Day 84 and all is well.
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Sending you strength. Iāve been estranged from my father about 18 years + now. My dad was abusive during our childhood and then he remarried after an awful breakup where we were tossed around and basically latch key kids with no food and no parents home. Iāll keep the story as short as I can as itās an epic tragedy in length 
. My dadās remarried life didnāt resemble my childhood at all, SM ruled the house and her own kids were first. After she was just picking on me so much I moved out at 16 and slept on sofas.
Me and my sister were just trash that turned up for tea every week. Then she made it hard and said she was fed up of cooking for us and different meals (her kids were fussy). It was so hard and heartbreaking but we walked away one week and just never returned. I was lucky to have my little sister because she needed me more than I needed to heal myself. I rationalised this for her and was strong for her as she loved dad and is a very emotional soul. Years turned into decades and he never tried to get in touch. She did, sending letters and trying to text to be apologetic.
I never chose to forgive and thatās my line. Thatās to do with other trauma and psychological damage that I felt was unresolved and caused by them. I donāt need the trash in my life now I am older and brave and able to fend for me and my rights.
Iām so so sorry you are in the eye of the storm right now, just take care of yourself and realise that adults are responsible for their own business. Your dad has a responsibility towards you Mira. He should be ashamed.
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Hey all, checking in on day 1272. I hope everybody has a good one!
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Day 1,274 clean and sober today. My symptoms are not getting better so a doctor will be calling me between 9am and 12 today to hopefully prescribe me the Covid medication. I hope everyone has a great day today, love you guys 
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Checking in on day 187.
Iāve had more energy recently but have been struggling to fill my time with things that feel meaningful. I made it to five yoga classes this week which Iām pleased with. Iām meeting some friends for dinner on Saturday night which Iām looking forward to. Theyāll all be drinking but Iām ok with that.
On Sunday I intend to get a Christmas tree and we can get it decorated. Maybe that will spur me on to feeling a bit more festive.
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Day
212 no alcohol
143 no vapes or ciggs
2 no Marijuana
Bright sunny day here in Massachusetts usa
Makes for a good day to wake up sober
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Happy Friday, all! Check8ngnin on day 149.
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Feeling so much better today! Slept really well, even if it wasnāt for very long. Working through the leftovers of this sickness but Iām grateful. Iām filled with a lot of gratitude for this community today. We really have a vital resource here together and I take it for granted at times. I get complacent or sometimes even ambivalent or even still disgruntled. Itās all normal, how I feel about things that happen in any community fluctuates. But when I see folks come together to bolster a person in need it warms my heart. We rock!
When we were buying our house this summer I was chatting with our realtor about my past career and thoughts about reentering the workforce after a long period of not working. She mentioned they would be looking for someone to help in their office part time in 6 months or so and asked if I was interested, which I said yes, because these two women realtors are strong, connected, grounded and pleasant people! Iād love to work for them. Anyway, time passed and Iād think about it every now and then. Lately Iāve been considering going back to work and looking at job listings when lo and behold I get a text from her asking if Iām still interested! Yes! We are meeting for coffee/tea next Friday and Iām super excited. Iād love to start the new year in a new chapter going back to work. I think it will contribute to feelings of confidence and reduce my isolation significantly. Wish me luck!
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77.7
I feel weak now. Somehow, somewhy I was feeling bad with these relationship after my divorce with my wife. This new woman wanted to live with me after few years of friendship, yet I did not wanted that. I donāt know if that was too early for me, or I just donāt want to start new relationships after my divorce. I tried, but most of the time I was feeling that something was aināt ritght. I donāt want to go into too much details as I can talk forever here.
I feel good now, I can concentrate more on my spiritual path. For me relationships is not most important part in the life. It can beā¦ but not necessarily. There are different paths in life. Some people become monks or priests. Something is calling me. Asceticism. Being alone. I feel good in those places as I am getting closer towards something bigger than myself. What is happiness? What is happiness?? Is it things or family? Happiness is a state of mind. It is important to share that. Happiness is only real when shared. Yet it must be pure. It must be true. It must be discovered within. We can feel it when we share it with our family. With our relatives. This is like a circle. It does not necessarily ends around ourselves or our family, or our relatives, or our landsā¦ It can grow and it has no limits. Love has no limits. True love. Pure love. I am not talking about something that ends with flesh. Flesh and this world is just a sand falling between our fingers. It is limited. True kingdom starts where our ego ends. This is what is worth seeking. This is my virtues. I am standing strong towards it.
We need to find that happiness that state of mind and then share it, not take it, but give it. We need to make our hearts bigger to make more space for something bigger than ourselves that does not ends with only satisfying our scences, feeding our flesh.
I feel weak in this moment. I feel a little bit lonely and want that feeling of warmth, something more Platonic. I will overcome it. That only shows that I am still lacking of light. In moments of suffering, loneliness, darkness is where masks falls off. It is necessary to suffer as it is a big part of the life as it is necessary part of Growing.
This quote from Nietzsche always gives me a smile on my face and reminds me not to fall into temptations.
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Checking in day 460! Iām going to be working one day a month at my former job, but theyāre making do the rehire physical. I have to do a urinalysis for it, but my urine come back diluted (I think I drink TOO much water). Never thought too much hydration would be my issue with a drug test 
Anyway, packed weekend ahead. Hoping to pack in a bit of downtime as well.
Hope everyone has a fabulous sober Friday 
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Day 4 and itās Friday 
luckily I have no social plans this weekend. Will try do something nice for myself.
Have a wonderful day everyone!
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Thatās really awesome! I bet that feels so good and heartwarming.
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Hello Friday my old friend so itās already begunā¦ all my āfriendsā text me like clockwork on Friday to plan the evening shenanigans of drunken debaucheryā¦ I sent my clean date as a response FIVE DAYS might not be much but it is a complete 180 for me and I am just gonna drink water today!
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Heck yeah @NJR9876 first weekends sober are hard. I was on here alot and slept a lot to get thru my first one
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Yeahā¦ I do have that little tiny voice telling me oh itāll be okā¦ but I really feel good and I want to go to the gym in the morning again lol
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I am so sorry to both you and @Mira_D
You both deserve better. Some people are utterly useless as parents. I am sorry for what you have been through, and are going through 
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Its good to make am plans too!
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Thank you 
I am starting to improve and eating more of the chocolate from yesterday. I didnāt need a nap this afternoon which felt huge!
I think you are right, this really does feel like a turning point.
Was it the cupping that was painful? I keep seeing that on my FB feed after watching some chiropractic adjustments (I even get videos of horses and dogs being adjusted now ). I am strangely fascinated by it all. Hope the pain has eased now
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Yup! And Iām volunteering at the community Christmas event so I have plenty to do
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Evening all, checking in with 85 days.
Seems like so many people are struggling with germs and just general fatigue. Hoping everyone feels better soon.
I have had a really lovely day. Productive work day and the panic is receding, feeling less overwhelmed. I am excited again to officially start my new role in January. It will be a challenge but I do enjoy my job so hopefully that will help.
Spent some nice time with my children. My daughter and I laugh like I used to laugh with friends at school, proper silent giggling, thinking youāre going to wet yourself. I think I spent years not laughing properly. I feel lighter
Hope everyone has a lovely sober day, evening
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