Miserable weather here, sorry @Dazercat Cleaning has started to prepare for the Christmas tree and decorations going up. It is too early for me but since Covid people seem to put trees up earlier (some in November) so my daughter is desperate!
I am really looking forward to the break for Christmas (a lot in the UK get until 2nd January off), but not necessarily Christmas itself. It is just a lot of pressure and expectations. I really want a day, just close family, and very relaxed. This is my sonās 15th Christmas and not sure it has ever really been about him or us (apart from 2020 when everyone was forced to isolate in our area). I make a vow now to never place expectations on my kids to spend Christmas with us, alternating with in laws, because it is the ārulesā. My Christmas is no more important than theirs. Wow, think I have some stuff to work out
Think I may get increasingly stressed as the day goes on, so I may be haunting this place like an anti Christmas ghost later
Only 3 days in, stayed in Friday and didnāt drink for the first time in years, feel great up at 7.30(UK, Sheffield).Ive Been to the gym. Best night sleep in ages. Wishing everyone the best.
Hey guys checking in. I woke up in a really good mood, which is rare on Saturday at 4am. I was driving into work listening to music and switched over to the news for the weather. Within 2 minutes I heard about 2 murders in the city, a war somewhere, a lung cancer commercial, and some political bullshit. That quick I felt my mood start to shift. Itās amazing how things can put you in a funk so quickly even if sometimes itās subconsciously. Made me remember quick why I stopped watching or listening to the news. Anyways all good now. Have a beautiful Saturday kiddies. @MrFantastik 1 week sober? Nice job. @JuliaLuna Congrats on 3 months SAF. Killing it.
Distant cousin left today to continue her travel, miss her already it was really nice to have her here these past couple of weeksā¦ Somehow just the right person at the right time and place.
Was going to bake pizza but chopped all the vegges wrong getting distracted chatting with a flatmate so cooking some pasta with a vegge minced meat sauce instead before bed
Hope you have a mindful, sober, productive &/or wonderful day or night whoever and wherever you are in the world right nowā¦!
@JennyH Me and my husband alternate Christmasses and everytime weāre not with my crazy family, thereās drama. Iām with you on not feeling the holiday and the pressure of it all. And yeah! Itās too early for decorations for me too, but I might start next week to get me in the spirit of it. Operation First Xmas Sober is underway!
@Jasty2 ah man, Iāve been avoiding the news like the plague for years now. It used to give me crippling anxiety, now I can handle reading it, once ir twice a week, when Iām in the right headspace. Itās difficult as my work is kinda in the media, not news but adjacent enough that some news outlets canāt fully be avoided.
The constant stream of negativity isnāt helping my sobriety. And if I were to drink over it like I used toā¦ it wouldnāt exactly help make the world a better place. So I just avoid it.
@Butterflymoonwoman just wanted to say, I get the exact same niggles when these things appear in movies and tv series.
Day 329.
Fuck. I was up working till 5, slept till two in the afternoon and tonight I get to do it all over again. The cold is still here. Of course it is. It feels like itās at itās end, but it still lingers.
Iām gonna make some lunch (brunch?) and try getting on with whatever it is I do for a living.
Anyways, Iām not all about the gloom. Iāll leave you beautiful people with a quote from Queen Anne Boyein. Iād never heard of this one before, but apparently she penned it on her Book of Hours and I got a little notepad with it and the beautiful artwork when I was at Hever the other week.
Itāsā¦ a really fucking poignant rhyme and helps me remember how far Iāve come and overcome.
Round numbers are so satisfying! Checking in on this dreary and colder Saturday. Itās still nowhere near our typical December temperatures but that changes starting tomorrow. This time of year used to be when I would hunker down and drinking got a lot heavier and more regular, probably with more impact because I wasnāt doing a whole lot. My husband would follow suit - we would hibernate and drink the winter away. What a waste. Canāt get those days back, but I can find the beauty in wintertime now, the season that is so vital to the lush green of summer, the quiet moments for contemplation, the cozy time with my little family playing games and cooking hearty and warming foods. There is something really special about this time of year if I can focus on those happy things and not the dreary sky outside. Recovery gives me the opportunity to see it this way. Sending strength, friends. Glad youāre here.
Day 168. Wow. Not far off six months now. I do feel that the initial stopping this time felt harder than before. I guess thatās the progressive nature of it all? Blessed to be alcohol free today.
Thanks for reaching out. Frustrating week. Iāll just bullet point it high level since I havenāt been in the mood to write much. And you know I love to write.
Trying to buy a car and running into challenges. I havenāt had a car in 6mo since I moved from CA. I lost everything and it just spiraled and my health was horrible as I was in ER for 2 weeks. All because of losing a job and of course alcohol thrown in.
Holidays are here which brings its own pressure. Being alone doesnāt help. Like it really doesnāt helpā¦
Thereās some good donāt get me wrong, but this week bad outweighed that. A few hints and triggers were dancing in my mind but itās just not worth it anymore. Plus the hard work Iāve put in I would hate to see it wasted. So facing these things in the moment with clarity although good, is also fearful at times because of the reality.
Welcome to reality of living soberā¦I feel this will take some time to grasp, learn, adjust and get used to as ālifeā happensā¦
Thanks again for the noteā¦heh, I wrote more than I wantedā¦
Oh Chrisā¦thank you for sharing your struggles.
I am sorry for all that is piling on. Remember that you are one person and take each task in a first things first kind of way.
I do hope your health is improving . Your absolute first priority is yourself and staying sober as you are not going to be good for anyone else if you donāt. We are here for you friendā¦I do hope you are able to stay clear of the triggers and tell those urges to F off.
Totally agree that it will take time to adjust. We have spent so many years in active addiction and blocking reality and now are sorta facing ourselves and our daily life with baby eyes be gentle with yourself. Remember that we are here for you - you are not alone.
I do hope that writing it out and talking about it helped.
Day 5.
Hangover free this Saturday morning! Unfortunately sick but itās not hangover sick. Iāll take this cold over a hangover and morning have a wonderful weekend everyone.
Back to day 7. Actually slept okay last night. I volunteered a couple hours this morning at a local thrift store. Now trying to motivate to clean a bit. I can at least start some laundry.
Day 1,275 clean and sober. Still sick but am taking the medication I was prescribed. The pharmacist said I should start feeling better in about 3 days. Man has my head been fucking with me a lot, I am not in good company when Iām with myself and my thoughts for too long lol. Congratulations to all of the milestones Iām super proud of you all. Have an amazing day, love you guys
Somehow just the right person at the right time and place.
have a wonderful weekend everyone.
