1652
Having coffee at my friend’s house where I spend the night on my mini vacation down south. She talks a lot so I’ll keep it short. Great hike yesterday. Great conversation both yesterday and this morning too. Back home later. Sober and clean. Have as good a day as you all can friends. Love.
Well it’s day 9 for me. Early Friday morning about to hit the gym. Friday is the hardest day for me, end of the working week and the day I would really have far too much to drink and regret it after. I’ve deliberately made plans for Saturday including lots of DIY, so I can’t be tempted.Everyone stay strong.
13 days in the bank.
Good day at work. Drove home listening to sober podcasts instead of cracking my first couple. Back to work tomorrow sober and ready for a good Saturday with the crew.
Enjoying being at work way more now that I’m not starting the day hung over.
Its often said we have the best job in the world and I was taking it for granted. I’ve qualified in lots of different disciplines in my job and was functioning for the most part pretty well.
But now Im remembering just how good it can be.
10… bam! 
Day 174. Up early, working 8_5 but have Christmas visitors this weekend arriving today at 8.30am! So up early, having a coffee etc. Work is going well. Home is going well. I really want things to improve with my kids but that’s taken time.
House is full of wine but also alcohol free stuff for me. I’m not too good with lots of visitors all at once but will try and thankfully no hiding behind a glass of wine. Have a fab day folks
Checking in on day 411 AF.
Just need to get through the working day and then go home to bed.
*Day 1912 
Appointment at the tattooshop went well @JazzyS and @CATMANCAM . He drawed a new design for me sitting right next to me and is going to send it to me by mail. This artist is another person then the one that messed up the original tattoo. I had laser sessions for almost 2 years to get rid of the ugliest part of that tattoo and now it’s almost time to cover it up.
There are still some fuzzy lines left but the new tattoo will go over it.
The tattoo long story short:
The idea was a peacockfeather, but the first tattoo artist managed it to made it look like a ugly Christmas branch with a Christmas bubble on it, really! 
It was a bit of a trauma for me I must say. I couvered up my arm so nobody would notice.
But this summer next year my arm will be free again 
Ps the tattoo shop paid for all the laser cost, so that was really nice of them.
Today? Grocery shopping and houseshores and in the evening a birthdayparty.
Have a great day all 
Congratulations and welcome back to your doubles didges 
You rock it 
Day 12
Amazing that even after a short nights sleep I wake up with no anxiety at all. Going in the right direction.
Off to a walk with doggie and then get some work done. Have a good one! 
I bet it’s gonna be beautiful, keep us posted!
I did a tattoo removal on my arm too, really happy with the result but damn that was painful 
Yes, it’s not fun It’s a bit the same as getting a tattoo but without the reward of new ink afterwards…
This is not my best time. I’m so sick again and I woke myself up sobbing at 3 am, my body hurts, my throat is on fire and my mucus is bloody. Sigh. Fever is slight so at least there’s that. Covid can take a flying leap - I hate this. I’m all out of flu medicine so will have to pick some up later this morning and I’m not looking forward to that. Ugh. Protect yourselves!
Fell better soon friend! covid can kick rocks.
Day 31. Well yesterday was day 30 and I slept all day. Had the day off and just felt tired so I relaxed. I’m up and off to work today, said my prayers and gratitude, I’m on day three with the the new medication and I have noticed some side effects already, the very first day I took it at work I was fine in the morning and then when lunch time came around I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, Ive been feeling really fatigued since then, my head feels very heavy and foggy, a little agitated and shaky feeling, and I’ve noticed something else but won’t say what it is, It doesn’t mean I’m stoping the medicine, just noticing some small things already. But I’ll be honest it is annoying, I felt pretty fine expect for a little depressed before I took the medicine, part of me didn’t even want to try the medication bc they all seem to suck no matter what you take lol. Anyways i hope everyone has a good day or evening, much love and stay sober it’s definitely more worth it
Owwww, that sucks big time Rosa 
Hey beautiful people,
Ive been working all week & loving it. Now I know there will be days I dont, but this reminds me of how I felt when I was coaching gymnastics. Like its not a job. I know the pay isnt great, but that sits fine with me at the moment. I just LOVE the kids, and its fun & busy in a good way. I think I could bring a lot to the environment over time, for now though I am trying to just absorb rules (not good at this LOL) and ways they do things, and keeping my mouth a bit shut. I would have a bit of a different philosophy, but I think its important for me to embrace what the workers and educators are sharing with me too. I think one of the greatest things thwt impacts them is how undervalued they are, how much they do and how little they are paid. Maybe one day, I can go on rampage there…
Volunteering this morning then off to work after.
I have realized, not theough my own brain but some help also from those around me. 1. My trust issues have reverberated into PTSD, and I have an underlying paranoia of everyone now. 2. My anger, while justified needs to be asked to take a seat. I love her, I hear her but she will never be satisfied with any solution or apology. What is it, my true self not just my anger, but me. What is it i want? Peace, happiness and a freedom feom the cycle of trauma and generational shit. So. To do that, anger my girl we love you but you gotta take a rest.
I heard sometning the other day, that i reallynloved bc i lived in this place for a long time but since my sister died and i opened things with my dad I notice that its like…I cant let it go. So i believe in findign your own closure. You CAN come to peace; you can find resolve or even forgiveness without having that convo with someone, without them apologizing or changing their ways. You can find that, Ive done it and its amazing bc this thing I saw the other day was talking about how when someone comes and apologizes to you and you jn that good place. Its like oh, you dont even need it. And then you have to assess whether you want to continue that rel or not. This has been so complicated with my dad, and whatbis the root issue here? I am afraid I cannot trust him…bottomline. i built a lofe and relationship with him where I did not need him, so we could have a rel based on what he could give so I would not continually set myself up to be disappointed. Accept people. But here, it is all broken open. Fact. I dont know if i can trust him. What I want? Just to know him and for him to love me. Fact. I have no control over the future, I can only control myself and my reactions. Xo. Pray for me fam! Xo.
This is something I want to say to my dad…
I saw u throw away the Ambien. Mom called ur doctor and made him promise to stop prescribing that horrible med so why do you keep getting more??? Who are u getting it from??? This isn’t like you dad! It’s hard to see you after you’ve had some wine and taken pills… The disruption u caused all of us last night will be very difficult to forgive. You’ve said time after time after time that you were done with alcohol and Ambien but repeatedly u just keep getting more, no matter what’s at stake. All the rest of your family can’t get a good night’s sleep, have to worry about your sanity, and your safety… Please do this for us. Ik addiction is hard. Trust me, I know. But u gotta do this dad it’s hurting the rest of us! I’m fatigued 100% of the time but can’t get much sleep bc of your behavior. Same with the others. I heard bang after bang as u stumbled around smashing into things and mumbling weird nonsense to yourself… We are worried about you dad. I think it’s time to go to NA or something… Take action… Show us this isn’t a game, it isn’t funny and it’s hurtful to us. Please dad, make some changes.
Hey all, checking in on day 1279. I hope everybody has a good one!
