hope everyone is having a serene and sober Sunday. 
Hey all 
Checking in day2
Put Fridays relapse behind me and got up early this morning went for 10km walk to clear the head then done a bit of reading and a few hours work around the house feeling a bit more positive today
Hope everybody is doing ok
Day 1, checking in with a heavy heart
After months of sobriety I started drinking again on summer vacation (fancy cocktails, beach parties) The plan was to drink only for one week, but when I got home I started to drink more. Every week I would say to myself: I’m quiting, but after a couple of days I’d give in. This Saturday was bad. I got into arguments with strangers and had a two day hangover. What a sad life.
So here I am again. Although I’m disappointed in myself I’m also hopeful and glad I made the decision again to stop drinking.
Wouldn’t it be absolutely amazing if it was you who began to create the new story of a sober family?
It takes a single decision at a time but sobriety is possible.
The ingrained family story and genetics are difficult to see and push through, but it is possible. Just like when the sunshine pushes through the clouds.
You can do this.
Sending you love & strength Jules. I do not have personal experience with self harm in this way, so I wont try to give you any words like they are from my own experience. You are in my thoughts, hang in there and I hope you are able to find the help you need on your journey through life. I do know one thing for sure and certain, you are worth it. Xo.
@sabrina80 sending you comfort for your appointment tomorrow. 
hoping you experience more moments of peace
@teresa.13 Congrats on your 600+ days Great to see you check in with such a great number. Keep going strong 
@zzz congrats on your 70+ days 
@karenkw so sorry that you are feeling so low. Sorry that you feel the need to lessen yourself for someone else – you are wonderful the way you are and the right person will not only appreciate you for you but want to care and love you for you. Grateful to hear that you had a better day today.
@mira_d Oh a very happy birthday to your hubby – hope you all enjoy celebrating it whenever the time feels right. Big hugs to you my friend – grateful that you were able to have the heartfelt talk with your dad
@jules000 How are you doing today Julia? Were you able to calm your urges? Are you able to call a help line or do you have someone in real life to talk to when the urges get so strong? I do hope that you are ok.
@Juli1 Congrats on your 1 week milestone Jules. UGH – yes, totally possible for your mind to focus on something else when it is struggling with a life issue like death. You have been strong throughout this and I do hope you have given yourself proper timing to grief. You are a beautiful woman and I do hope you are able to see the beauty rather than body image issues. Much love to you my friend – here if you need to talk.
@mno have you tried toe warmers? I bought a pack for when I had to stand all day to watch the ball drop in New York and they were a life savor. Hot hands and toe warmers
@jennyh Wow is right – 80 days is fantastic my friend! Way to go. You are a wonderful mom. I am sure your kids appreciate the time you do give and understand when you are not feeling well. Great work on staying sober
@anon68572606 ah man friend I am sorry to hear this. I can’t imagine how awful this situation must be. It is the airlines fault for not having done the scans properly in the first place. Hopefully they can get this sorted out quickly and get you on a flight home soon. Sending you strength in getting through this awful situation. I am sorry that you are feeling panicked. Deep breathes and know that it will sort itself out. Hang tight my friend – you are not alone. 
@sobermama39 22 days and going strong. Each day sober you are getting stronger and adding tools to your arsenal. Keep working on one day at a time and you will be able to attack whatever may come up next. Should be super proud of all the progress you have made thus far.
@mossy91 So happy to hear that you are moving forward positively. That is all we can do – learn from what may have caused a relapse (if there is something to be learned) and soldier on forward with a mission to not repeat our past. Great work on day 2
@naomi welcome back Naomi and great to see you working on your day 1! It is a hard addiction to give up – harder when it is what you have grown up around you and is still very present in your life. I know it seems that the scariness of death or disease would be enough to keep us from partaking in our DOC. It is great to see you here with us working on your journey – we are here with you
Checking In
Day 658
Thank you to everyone that wished me a happy birthday. That really brought a smile to my face 
Turning 39 and being clean and sober, is honestly the greatest gift i could give myself. This is my 2nd birthday clean and i feel really proud of that.
Today has been a really plesant day overall. No work. Got to sleep in a bit. Hubby and son made me breakfast in bed. And then we just relaxed as a family. It was nice! I went to Starbucks and got my favorite holiday drink… peppermint mocha. Went for a walk to the dollarstore for a few things. Just lounged around all day after that. Feeling pretty relaxed and grateful for my recovery right now!
Hope everyone enjoys their day/evening! Much love to my TS fam 
Well, the weekend is almost over!!! I feel like only parents can understand why yhat may be exciting LOL
I know I am just feelijg sensitive and you know what? Its just a crumby weekend. I internalize so much guilt, and then just feel like its all my fault or like is this normal?? But you know what…im sure it is. We’re okay. Crap weekends happen, time to roll into next week.
Re my daughter. I need to be more silly and relaxed. I know my husband and I have both lost some of that lightness, in the last year and a half especially. Im trying to find a balance with her, where no its not okay for certain things and to have those boyndaries, but also…how much do I expect from her? Fuck being a parent is a mind trip.
Sending so much love to you shining stars. Thanks for being there for me xo
This means a lot to me Jasmine, thank you for thinking of me 
I sp appreciate this. My SM has been in my life for almost 25 years, and I always knew she was deeply troubles and unwell but just didnt see the scope of it. I also deeply appreciare you sharing bexause honestly I feel CRAZY even trying to explain how deep and dark this goes, because it IS CRAZY the kind of stuff you cant make up. I half expect people to just be like “oh come on!” Because I almost feels that way myself, like no one would be that purposefully awful. Im so non-threatening in our family, I keep to myself, I have always been self sufficient and I have never created issues between them as a couple (excepr for when they first met and I got hammered at 17 and told my dad he better get a pre-nup! 
). Thanks for just affirming, this has been very hard to acknowledge and realize…and its also just super fucking sad xo
You are up late …hope you are not worrying about tomorrow.
Try some meditation or a foot massage to help you drift off. Think positive thoughts…
I had a clogged drain pipe in the kitchen and bathroom and was trying everything to repair it by myself. That kept me awake. Now I’m in bed with a hot water bottle and I’m so relieved that the water is running again! I’m still nervous because of tomorrow, I just can’t shake it off. I know nothing bad will happen to me, everyone there just wants to help me. When it’s done I’ll feel like Wonderwoman lol.
Oh damn …I hate dealing with pipes and water issues. Glad you got the water running.
Deep breaths Wonder woman …she is in you - don’t wait till after the tests to tap into her. 
I know it’s easy to say shake it off …I do hope you find the mental peace and are able to get some rest🫂
So I think that though these feelings towards the stress of being in an unfamiliar place, and being left to be alone with the stress of the airline passport issue I had brought up a lot more than I’m aware of
I also recognize I’ve got a shit ton of really stressful stuff going on beyond this and perhaps my mental health is struggling more than I knew.
There is an end in sight to this mishap but it has completely annihilated me more than it should have. Fears of so many things are just coming at me today left right and center and I’m really having issues turning them off.
I’m here because I need to put these thoughts down so that they don’t overtake me.
Checking in sober before I go to sleep.
OFDAAT
